Living Radical - The Jesus Army Life

Waiting - Jesus Army Life

2011-11-30T17:52:00.001Z

We just had a weekend where we invited lots of friends to stay. It was a great celebration of community life.

The house was full of people and there were various activities including curry night, games, household chores, sharing in a common purse, an afternoon walk, an time of teaching and fellowship, pancakes and Sunday church. (Believe it or not these are the kind of things we normally get up to on a weekend.)

And this was happening in our community houses up and down the country.

There was so much life buzzing around our house I began to wonder if community-life is the answer to our church's much-sought-for rejuvenation? Even though we are a youngish church, full of young people, our heart's desire is to once more move forward with the power of God.

Could regaining a 'community' focus be the obvious solution? Our church began through being together and sharing together out of love for Jesus. So why shouldn't it happen again?

But after 40 years how do you keep that kind of momentum going?

Last night, as friends and saints met in houses around the UK, to break bread together and share in our covenant with Jesus, we asked the question:

How does God teach an 'activist' people to trust more in what He alone can do?

After four decades of community-living and 25 years as a 'Jesus Army' we are somehow still all waiting for the answer with baited breath.

What is truth?

2011-11-07T18:10:00.000Z

"What is truth?" Asked Pilate.

I believe that I'm beginning to understand his question a bit more.

In a world where truth is held highly there should be no hypocrisy, but actually the opposite seems to be true.Whether it be politics or religion, or perhaps even justice, truth can be a slippery thing.

You realise there are shades of truth or as the politician, Sir Robert Armstrong, put it, it's possible to be "economical with the truth."

It doesn't necessarily mean that you're lying, it's just that you realise that truth has the power to build or to destroy and you have to become cautious in how you use it. Isn't that what we employ diplomats for?

A friend, and he is a friend for he told me the truth, sent me a message last night:

"Thought you spoke very well this evening. You can rattle on a bit ;) but tonight the message was clear."

It's amazing how negative parts of truth stick with you. (That's one reason to be economical.) All day I've wondered why people never tell me that "I rattle on a bit"? But then I remember that he's not the first, several friends have told me the same thing in similar ways, but other friends haven't.

And in focusing on just one element of his message, I've almost missed the greater and more encouraging truth which my friend wrote to me - that I spoke well.

And, of course, it occurs to me that we can make the same mistake when considering other truths too, especially God.

Anyway I rattle on.

I need the truth in order to grow, but I also need real friends who will love me enough to help me understand it. Without truth and friendship I'm lost.

Living - Jesus Army Life

2011-10-10T17:02:00.000Z

I want to live.
I want to know what it is to live for something good.
I want to look back and know that the choices I've made have not been selfish.
I want to know that I've given my energy to something worthwhile.
I want the relationships I've made to have been productive, to have produced joy and goodness.
I want to savour the small detail of life. I want to know what it is to be thankful.
I want to inspire others to savour life too, to think, to feel, to taste the beauty. And I want their beauty to be different to the beauty I know. I want us to share together in the immense gladness there is existing on this planet.
I want to pay attention to the misery experienced by others. I want to be courageous enough to allow myself to feel it keenly - so that I am motivated to live and act on behalf of others.
I want to speak, and for my words to cause a rhythm which ripples through the lives of others.
I never want to die without living.

Summer time in Pigtown
by Bukutgirl, on Flickr

One heart and soul - Jesus Army Life

2011-09-28T21:37:00.001Z

What was it that motivated the first Christians to share everything?

I don't think it was an idealistic vision to be one, neither do I feel that there was some utilitarian economic mission. When I read about the first Christians it strikes me that it was simply something they had to do, as if nothing else would be satisfactory.

Imagine it. The Holy Spirit fills you and your friends with God's powerful life. Wouldn't you want to keep meeting together as much as possible?

If God gave you a sense of his love for mankind - his desire to be close to them - the nearness of his heart. Wouldn't that make you want to love others as fully as you could?

"...and the birds perched in its branches"
(Bird houses by See-ming Lee)

Yes, there were practical reasons: not everyone was from Jerusalem and, if they were going to stick around, they'd need a bed. There was vision: Jesus had been with them everyday, sharing in the same common purse. But the temptation, even after Jesus had overcome death itself, was to give up - Peter returned to his day job. And, while there were 500 witnesses to Jesus' resurrection, only 120 were gathering at the prayer meetings. I get the sense that no one knew what to do next.

It was the compelling power of the Holy Spirit that caused the first Christians to come together as a church everyday, eating together in awe of God, sacrificially contributing so that the church could continue its current lifestyle.And it was successful, the numbers involved in sharing increased, so much so that they had to appoint seven men to look after the food distribution (one for every day of the week?)

But what now? I don't get the sense that Christians felt it was mandatory to live together. The idea seemed to tail off outside Jerusalem, though there was still a notable desire for believers to live under the same roof and not keep money selfishly to themselves.

Yet surely today, community still needs to be under the compulsion of the Holy Spirit? The drive to share needs to come from within. It needs to be something that God does.

I'm mindful of how the Bible tells us that the first people on earth desired to build a place which would help them always be one (Genesis 11). God saw it and knew that there could be no right oneness on earth without him - he confused their language and scattered them. But when God eventually gave a spiritual tongue that all men could speak (Acts 2:8), they were drawn together, their heart was for him and not for themselves.

I think that always needs to be the foundation for community - a desire for God that unites many individuals in his one life. Without it, I'd be reluctant to try.

An observation or two - Jesus Army Life

2011-09-26T19:06:00.001Z

I'm sure I've written about my journey to work before. Simply put, it's a west to east, east to west journey, which means that I get to enjoy a little sunrise and sunset each day.

If not full strokes of coloured clouds then there is, at least, a different intensity of light to that of the full blown day. The hues of the rural landscape are more distinct, clouds tend to forming or drifting apart, and the sense of anticipation, of fulfilment or relief at these times easily drowns out the mundanity of just another day.

That is, when I take the time to notice.

Sunrise over a field
by Kimberly Gauthier

At one point in the journey there is a long enough gap in the line of trees to reveal a stretch of valley leading towards my journey's destination. Whenever I gaze over it, it reminds me of a scene from The Shire of Hobbit lore: a patchwork of colour, undulating hills, a hazy distant light. It's inspiring.

And, if you're lucky, as you pass by the canal, there will be just the right mix of fog and sun to create a golden glow, narrowboats look sleeping monsters as you fly by. On the return route you might just spy a lake with the sun glistening in its reflection. Something within beckons to another world far away from the daily commute when I see these things.

But, normally, I'm too lost in my own thoughts to see.

It seems to me that blogging can be a bit like these scenes on my journey. Sure enough there are less interesting things to see as well, but surely everything is worthy of note, if I take the time to see it.

Sometimes life whizzes by at such a pace you forget to notice. It's too easy not to pause and appreciate all those glorious details of life. Sometimes writing is like looking up and out of the window, just to take in the view, before life flies by again.

This year I got married, twice, to the same person. And it's all happened so fast I've barely had a chance to appreciate the amazing things that have happened. But, as I take a moment to take it all in, I'm bedazzled by what God has done in my life, the woman God has given me and the journey we've travelled for us to be together. But, perhaps, if there's time, and you and I both pause long enough, I could share with you some of the delights of this story we're living, and together we can breathe in how sacred life actually is.

Seasons - Jesus Army Life

2010-11-08T05:38:00.003Z

Following a prophesied time of "shaking" the community where I live is finding its feet again.

There are a few things over the past couple of months I would highlight as significant.

We had a couple of days of decorating and fixing up the house. The days were themed as a time of 'work and worship'. Interestingly, it was around this time that loved sons and daughters began to reappear, some only briefly, some choosing to stay around. We have felt very blessed by this. Also, a new family began to 'find family' among us - they are very loved and welcome.

Our 'homemaking team' was rearranged and reinforced, which provided necessary respite for some and a good challenge for others. It has brought a subtle permeative vitality to home-life. One of our most professional folk joined the team part time and discovered that she "absolutely loved domestic work". It's not directly connected but, the health of some residents has been improving too. I note that here because it all signifies new strength among us.

A group from a different community house came to visit us, and we felt overwhelmed by the love and life they brought with them. We went for an Autumn walk together, enjoyed a curry, worshiped, laughed and spoke the word of God to one another. It almost feels like the banner has been raised over White Stone house, that love and the strength of the church wins over all.

Lastly, my preferred test of the buoyancy of spiritual life here at White Stone - our open-house friendship meal on Thursday nights: After experiencing several quiet weeks, these are once again filling up with people.

Ironic perhaps that as we enjoy the flame like colours of Autumn it feels like Spring is returning to this Christian house. But I recently learned that the buds of promise we rejoice over when Winter departs are actually produced before the weather turns cold. They silently wait for the first true signs of warmth before they burst into life. Perhaps it will be the same for us.

The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armour of light.
Romans 13

In Jesus' name, we say 'Yes!'

Birthdays, the celebration of muchness - Jesus Army Life

2010-09-17T16:11:00.008Z

Birthdays. Wonderful times. The milestones of life. But they become just much of a muchness after a while, don't they?

The years add up and become indistinct from one another.

Heaven forbid if your birthday is associated with something bad - some people just don't want to go there.

But there is much to celebrate - whoever you are.

Reflecting on my own birthday yesterday, it seems that the best thing about a birthday is having the friends to celebrate it with. It's an opportunity for life's companions, the people who love you, to remind you how much they do just that: just - love - you.

It's not really about the milestones is it? They soon stack up.

Birthdays? It's not so much all about me, but realising how much I am loved by others.

It's not only about celebrating another year. It's about basking in the understanding that your world is not really just 'little old you', but all the other special people who are in it too, one of which just happens to be you.

It's not about the gifts. It's about knowing that it's the other people in your life who give you the power to be who you are (without them, you wouldn't be you, you'd be... someone else). And that all the God-given talent you have only manifests itself in your relationship with others.

And it's not about the number of friends you have. It's about knowing that life can't always be like this. Times change. Sometimes a birthday might appear to be the loneliest event on earth...

...But keep looking, friends can be there, particularly in Christian community, to help you know you never need be lonely for long.

And if you know it's someone's birthday, make sure they know how much you love them, perhaps a bit like Tony did below (one of the best stories ever)...

A foretaste of heaven - Jesus Army Life

2010-08-21T22:07:00.002Z

Sometimes community life can be just pure bliss. Today was one of those days.

So many friends relaxing together. Laughter. Sharing hearts. Good food and music. An evening whiled away under the stars.

Worship and hope for the future.

So so good.

Beauty in the hamster wheel - Jesus Army Life

2010-07-03T08:49:00.004Z

For the first time in a while I recognised that liberating sensation. It flowed through me like a breeze of fresh air. I could savour the moment. There was a sense of possibility, foetal hope. Love could bloom here. But it wasn't anything directly supernatural. Neither was it the taste of a cold beer on a warm summer's evening (soon, I hope). No, it was closer to home and more profound than that.

Open arms Originally uploaded by Kenny Teo

It was as if, within my soul, a creative space had opened up, the precious utility of freedom within.

I'm sure you've known something of the opposite experience. I think I’ve had my fill of it: being rushed off your feet, a million things at once, with no reserve left to deal with mounting demands. You wake up thinking of jobs that need to be done and, as soon as one task is completed, you are executing plans for the next one. Mundanity seems like a break. And if you slow down, your mind still can't stop racing. Complete relaxation feels like a luxury.

Perhaps I take myself too seriously but that’s what it feels like... Someone tell me I'm not the only one to have been there?

But then, with a little effort, something can change. You're on top again, life is manageable, prayer is no longer so desperate, it's beginning to make sense. You have time to assess how you're responding to people, you can take a breath and enjoy life, cracking a joke doesn't feel so ironic, it's just beautiful, in the moment.

You can give your best to people with confidence. You feel like you could almost write poetry (I'll save you the torture...)

That's creative space, and you can know it within your soul, especially when you've been missing out for a while.

Creative space is vital – it’s the ability to objectively respond to the happenings around you, to grasp the significance of them and volunteer your own talents to the effort. It is fresh, almost naive energy for the task at hand, whether offering a smile to a friend or taking up a challenging project. Without it, you can only react to every situation around you, with it you could build a Kingdom.

Why do I mention this on a blog about community? There’s something about the communal life, if it is lived with a purpose, which demands the best from you so much of the time (at least it does of me!) Sharing with others can mean you get into a continuous mode of giving (the door is never closed), but sharing life together must also be about receiving from one another. And that takes a conscious decision to welcome others in. At any one time there are a dozen other lives going on around you and you have to make room for these in your heart, not with a sense of responsibility, but with a sense of love. (Admittedly, this is where I often get things wrong.)

In community there are beautiful moments aplenty, but if you can't feast on these with full celebration, there is also a danger. That danger is that while you may have escaped the world's rat race, you can still create your own little hamster wheel, and personally, rather than spinning around in circles, I'd like to be enjoying people and writing bad poetry.

I recently related to a friend how challenging everything seemed to be, and he responded with a question, “Are you saying God’s grace is not enough?”

Take my advice: make space for God and receive His grace, get back to the basics, at least reading the Bible deliberately and often, even if you don’t like it much; make space for God and He will make creative space for you.

She said no - Jesus Army Life

2010-06-10T15:08:00.008Z

How counter culture could you go?
Mont Saint Michel Revisited Originally uploaded by Ben Heine

I was challenged to write this ok?

So I'm making it up as I go along.

And it's my fault. A friend asked me what she should blog about and I tried to think of the most challenging thing possible.

So I said, 'write about celibacy'. And she said, 'only if you do too!'

It should be easy for me. I mean I live with several people who have decided that they are never going to marry. Why? Because they love God so much they want to live entirely for him (together with their friends).

But that sentence is enough to send most minds spinning. Mine too sometimes...

And yet I've seen it in action and it works, not always, but mostly; and it's a beautiful thing...

It's great to be around single people who just want to live life to the full, but not in a way that serves their own interests, but others'. There's a family who live in the house too and they bring lots of life - in fact the simple humour and pleasure of sharing their lives is truly humbling - but it's different. Being with celibates is inspiring, not because they are individually anything amazing (though they are) but because their direction in life causes you to look upwards to greater things. To things like living for God.

And there's an even edgier reality to all this. I spoke to a man yesterday who knows a family with 13 children - 13! There's no selfishness in that kind of life is there? Plenty of joy I imagine, but not much spare cash or time. They didn't do it because they wanted to live-the-good-life. They made a strong choice not to live according to the common assumptions about how to be happy but in a way that fully celebrates life and yet is counter cultural.

In its own way, but in the other direction, celibacy is a full-on way of life too. Indeed it goes further in not choosing the world's standards but a different way. I have friends, male and female who've said no to marriage for an adventure full of sacrifice and experience. A life filled with the choice to give yourself to other people and to God. In effect they've said no to the love of one friend above all others in exchange for a yes to the freedom to love as many friends as possible as much as possible. Famous Christian celibates like John Stott, Mike Pillavachi and ~~Jackie Pullinger~~ Corrie Ten Boom have always done that.

And I'm grateful that people like this, counter cultural people, married and celibate people, have always blessed me as I learn to follow Jesus, who is the ultimate in counter culture - because, of course, he wasn't married either was he?

Metaphysically fixing - Jesus Army Life

2010-06-04T21:06:00.006Z

I arrived home planning to spend the evening in the park. It was a hot day and the evening was free. So I fixed myself dinner but then soon found myself fixing something else.

One of my friends came to report that a pipe was leaking. I'd known the pipe had been dodgy for the last week but she told me water was coming through the ceiling, which made things a little more urgent...

Photo originally uploaded by Terekhova

So much for an evening in the park.

After about an hour of prodding and lifting floor boards, shouting down two floors and reaching into impossible places, we got the problem sorted.

And I'm glad we got the pipe fixed together. It was good working with the sister, she's a very practical sort of person and a friend I cherish. But occasionally it can be difficult to reach past that practical side of her nature.

It's not only this friend in particular, it can be all friendships in a community life which struggle to get past this obstacle. Community is a very practical thing in some ways. We deliberately share our possessions, our money, our space, our transport so that we can share our lives. But community isn't only sharing things on a practical level - it has to go beyond that - it's sharing the smallest of joys, a greeting on the stairs, a frustration over a problem, a silent moment.

If life together is only shared practically then community does not exist, but if in each moment you can savour the privilege of working together (a thank-you for the lift or the meal, an invitation to share in an activity together, through every small encouragement) then you will be able to fix a lot more than broken piping, you can also fix broken hearts.

Encourage one another every day
Hebrews 3

Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.
And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another
Hebrews 10

Pit stop - Jesus Army Life

2010-05-07T22:16:00.004Z

I got home tired but happy, we'd used the evening to support a church group 50 miles away, and then I found the door had been broken...

Peugeot 504 Coupe Originally uploaded by 96dpi

Something inside me flipped. Why would people do that to our home? Don't they care at all? It turned out it was an accident but I was fuming. Then, the friend I'd pointedly asked about the door turned on me - I wasn't willing to see any good in our visitors, I was just blaming people - he had a point. We argued and we finally calmed down.

Except I wasn't calm, I was still furious. It was a long time before I went to sleep that night.

Why had I become so angry?

A couple of nights later another friend and I popped in on some old mates of mine. I used to hang out with them, they used to get up to all sorts (they still do), but my friend was able to see that there was something good in these lads - a spark of God, if only it could be ignited.

I felt the same, but still part of me was jaded. What could Jesus do in these guys that he hadn't already done? A battle churned inside me as I struggled between a longing for God to impact these men's lives and the thought that it could never happen; there was too much in the way: so much drugs, women, life-drudgery.

But, this is not a story of how Jesus has turned lives around (though I know the cause of Jesus is so much more exciting than any of those things could be) it's a story of God shaping me.

Coming away from that moment, I reflected how I love to be in the place where I'm meeting people, being a connection for them to church, to hope, to the possibility of life-change and of love, to a brighter future. And I also felt how worn out I was by trying to achieve this in too many places.

The unexplained anger is still there, it boils inside of me. Is it that I can't be that channel of life I once was? Am I too stretched? Am I angry with my God? And yet, until God says different, this is how it's got to be - I can't turn back from starting something where there's an open door to build, I have to continue.

And I haven't reached the end of the story yet. I don't know if this story will have an ending. But I sense I'm being reminded of the need to see the Jesus-seed in every person: the possibility that their life can flourish with hope (that I definitely shouldn't blame them) and that this is more important than how tired I might be feeling, and that this might also be the source of the calm I need.

Holiness ablaze - Jesus Army Life

2010-04-13T15:58:00.001Z

Which is more holy?

A gang of more than 20 guys chatting and singing round the fire, sharing in the love and life of Christian fellowship?

Or two local lads who've clearly smoked too much weed, satisfying their 'munchies' with egg on toast in our home kitchen, looked after by and laughing with the resident saints?

Obvious isn't it?

It's both.

Holiness is all about where heaven touches earth. It's that simple moment when Jesus is found in those everyday activities - made special because, consciously or unconsciously, God is truly welcome. Really, it doesn't matter so much how right or wrong the situation is - most times things are never completely good and often the bad isn't completely bad either. What really matters is that these moments express the deepest truth, that God has stepped into our experience, in the historical figure of Jesus, and is bringing something eternally good out of the mess.

Life Flow - Jesus Army Life

2010-03-04T16:06:00.000Z

One of the questions I've got at the moment is how can I take control of my life?

I guess you need to know the context. It's my fault, I joined this church out of a desire to "pour out my life for God" - all my energy, all my purpose, all my achievement I wanted it to be God-wards. And I think, to some extent, that has come true, though there's massive room for improvement.

Occcasionally I do things like go to see my extended family, take a couple of days away, go out with friends, but in spite of these things I still sometimes feel like a Christian-machine when it comes to church life. I suppose it's just because most of my evenings are filled with churchy things.

And I want it that way too, honestly. I love this life! I want to be flowing in God's joy and purpose (if that's not too weird a thing to say), I want to be loving and serving his church and reaching out to those who seek him and those who want to know him, and even those who don't want to know him if I can help them. But what I don't want is to lose myself in things which aren't of value to God. I don't want to give myself over to insubstantial things. So, yes, I do a lot of church stuff, because I believe it's achieving something for some people.

Yet, at the same time, if you do too much you run out of the energy and the inspiration to do more, and perhaps that's what's happened to me. Sometimes I can feel like I don't need the hassle. Hence my desire to take control of life - a kind of compromise.

Something struck me when I was singing the other day:

"May the words of my mouth
and the meditation of my heart
be acceptable in your sight O Lord"
(Psalm 19)

It's got me thinking, all this trying to do the right thing or trying to avoid the wrong thing is not worth a fig really, it's not really what this God-following-life is all about - it's just trying to enjoy the relationship with the one you love as much as possible that counts. The rest of life flows out of that.

The one who walks beside - Jesus Army Life

2010-02-12T21:13:00.014Z

I'm trying to work out what I need to express. One of the emblems of our church is a swirl of colours, reds, yellows, greens and purples combined into a river of life.

The original wisdom behind this is a picture of many coloured candles which melted into one, fusing their lights into one beacon of hope - a sign of the unity God's love brings to his people.

This church is a people of life. You can feel it every time we get together. It's not about a set of individuals gathering with their small personal agendas, it's a positivity, a sense of relaxed togetherness. Sometimes you might think of people singing together around a camp fire, there's a beauty there, but that's not what I'm talking about - this is different, a renewed family, the ties here are strong, even though they might get stretched, even torn. It's about a pattern of life which doesn't just last for a moment, a sense that whoever we are, we all belong to the same organic root, we all drink of the same spirit-life and it has covenanted us together.

I write this because it's been a hard week and, as I sit at the church's music-cafe night, it's good to remember we are a beautiful people, for all our faults and ups and downs. I like the fact that we can stand by each other, even though life can seem like it's been ripped down the middle.

Things are never easy, we people certainly aren't simple. Somehow in all the craziness and complications God reaches through and comforts.

Tribal odyssey - Jesus Army Life

2010-02-01T22:11:00.002Z

This weekend we were together for a 'big meeting'. Big meeting is my personal terminology for a gathering which involves our entire church. They are usually exciting, often inspiring and always significant.

What was special about this one? You'd have to ask a few different people to get a full picture, and of course, you'd get several different answers. Someone today said it was the exploratory worship - a whole church breaking out of routine songs into breathtaking spiritual life. Another commented that it was the moment when so many valued friends walked out of the meeting - about a fifth of the people there - they all departed to show how desperate we would be without the many individuals who have devoted everything to God and his church (but they came back, it was only a demonstration). For me it was seeing so many many people having a great time together, relaxed, loving each other, positive about God and willing to face the future as one.

And we are one. We'll be back together in under thirty days to explore the journey together a little bit more, and then together again the month after that and the month after that. That's what it means to be part of a committed people and that's why the times together are always significant whether we're succeeding or failing. Ultimately this is a tribal odyssey and vibrant or desperate, we're going through it all as a people who have learnt to laugh together and to cry together.

Photo by adebⓞnd of flickr.com

Jesus Army - Frozen life

2010-01-07T22:40:00.004Z

They say a picture can speak a thousand words, but a word may also paint a thousand pictures. I wonder what images the following epithets conjure up for you.

God. Jesus.
Holy fire. A people.
Humble friendship. Synergy.
Life.

It's a spiritual haiku of sorts, a condensed expression on the blessing of a Christian's life.

Often however, it's just too hard to sum things up. There are thoughts I've never spoken, essays I've never published, things I feel can't be understood unless you come real close, intimate enough to stare deeply.

But who takes the time to stop and stare?

Time passes while we remain ignorant to the myriad of beautiful things which grace our lives. We would witness treasures which could transform our souls if only we knew how to drink them in, not least the insurmountable value we should find in the lives of one another. I recently read that the reason God does not let us see each other the way He sees us is that, if we did, we would fall down and worship one another.

As a child I used to pretend to be asleep sometimes (don't we all?) But occasionally I did it because I wanted people to have a chance to see the real me. When we are at peace it gives others a chance to observe how amazing we all are, and I thought maybe other people might be able to experience that about me - a strange thought I know. But unless everything is still just for an instant, unless everything in the world around us is frozen, we rarely get the chance to see how incredibly wonderful and deeply inspiring it all is.

Kirkegaard commented that, "Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste that they hurry past it."

I have found that it is often our nearest, dearest companions, who are the key to helping us pause and perceive how sacred life is. We don't need to be voyeurs to become enchanted, we just need to have the ability to stop and listen to their words.

Jesus Army Life - Wastelands

2009-12-26T14:29:00.003Z

I just dropped a recovering alcoholic off at a rehab after he stayed with us for two days. He's been on a waiting list for a while and is hopeful that he is going to make good on his abstinence. I'm glad we were able to help him avoid this particular temptation during the Christmas period; if all goes well he will be able to rejoin his family and begin to sort out his life.

Yesterday (Christmas Day) we took a walk around a lake and across a few icy fields. There were about thirty of us and it felt like a tribe crossing the wilderness of the frozen tundra. The thick sheet of ice which covered the lake was enchantingly beautiful as the low winter sun dazzled on its frosted glass. There were no clouds and only a setting sun to bear witness to this company of sojourners.

Sometimes the struggle of one life barely seems worthwhile in the light of a harsh continued existence. But when you travel with others, life's questions and even its trials are placed in perspective, beauty becomes the backdrop to the hope of finding a way through and you are reminded that nothing is without purpose even when all seems wasted.

photo by Scott M Duncan at Flickr.com

Touching heaven - Jesus Army Life

2009-10-20T21:24:00.004Z

We prayed for one of our sisters tonight. It was her birthday yesterday and we were celebrating. Sometimes the presence of God doesn't have to be big fireworks or a fearsome atmosphere, sometimes it can be a quiet tangible moment like it was then. We spoke words of warmth and encouragement; you could feel that something was happening deep inside, and that was it, the moment passed. But God was there, meeting our friend in her need, meeting all of us in our love.

detail of fine art photo by Adrienne Eberhardt, from bk2000's collection on flickr.com

Jesus Army Life - When words are few

2009-10-11T21:44:00.002Z

More waffle than a dutch pancake.

That was the phrase I learnt tonight, I thought it was so wonderful I had to note it down. And I wonder if it describes my current consternation.

I guess there are times when you realise that everything depends on faith. Project nos 1,2,3 & 4 won't succeed without faith. Relationships 1,2,3,4,5 definitely need faith if they are going to find God's blessing.

But when it comes to prayer, I try to pour out my heart and find myself talking in circles. The reality is I'm so nervous about the issue, so focused on it working out that I'm often thinking more than I'm praying. The words come but they don't mean much - more waffle than a dutch pancake you might say.

Sometimes I write prayers down because it's the only way I can think/pray straight. But what I'm (re)learning is that to know this God and truly believe him are two separate things. It's good to be able to come to him but to trust him for every work seems to be another bigger step. Yet, isn't that what knowing God is really all about? That's why he's so mysterious, he doesn't want to make it easy, he wants us to learn.

We've got a few people staying this weekend. I know they've been blessed by the experience. In a sense they are benefiting from the enrichment of faith already invested by others. Indeed, so much that we do builds on the faith of the ones who have struggled before us and yet, in contrast, we so easily fear the fight ahead. It is said that 'we stand on the shoulders of giants' and I believe it. Faith, it seems to me, is the tapestry of the future we are already weaving, a reality that we build into. It is the great reward of a God who is able to provide so much for us in the first place.

So why bother waffling?

photo by malik ml williams of flickr.com

Jesus Army Life - Love affair

2009-10-03T16:48:00.004Z

Do you ever sit back and just drink life in? I don't mean take time to appreciate it, I mean to suck all of its wonder and dynamism into yourself, to know that there is something greater, more powerful, of deeper richness, than you out there and that the very air throbs with its being?

I say 'out there' which is technically incorrect because I feel I am and believe you are a very part of it and yet the source, the power station of this life, is beyond us - unknowable but interactive, inexhaustible and yet intimately close; closer than our brother scripture teaches, closer than my breath I once heard someone declare.

Do you ever stop to listen to his pulse, his harmony? Do you ever just stop to know him, and feel like you are curiously peaking behind the scenes and only to discover animated life in greater intensity, sparkling, infectious, glorious in its effervescence. It feels like breathing in something
new and yet you are simply drawing in the magnificence of God, coming close to the veil, stepping into the thin place.

And all that I feel is joy. And there are times when I've done this, just paused to acknowledge God as deeply as possible from the itch in my toe to the babbling of my thoughts, from the breeze of air to the noises of motion, and simply found myself laughing in humility, embarrassment and delight.

None of this begins to describe the sensation of God's Spirit within or around me, that is something entirely different. It is simply my soul grooving on a celestial vibe - somehow knowing the irrepressible, almighty creator because I choose to let everything sing his glory and he has insisted that his glory be known.

And I don't think that this even come close to describing a small part of what it is to know him. It is barely a facet of the love affair with the divine.

photo by eggman of flickr.com

Jesus Army Life - The unmistakable '?'

2009-09-29T22:43:00.002Z

I want to express something. I'm probably going to get it all wrong, but there is this person I'm totally excited about. I'm excited because this person is in the habit of staying completely mysterious and yet showing up in my life in the most memorable ways. And I want to search them out, I want to track him down and I want my heart to be his heart. I want to know his will and let his future be my possibility. I'm astounded by his ability to recreate new magic in people's lives, to bring good out of bad, the impossible out of the mundane, faith out of cynicism. He's invaded history countless times and he's so close to my own heart. It's not like I even know him and yet he is present in my soul, and I'm excited by the chase, my life is a spirit-blown adventure. And more and more, his supernatural goodness breaks in to my cold hard reality - bringing an impact to the lives of those I know, whether they believe him or not. He is the unmistakable question mark in everyone's' lives and I want him to be the defining mark in mine.

Jesus Army Life - At the monastery

2009-09-27T16:22:00.003Z

I popped in on a nun in a monastery the other day, as you do. She was part of the Carmelite order. A couple of friends and I were passing by so we thought we'd just knock on the door. The friars were away, probably off climbing trees somewhere, so she took us into their lounge and we sat down for a chat.

I'm not sure I'll ever forget the event; it was not so much incredible as simply affirming. Here was this little aged lady happily talking about life and her passion for the church to three young men she'd never met before.

The experience seemed to put so much into perspective. She told us about the history of the order (legend has it they existed before the birth of the Christian church as a group of hermits seeking God, but were converted at Pentecost, but they are more well known for St Theresa for Avila). She recounted her own walk with God, having become a nun at 25 and now, 56 years later, not regretting it one bit. She received our questions with tenderness, godly reverence and not a little excitement. There was so much more I could have asked of this woman who'd spent her whole life in prayer, I wanted to learn as much as possible from her.

Perhaps the most encouraging part was to realise that the values which we champion as the Jesus Army, principles which seem to cast us as radicals among other mainstream churches (shared-community, the choice of celibacy and a lifelong covenant commitment) were the same fundamentals reflected in the nun's commitment to poverty, chastity and obedience. These things which we struggle to explain as a 40 years young church were practices enshrined by centuries of tradition in their monastic order. And it didn't stop there: further features like church run businesses, maintaining a healthy distance between the society of men and women, having some live in community and some in their own place, the leadership of men and the ministry of women -- these were characteristics found in their organisation too. Even our characteristic busyness was reflected as this 81 year old woman suddenly realised she was late and with a firm handshake, bid us goodbye and rushed off to vespers.

Right now I', glad to be back at White Stone house. It's Sunday afternoon, we've had six families here for dinner and the many children have been playing in the garden. As friends we have chatted and laughed together -- it's been a blissful afternoon. But I'm left with fond thoughts of the sister we met. I'm recommending to all my friends that if you want to do something extraordinary before the year out, if you've found yourself feeling flat and wondering what life is about, go and spend an hour or even a few days with a nun or monk at a monastery -- you'll find it a life changing experience.

Jesus Army Life - Birthdays

2009-09-20T15:45:00.002Z

It was my birthday this week. Not that I'm looking for blessings from well wishers, but birthdays in a shared-community are shall we say... interesting.

It's a great opportunity to appreciate the person concerned (in this case me - hooray!) We all gather together and the honorary individual is given a huge cake plus a home-made card signed by everyone. The great thing about this is that the card also includes thoughts, appreciations, encouraging words and perhaps even exhortations. There's usually just one main gift, though many contribute a few smaller ones, usually treats in the form of food. As the cake is brought in a very embarrassing song is sung (it's always the same 'we love you' song, it's awful!) There's a lot of whooping and clapping and finally some prayer with prophecy for the year ahead.

This year (and I'm kind of saying this here so I can remember), the words for me were about a pearl (beauty from suffering) a sugar cube dissolving (individual self denial sweetening the whole) and a city of lights (vision for Worcester coming into fruition).

The important thing is that the individual is honoured, and I know I always come out of these situations feeling loved and favoured.

I can think of some pretty special birthdays we've celebrated lately, like the time we shipped off to the coast for a midnight swim and beach breakfast, or another time where we marked a 21st birthday with the brothers cooking sausages over a bonfire, just singing and seeking God together.

I guess birthdays for us aren't supposed to be self-indulgent so it's useful to cut against the 'my important day' approach and the go-out-and-get-wasted tradition. Hopefully it's used as a time to value the individual as a family and encourage them in the life they have chosen. For me, I try to use it as a time to review how I'm doing spiritually, a time to give the life I've been given back to the One who made me in the first place.

Jesus Army Life - The best medicine

2009-09-13T21:41:00.003Z

There's a lot of laughter tonight. I'm not sure if it's to cover the sadness of an old friend leaving to study or whether it's just new friends drawing close together.

When Paul listed the spiritual gifts I think he should have included laughter. Those who love to laugh or who make others laugh are certainly gifts in themselves. I have friends for whom it would seem there is no cure for their malaise except laughter. But then I can also think of others for whom the medicine is love, and for others faith. Is laughter therefore hope?

That's the kind of spiritual conclusion which would satisfy me tonight

Photo by shindz of flickr.com.

Jesus Army Life - Being broken

2009-09-06T22:30:00.001Z

Community-life is a certifiably amazing experience. We've just had one person say farewell, when another decides to stay. It brings a lot of life to the house when new people who are with you are discovering the magic of sharing their complete life with others they only slightly know.

But what happens when you've been round the block several times already? And what about when you're actually worn out from doing too much and no longer feel that magic about the place? How amazing can it be then?

I reckon that everyone who lives in a community-house will go through a time of brokenness at some point, for many it will be several times over. (How else can you deal with pouring of you life and heart for someone and it still not working out? - Stay with me here, there's a happy ending...) It all comes out the refusal-to-hide-from-life experience that shared-community is. You choose to love, it doesn't work out how you planned; you have a choice to either run away, or somehow learn to keep going. Somehow you have to find the will to love again, to forgive, and to hope again. It's not all that easy, I speak from experience.

One of the most beautiful things for me is realising that there is a fresh place to store my hope where it will never be crushed. I would write more on this, but all I know right now is that Jesus has promised to return, and in His promise is the assurance of a greater day to which all hope points. Heaven is the home of hope and all that we do now, all our courage and love, is spent in the knowledge that one day it will be worth it. Crucially, knowing that I can trust God with the most precious part of me I feel able to give to others.

Without the will to be available for other people and their needs, community-living can be a nightmare because you don't feel you have enough energy for yourself, let alone anyone else. But if you can stick it out until you find the wherewithal to give again it once more becomes a beautiful, wonder-filled, laughter-lined experience. You can enjoy other people because there is the buoyancy within you to do so.

John-Paul Sartre said hell is other people. I beg to differ. I think 'other people' is where you begin to discover heaven.

It's been all of a blur - Jesus Army Life

2009-08-22T18:14:00.006Z

I've been wanting to write here for ages.

And in that sentence seems to be the summary of years of experience.

Living in a community can be challenging, fun, beautiful, inspiring and even exhillerating but all those things mean that it also takes up a lot of time. It means that I've been hunting for opportunities to write but not finding them... Writing for me, is a cumbersome process, and when I'm blogging it takes a good half hour at least. But if you take a look at my daily schedule you'll begin to understand how difficult it can be to squeeze this in.

6.30: Get up, exercise, wash, dress etc.
7.30: Commute to work, pray
8.30: Work
12:30: Lunch (get out for some fresh air, preferably with a friend or hot foot it to the library to read the paper for quater of an hour)
1:15: Work
5:00: Commute home, read (if I have the energy)
6:00: Mysterious half hour which disappears into the ether (usually involves getting a drink, changing clothes, chatting to people, admin or organising stuff, maybe practising the saxophone for 10 minutes)
6:30: Dinner and wash up*
7:45: People come round for the evening community activity: normally a meeting or friendship activity of some sort* (The times evening activities finish vary but it normally crashes into the 10:30 barrier some how, having cleared up, washed up, caught up with folk, driven people home.)
10:30: Someone else is always on the computer! (Not surprising since it is shared by 16 other people.) And this also tends to be an important time for just relaxing with the people you actually live with (it rarely happens during the activity times!)
11:30: I really should be in bed

* People who've experienced living in our community will laugh at this - they know the evenings are never this simple; life is rarely straightfoward in community.

The weekends continue at roughly the same pace. Saturdays involve housework, a bit of time with God and exercise, a big lunch and evening fellowship. Sundays involve church meetings, prayer meetings, leadership type meetings and another big lunch which lasts most of the afternoon (you can understand why I exercise so much).

We joke about 'going to work for a rest' but it can be so true. Community life never stops. Come downstairs in the middle of the night and there's this gorgeous haunting atmosphere of paused time, all the hustle and bustle just waiting, taking a breath before the juggernaught of the next day's activity hits you again.

Don't get me wrong. There will be the odd free evening or afternoon but they become crucial times for seeing important friends or JUST DOING NOTHING! (which occassionally has to be diaried in). I tend to see Friday evening to Saturday evening as a time where I will do things I choose to do (a kind of personal sabbath), but it still involves getting out to see people, doing something fun to build brotherhood, helping a friend with something, that kind of stuff, and it doesn't always happen.

Oh, did I mention volunteering to work in the wider community via the Jesus Centre a few times a month?

Doing the usual stuff like family visits, going on trips, personal projects, just messing around - that still happens too, but you often have to carve out the time, perhaps miss a few community things.

So that's my life, and it's taken me well over an hour to write this...

Photo by Kaká on Flickr.com

R.I.P Daniel Patterson and Noel Stanton - Jesus Army Life

2009-05-22T09:32:00.013Z

The last few days have been humbling.

Last week I attended the funeral of a popular young man. There were so many people at the funeral that some people had to stand in the car park while the service went on inside. I'd estimate there were about 500 people there. But more than that, there were so many of his friends whom I knew personally, loved personally, there too. He was a crazy kind of guy, always ready to make people laugh, and with a sensitive heart too. And I was deeply touched. He taught me something.

I wondered what kind of impact I'd had on those young friends. Had I ever been too harsh, too judgemental, too critical? I'd never deliberately want to be so, but I'm now keenly aware that with so many people you only get one chance. One chance to show them the Jesus you love, by being the truest, most loving person you can be.

Next week I will attend the funeral of a popular old man. The tributes are pouring in. He's been the leader of my church for some 40 years and the impact he's had on many, many lives seems to me unrepeatable. He was a man who dared to speak truth and stand for truth where so many would settle for a quieter life. But more, what impressed me about him was that he stood for love - a practical, unashamed love, love that was even willing to be harsh if it was going to achieve what was good and right in the end. He had much wisdom too, a man who prayed and listened to God. He stood and many stood with him. And a church was built. He led the way in community and living celibate for Jesus. I know I desire to be someone who will dare to stand as he taught us to stand - till the end, sacrificing all, for Jesus.

I'm sure he made mistakes, God knows my first friend did, but I guess I'm asking what does it all count for? Am I, am I and my friends willing to carry on being real and raw in our faith, to continue loving, to carry on believing in Jesus even though it costs us? Times like these are life changing. It is what I signed up to this Jesus Army for: to be changed and to change others.

Last weekend, someone brought a challenge in church:

'When you make it to heaven and you meet those who died in prison for Jesus, who started revivals for Him, who faced execution in His name, what will you say you did?'

I want to live so I will have something to say.

Rest in peace Daniel Patterson

Extraordinary Daniel Patterson - Coventry Telegraph

and Noel Stanton.

Jesus Army tributes to founder - Northampton Chronicle and Echo

Noel Stanton (1926-2009) - Jesus Army website

Noel Stanton - Man with the Mop blog

Debris - Jesus Army Life

2008-12-24T15:18:00.006Z

In Christian circles we talk about 'the battle' like we're hardened veterans facing an old enemy. What it means is that we've been going through hard times. At White Stone that has certainly been true and, although we've come through, it has not been without its losses.

At the latest sign of trouble on Sunday we rallied together for some prayer and a sister had this prophetic picture. I thought it was quite meaningful so I've put it up here.

A picture of a single room house, (like in Jesus’ time), representing White Stone. There had been battle, turmoil but this was over.

However there was lots of dust and debris left behind. When the woman tried to sweep this away the dust flew up into the air and caused confusion; she could not see properly.

What you have to do in that situation is sprinkle water on the floor. The dust sticks to the water and you can sweep it away.

The Holy Spirit is saying ’Many of your battles from 2008 are over, but you cannot see that clearly and feel like you are still in the battle. Ask the Holy Spirit to come like rain to cleanse you and the house and then you will know the truth and be able to move on.
We should keep inviting the Holy Spirit when we pray or worship alone or together. As we do so we will feel cleaner and see clearly. This is not a one time event but a continuous need at the moment.

Jesus promises, "the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." Amen, let Him pour.

Photo by onnufry of flickr.com

Jesus Army Life - Thanks!

2008-11-07T09:59:00.003Z

It was a really nice gift - thank-you!

Broken hearts - Jesus Army Life

2008-10-31T20:52:00.005Z

Broken hearts - I don't think I'm just talking about the love broken variety, though I guess they are the more popularly known type. Can hearts get broken over a long period of time,with small repeated breaks until they are entirely bent out of shape? Or is it just a sudden experience? Hope and joy and everything you built your life on suddenly being snatched away? I don't know, but I'm realising that it can be a significant and devastating part of the human experience.

How do you help someone rebuild their life when they can't find the juice to start again? I know people who have obviously been broken in their lives because something has happened to them through no fault of their own. They pick up their life and rebuild it, they keep a positive outlook, but you can see that something is missing, or at least you can once you've known the experience yourself.

So how do you fix a broken heart?

Open heart surgery?
Hope on a drip feed?
Life transplant?
Faith transfusion?
Joy cream for the itchy bits?
Love pills? (prescription only of course)
Or Amnesia anaesthetic? (which can strangely be bought over the counter)

photo bt Sister72 of flickr.com

Jesus Army Life - 'Go to bed for Jesus'

2008-10-24T08:17:00.005Z

There's a lot to be said for a good night's sleep, especially if it is followed by an early morning walk. It's a wonderful thing to go out praying into the dark and see the light break through into a tender dawn as you do so.

I would prefer to be part of the bustling life that happens in every Jesus Army community house on a Thursday night - it's friendship evening so a big meal is cooked and lots of friends come round. However, I find that I'm pretty worn out at the moment, so I opted for an early night. And I feel grateful for it. Rather than snatching a few minutes of prayer I was able to stroll round the park and sort out some thoughts and questions with my heavenly Father.

By all accounts it was a fun evening though, with new friends (someone I met a year ago) and some joyful camaraderie. A chance to relax in the middle of a busy week.

photo by aphasiafilms of flickr.com

Jesus Army Life - Just need to talk

2008-10-21T08:07:00.006Z

When you go through hard times, as I have recently, the most important thing you need to do is talk.

It's an interesting word talk - because it doesn't mean give someone a brief 5-point outline of your problem; it doesn't mean attempting to win an Oscar for looking miserable until a friend asks you what's wrong; it doesn't really mean dramatically entering a room and demanding that your friend stop everything to give you the next 30 minutes of their time (though if nothing else is working it's better to try this than nothing at all).

Among friends talking means conversation, obviously. It's about a sharing of emotions, ideas and opnions. It's about mutual affirmation and encouragement and, if necessary, a bit of a reality check.

So when did you last talk?

I have many friends, for which I'm very glad. I'm due to go for a walk with one at lunchtime, and I hope to catch another before dinner tonight. Friends make you a priority - which is important because when we're living in a fast paced life it's easy to forget important things. And when you're feeling negative, no matter how many friends you have, it's too easy to feel forgotten.

But the reality is we really can go through several days without 'talking'. Last night I had an hour's conversation with a friend just because they needed to share something that was on their mind. The chat did me a lot of good too and despite going to bed late I slept better than I have for a long while. I know I need more conversations like that.

I think I need to create a new standard message for texts on my phone: "Need to talk to you about some of the stuff I've been going through. Do you think you might have time later?" I'm going to do it now - it just might revolutionise my life.

photo by steveharris of flickr.com

Jesus Army Life - Old friends

2008-10-20T08:25:00.004Z

I bumped into an old friend last night. He came along to the Jesus Centre and it was good to see him catching up with lots of people who have time for him - we had only been talking about him a few days before.

One of the things I've realised about life is that when you go out of your way to love people they seldom forget. People can come into your life and then leave you perhaps travelling across to the other side of the world, they may even slam the door as they go, but they never forget you. Sooner or later you will hear from them in one way or another and you realise they still think about you.

And that is one of the most wonderful blesssings I know.

photo by Joshua Rappeneker of flickr.com

Changing rooms - Jesus Army Life

2008-08-13T14:50:00.005Z

The day has come. The brothers are moving into the big sisters' room (only because the sisters are moving into the space created by some newly constructed bedrooms). But we knew this day would be ours!

Now, we've many temporary guests but the call must go to those who want to build community to make it a shining light of God's Kingdom forever. And they will come...

photo by thom82 of flickr.com

Soldier girls - Jesus Army Life

2008-07-28T16:05:00.003Z

Yesterday morning the male leaders at White Stone met to discuss household issues. There were some serious matters on the agenda as loved brethren were going through a tough time. Many of us were stressed and tired and feelings were running high.

Imagine the surprise when we walked into the 'Quiet room' to find a room filled with colour, balloons hanging from the ceiling with messages of encouragement and scripture reminding us to trust in the Lord. A sister leader and her disciples had been busy the night before creating gifts of love for us.

We held the meeting in a relaxed if not slightly surreal atmosphere.

It reminded me how great the women in our household are. When the battle is on they are willing to be there right beside their brothers, encouraging them to stand in the fight, communicating by their own grace a trust in God and the Church to do the right thing. It was humbling and precious.

Jesus Army Life - Syncopated Rhythms

2008-07-24T14:29:00.006Z

Living in community it's quite important to be deliberate in showing love to your friends from time to time. The temptation can be to just live out the rhythm of community life, rather than live spontaneously for people.

Rhythms in life are healthy but without something to draw attention to their beauty you are unlikely to realise how good they feel. So in community we live out a pattern of love for one another, but we've got to keep finding ways to highlight the love we feel.

Little gifts or notes can be good, as can long conversations with a friend, sometimes it's just about helping someone with their regular chores... Whatever it is, it's got to keep happening or the constant rhythm is in danger of becoming mundane. And people in danger of forgetting that they really are loved.

Photo by of Mrs.Maze flickr.com

Jesus Army Life - London Day

2008-07-21T12:41:00.006Z

Once a year our whole church heads down to the streets of London for a Jesus party. With carnivalesque atmosphere we march from the top of Oxford Street down to Trafalgar Square. There's colour, there's dancing, there's music and drama. We always meet lots of people and we always have a good time proclaiming our faith in one of the world's most important capitals.

A moment of beauty - Jesus Army Life

2008-06-03T14:06:00.003Z

It would have been romantic had the moment been shared with someone else. As it was it was with my butch builder room-mate. But there at midnight, leaning out of the window and watching the rain descend on the street below under the shimmering glow of the streetlamps, it was still beautiful.

Earlier in the evening the members of the community had had a meal together, prayed together and deliberately taken the time to relax in one another's company. We spoke about individual member's strengths and laughed at our foolishness. It was an evening of restoration.

My room-mate shared later how he had buzzed with pride and joy as he realised he was sharing his life with many, different wonderful people. We rang a friend we hadn't seen for a while and we chatted with him. And I apologised to my friend for my recent moodiness. We spoke of love and of friends whom we love. And I retired late that night to sleep deeply, with the window slightly ajar, the cool breeze on my face, the sound of rain pattering outside.

Dancing in worship - Jesus Army Life

2008-04-21T15:49:00.002Z

The best thing about this weekend? Enjoying the fellowship of a committed Muslim as we danced together before the Lord at our gospel event.

Loneliness - Jesus Army Life

2008-04-07T15:41:00.004Z

Loneliness is an interesting feature of humanity. It is said you can be lonely in a crowd and I believe it's true.

Loneliness is not only an experience caused by the absence of friends, it's something that happens on the inside too; it can cling to your heart like the shawl of a corpse once poisoned by neglect. The body still inhales and exhales, the lips smile, but it's a veil, the soul inside is lonely.

I'm told some people simply don't do 'lonely', I can't say what it's like for them, but I know some do (I do), and for some it feels so inescapable it is like a mantrap snapped tight around their life.

Even living in community you can feel alone sometimes, though there are good friends there to help. It's not about self pity but there are times when we can all be vulnerable to this particular state of the soul.

So how about you - do you do lonely?

Can you understand what I mean? (Is anyone out there...)

Father's love - Jesus Army Life

2008-04-01T08:37:00.003Z

I'm in awe of the Father's love. In all his commandments, like a true father, none of them are just to make us obedient unwilling servants, but they are for our good. As with a father guiding his son, they are for learning the right way to live. The real blessing of the relationship is our learning to receive what He has to give - to be as open as possible - and He wants to give so much!

"Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"
Luke 10

Jesus Army life - Affirmation

2008-03-28T16:36:00.004Z

Looking after one another has to be one of the main activities of community life. If we're not okay then we can't help other people. But the busyness of community can lead us to retreat into our shells rather than give as we should.

It's a vicious circle: you think no one has noticed the difficulty you're experiencing, so you start to look after yourself, and paying attention to yourself means you're less likely to notice other people's needs and they in turn can feel uncared for.

The reality couldn't be further from the truth. In community we're desperately interested in how others are doing, we're in it together, we want to share our lives. But it doesn't take too much to make people feel like they've gone unnoticed.

Sometimes we have to slow down and remember who we are together. It doesn't take too much for the love to begin flowing again: a quick caring word, a laugh together, a helping hand - just that little bit of attention and affirmation. We have a maxim in our house: If you want to be feel happy, make others happy, if you want to be loved, love others. It works.

photo by beDub of flickr.com

Learning to love God - Jesus Army Life

2008-02-21T15:46:00.006Z

How do you learn to love God? Or if you love God already how do you grow to love him more?

I'm not sure, but I guess it's about letting God fill your life in every way, giving him every part and hiding nothing from him, and, practically, choosing to be obedient - denying yourself so he can then fill you even more.

For me I know I tend to approach God by trying to understand things rather then opening my heart to him but I'm slowly learning the heart has some advantages over the head.

Any suggestions kindly received.

Photo by canonsnapper of flickr.com

Choosing - Jesus Army Life

2008-02-07T14:24:00.000Z

Making life decisions isn't easy, but you can't really hide away from them - they knock around your subconscious until you face them.

(And it's difficult asking God when you can't trust your own heart.)

So what do you do? I guess you can always change your mind - but the prospect of doing so can seem almost as scary as making the decision in the first place. Call me a coward.

I don't think I'm normally like this. Perhaps I've been burnt too many times before. You can lose hope after a while - it can seem safer not to bother trying at all - but that's not really going to help anyone.

And the positives? Prospects of change, greater service to God, times of blessing and joy. What's the risk?

It's the fear of the great unknown - but when you've climbed onto the diving board, you can't really choose not to jump, no matter how stupid you look when you enter the water.

Photo by Brave Heart on Flickr.com

Thanks for everything - Jesus Army Life

2007-12-13T16:10:00.000Z

We've been learning a lot about joy lately. Not because we've been experiencing it but because we need to! And the lessons have been curious too - not about how to experience joy, but when to... "Always be joyful" commands Paul while sitting in a dungeon!

But we did get a good lesson in how to be joyful the other night. Following the bible teaching someone suggested we thank God for all the trials we're going through. So we did: 'thanks God that life feels so tough', 'thanks God that my wife is always ill', 'thanks that my friend is suffering', 'thanks that I'm always such a sinner', 'thanks that my friend has stopped believing in you'...

It sounded so strange - but because it did, we started laughing and a surprising joy spread through the whole group. It was great because all the things we'd struggled with were now being handed over to God, we were remembering who and what was really important through all the challenges of life. It was very releasing, perhaps most of all because it meant we were beginning to focus on what was good rather than all the bad. And you know what? Even the demons, all the bad spirits, were confused as well because the trials they throw our way were being used to give thanks back to God!

Sounds crazy? It will do till you try it.

Conflict - Jesus Army Life

2007-11-29T16:15:00.000Z

Conflict is interesting stuff. I'm not talking about the all out war, shouting in your face kind of conflict. I'm talking about the slightly tense, vibey atmosphere, not seeing eye to eye kind of conflict. How does love deal with that? It's not easy to return love when you are the focus of the antagonism.

I guess you keep a clear head, choose to love and do your best to work out the problem.

I don't mind conflict. Creative tension can be, well, creative. I don't always cope with it well but it doesn't particularly scare me. The trouble is that you don't always see it coming do you? If you know it's coming you can meet it head on but when it catches you unawares it can be an entirely different matter.

("Did he just say that to me? No, surely he didn't mean it that way. Perhaps he did? What's he getting at? Have I upset him? I'm still calm, why isn't he?") By the time I've been through this thought process I'm often well and truly on the defensive and so much on the back foot that I feel like I've just done a few rounds with a professional boxer. It usually takes a bit of courage to throw myself back into the ring.

Now I freely admit I've got my blind spots but you get the point...

I'm not referring to any situation in particular. We all fall out with people now and again - I guess I just find it interesting that often the only way to resolve an issue is by getting riled up first. Isn't there a more easy going relaxed way to do this stuff? Can't colleagues/friends trust each other?... Why not?

Some people seem to spend their life dealing with situations by getting angry about them, others can't seem to even trust someone until they've fallen out with them first. I admire people who adequately express their anger, there are justifiable situations where it's necessary to do so, I'm just not sure how much unnecessary upset is really about the spirit of peace.

I mean has anyone really meditated on what Jesus meant by being peacemakers? The glib answers don't help - I can imagine many scenarios where establishing peace actually does require a bit of vehemence first (what else is justice about if not caring enough to get annoyed about it?) but often there just seems to be so much selfishness involved...

photo by YanivG of flickr.com

Becoming 'like God' - Jesus Army Life

2007-11-09T09:33:00.000Z

Learning to change takes time. It takes determination and a willingness to continue despite many failures. It is not an overnight thing, it will not happen in a day, but it is possible. With accountability, with goals and discipline, with self denial where it counts, with a mind to fight, with perception and repeated analysis of your own attitude it is possible to take hold of the victory you need.

So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.

You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

...Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater — has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.

Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find but what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said:

"Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you."
Ephesians 4-5

Paul insists that we must change. His command comes with the authority of Christ. Once we have given ourselves to what is wrong we are in danger of losing all sensitivity to the issue. No longer is there any barrier, or any defence to that wrong, all that is left is the passion or lust that drove us in that direction in the first place, and if we don't turn back we are lost. "Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control." (Proverbs 25:28)

So we must stop whatever it is that corrupts us. Stopping can take time, but it must be definite, there must be a continual willingness to die to our old ways. But we will never be made new until we are obedient. That is the work of God in us. Pray to get your sensitivity back, God will renew you. But stopping comes first, that's where the hard work comes, the exposing to the light, the learning to understand what God sees as right; it takes a lot of work, but you have no choice you cannot stay stuck in sin. And then, ah yes, we can enter into a newness of life, we can begin to be "like God".

though judged in the flesh like men, they might live in the spirit like God
(1 Peter 4:6)

Photo by zachstern of flickr.com

Two weeks later - Jesus Army Life

2007-10-25T15:47:00.000Z

Well, we're still in touch with some people from the evangelism day: four by my count. Not a great deal you may think, but in terms of getting out there and meeting people and then them actually staying in touch with you it's not bad. I'm not saying we're looking at potential conversions here but they are real relationships and that counts for something.

Just a great day - Jesus Army Life

2007-10-15T10:49:00.000Z

We had an evangelism campaign on Friday which went very well. We're in touch with plenty of people and hope to see some of them soon. There were quite a few new people at our gospel meeting last night in fact.

We just feel very blessed.

Learning - Jesus Army Life

2007-10-09T09:20:00.000Z

Things I'm learning about brotherhood (noun referring to the active fellowship of Christian men or women)...

We all need it - no real brotherhood, no real Christianity

It is the deliberate practice of love - we make time to get to know one another more deeply

Peers are instrumental in setting an example - you can't excuse yourself because you're not in the same age group

It requires you not to be selfish - to work it needs to be prioritised above other individual activities

It is attractive - everyone seeks companionship

It is healing - friends mirror back to you your faults and help you mature beyond them

It builds the church - loving brotherhood draws a crowd

They devoted themselves to the... fellowship (NIV)
Acts 2:42
They were like family to each other (CEV)
They committed themselves to the... the life together (Message)

photo by i is Ashby of flickr.com

Quiet lately - Jesus Army Life

2007-09-28T09:15:00.000Z

Our 'open house' meals have been quiet lately. Last night I found myself agreeing in prayer with a friend that they would become busy again. It is needed. While there's been a need for breathing space with so much recent activity we also need to carry on with the work of growing the church and that means bread and butter evangelism, inviting people to our meals again. 'God gives the growth.'

Photo by Monster. of flickr.com

Labour pains - Jesus Army Life

2007-09-06T14:32:00.000Z

I guess I should tell you about the 'prophetic word' we had recently. It was about difficult childbirths and the wounds a mother receives. Since White Stone began we have had many people who've had abortive conversions or struggled to grow in their faith - it's caused us a huge amount of pain over the last few years. And the word is bringing us to face it. Personally I find it so hard that sometimes I really feel like I can't breathe.

Life generally has been amazingly good recently, a blessing from God; but this particular experiecne is part of God shaping us - pruning us to be fruitful. No one ever said it wouldn't hurt.

Photo by ayvakata of flickr.com

500 RAW - Jesus Army Life

2007-08-06T21:34:00.000Z

It's been an amazing few days. The first UK youth event for Christians organised totally by young Christians (we think) has just taken place - and it's been beautiful. 500 people under the age of 35 pressing their commitment to Jesus even deeper than it was before. 500 Christians worshipping freely, reaching into simplicity and purity and sacrifice and commitment and brotherhood. 500 young men and women learning the lifestyle of the Kingdom of Heaven.

We called it RAW - Real and Wild discipleship, it took place in Northampton and it's produced momentum among our generation. Where before you could find cynicism, listlessness, compromise and misunderstanding now we're seeing a 2nd generation Jesus movement rising up to show what following Jesus is really about - so there was fasting, there were healings, there was help for the poor, there were signs and wonders, there was sharing homes, there was the challenge to live single all our days, the word spread and over three days the numbers increased. We delved into our past and dreamed of a future where nothing counts but a people honed by the love of Jesus showing Jesus to an uncertain world.

For me it was an experience of growing as I helped lead a platoon of saints around the streets of Leicester talking to people about Jesus. And it was a time of learning that God is willing to work through the humble and bring them into His service.

And I can hardly wait for RAW 2008.

photos by Kathryn Callard

Learning power - Jesus Army Life

2007-08-01T14:51:00.000Z

It's been a long time, but I can't help feeling we've come through a bit of a season as a household. Now we're entering into a time of fruitful faith. There will still be need for endurance but we've learnt so much about holding on through the hard times they won't seem so harsh anymore. And the fruit will come, we'll see more people turn to Jesus.

And I'm glad, personally however these last few months have been an opportunity to question the extent of my own spiritual clout. A friend of mine committed suicide a month ago and it's left me angry and disappointed, especially since he sometimes confided in me. I would have hoped that something of God in me might, maybe, have been enough to persuade him that there's a life worth living for. He is a Christian. But it's challenged me.

Will I ever know the power of God enough to bring change to others' lives? I want to, I need to.

Photo by cayusa from flickr.com

Still running - Jesus Army Life

2007-07-11T15:22:00.000Z

It's been ages, I know. What's been lacking? Inspiration? Not really. Vision? Maybe. Energy? Definitely.

This could be a neat way to introduce the theme of perseverance in community, but really, it's more simple than that. I've been worn out. (And to those who love me, 'No, I don't want a holiday.') It's not burn out - at least I hope not, I'd always hoped burn out would be more glamourous than this. It's simply a matter of not being able to juggle too many plates competently and so I had to drop some.

Does this new entry indicate a resurgence in energy? You bet! Though (ouch) I'm still having to take it a little easy (groan).

So I find myself increasing not reducing my vision, refining the love I want to offer into something more solid, and being more definite about my sacrifice, but yes, there are times when I hide more too, times when I have to stop myself reacting too quickly.

It's like I've run the gauntlet and I'm still running, and I don't want to stop. There's still only one thing that counts in this life, one person, and he spent all his life entirely and resumed it all again in greater glory simply for me. So I'm running increasingly more until I can jump through that vortex of death into life unknown with him.

Photo by nnic of flickr.com

Bible bashers can't jump - Jesus Army Life

2007-06-07T09:30:00.000Z

Bible and basketball last night. 4 heathens, 3 Christians. Short chat about how we saw God, shoot a few hoops and invites to tonight's BBQ. Sometimes it seems so simple.

Sadnesses of the Spirit - Jesus Army Life, Day 652

2007-05-23T08:06:00.000Z

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:12

It's been a time of powerful 'anointings' from the Holy Spirit lately - there's been lots of laughter and joy, there have been times of unmissable sadness too. For me it's been a time of travail, I haven't cried so much for a long time. But God knows what he is doing. I look forward to the tree of life that God has promised.

21 photos - captions welcome

2007-05-11T08:48:00.000Z

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Perfect Day - Jesus Army Life, Day 639

2007-05-10T11:38:00.000Z

Quick note to say that last Saturday was perfect: an outing to a castle and meadows on a beautifully sunny day with many of my closest friends. The pictures were fantastic - I'll have to see if I can get a few posted up here.

2007-05-04T11:35:00.000Z

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Busy month - Jesus Army Life, Day 628

2007-04-29T22:18:00.000Z

First White Stone 2 Agape meal. Festival Weekend. Manchester March. Adrian moves in. Goldsmiths Event. Lead Drop In team. Preach at Gospel Event. Regional Leaders meeting. Lead evangelism campaign. Baptism. And relax...?

No, not stressed at all - Jesus Army Life, Day 626

2007-04-27T21:30:00.000Z

Just finished the first day of our two day evangelism campaign. Oooh I find campaigns stressful, moreso because I'm supposed to be in charge. Still it's been a good day, a few people have made some new contacts and we've moved on a step with some old friends. We've prayed for quite a few and there's been some healing as well. So it's working.

The question that remains is: will I survive tomorrow? Maybe, but very possibly without my sanity intact. Good night.

"Heroes aren't born, they're cornered" - Jesus Army Life, Day 622

2007-04-23T15:26:00.000Z

Last night I spoke about heroes. I had to admit to dressing up as superman when I was a kid and performing on the Sunday dinner dining room table. But heroes are supposed to do that aren't they? They're supposed to inspire us. They're supposed to save us too, which is why Jesus' name means God our saviour (Yahu=part of God's Hebrew name, shua=saves in Hebrew) or as I prefer it: God to the rescue!

So who's the hero in your life?

To the Potentate of Time

2007-04-20T08:20:00.000Z

If we had keen vision and feeling for all ordinary human life it would be like hearing the grass grow and the squirrel's heart beat, and we would die of the roar which lies on the other side of silence.
--George Eliot

Double the dynamism - Jesus Army Life, Day 611

2007-04-12T08:44:00.000Z

I'm getting the sense that having a second household is bringing a new dynamic to White Stone. It brings extra muscle to the whole. We all have to operate as part of a small unit, bringing our own gifts and will to bear on the issue of household growth. And the contrast in character of two different groups within one house means that there is always something happening, always one of the two households finding the Spirit, bringing grip, reaching out, knowing the cross. We will have our different emphasis but together we are White Stone, still taking the land, still doing our all to love Jesus.

Photo by ucumari of flickr.com

Bowled over - Jesus Army Life, Day 609

2007-04-10T11:28:00.000Z

I must have mentioned before that White Stone was splitting into two households (that's the name we give to each core unit of the church). Well, on Sunday the households were commissioned and several of us ended up on the floor as the Holy Spirit blessed the bunch of us together. It was fairly hillarious - a typical White Stone rumbustuous event, but it was fairly important too: important to be recognised by the whole church, important to be blessed by the Holy Spirit.

The whole festival weekend was filled with Holy Spirit activity as the church gathered together to seek God. One of our family was so blessed with the Spirit that she couldn't stop talking in tongues and picked up again as neared the marquee tent for a meeting the next morning! I was very glad that many of us were filled with the Holy Spirit. May he not only fill us but affect our character as well.

Me, myself? I had a useful time of initially feeling disappointed by God and then finding a way through to meeting with him. He's calling me to be more Spirit led.

God's generous expansive heart - Jesus Army Life, Day 590

2007-03-22T08:13:00.000Z

those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint
Isaiah 40

In community life can seem very tough at times. It's easy to forget the amazing generosity of God. But in community you don't sign up for an easy life, you pledge yourself to live with other people, for better and worse. If you become tired of all the meetings then you have to question what community is about for you because when we are in community that's what we do, we meet people, all the time.

But I was feeling tired, emotionally worn out. I was getting repeatedly annoyed with God for nothing working out right and desperate for some reprieve; when in bursts my friend and tells me he's had a dream: a dream that remembers God's generosity, that things can be bigger and better, more successful than they already are, because we have a generous God!

It's my hope that news like that doesn't just make my day or week, but makes my life! The tough times will always be there, but that's not the point with God. His heart is more expansive, more roomy than you could ever know... (see Ephesians 3:15-21)

One last thing... God gives every Christian an inspiration of faith and hope when they first meet him. Some aspect of faith so big, so true, that all their vision is expressed in that virtue. For me it was his love, for others it is his power. What was it for you? Return to that principle and live in its reality as much as you can because God gave it to you as a key for you to express his spiritual life as richly as you possibly can!

photo by artandscience of flickr.com

Enter the supernatural - Jesus Army Life, Day 580

2007-03-12T11:52:00.000Z

Why do people in church seem like cheerful, brainless tourists on a packaged tour of the Absolute? … Does anyone have the foggiest idea what sort of power we blithely invoke? Or, as I suspect, does no one believe a word of it? The churches are children playing on the floor with their chemistry sets, mixing up a batch of TNT to kill a Sunday morning. It is madness to wear ladies’ straw hats and velvet hats to church; we should all be wearing crash helmets. Ushers should issue life preservers and signal flares; they should lash us to our pews. For the sleeping god may wake someday and take offense, or the waking god may draw us to where we can never return.
—Annie Dillard

Indeed, with trembling and fear we press in towards a god who will change us forever. So let us quickly press in.

Choice - Jesus Army Life, Day 574

2007-03-06T12:43:00.000Z

Community life leaves you with a stark choice: give your all for the greater good or hide away.

'Hiding' can take various forms. You can sink into problems, you can create little indulgences, you can pretend to be spiritual or you can become stubborn having come this far but no further. None of these compare to laying down your life.

Jesus spoke of laying down his life for his friends (John 15). Who are his friends? Those who love him and obey him. Friendship with God is more than just dutiful service, it is complete intimacy and obedience.

To sacrifice everything you are is to break into real friendship, not only, I believe, with Jesus, but with others who truly want to follow him too. We are called to love one another the same way Jesus loved - by laying down our lives - that is the nature of community.

In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.
Hebrews 12:4

We too easily forget that experiencing hardship is all part of becoming God's son.

Great idea: Beginner's Guide to Sainthood

2007-02-20T10:27:00.000Z

Written by Jack Bernard of the Church of the Sojourners, a community based church in the US

Reservations - Jesus Army Life, Day 558

2007-02-20T09:40:00.000Z

Dear Jesus,
------Please help me to entrust to you my passivity. The passivity that says I will do what I want, when I want to. The passivity that refuses to be obedient to you and so dampens my faith. Please help me to entrust to you my fears and reservations, not so that these fears will be enshrined by you but so that you will put them in their proper place in the light of your glorious love.
------Amen.

Go to your heavenly Father and tell him you are frightened, and he has ways of taking away these fears. For though they may be ridiculous to some, a child’s dreads are never too frivolous for the sympathy of a loving father, but he meets them as if there were some great reality in them and so sets them aside.

Whatever then your need, your woe, your grief, go to your Father and he will give you comfort. Believe from this night forward that God does pity all those who fear him, and whatever he sees of weakness in their nature and of sorrow in their lot he will help them. So may you find it now and evermore, for Christ’s sake.
Charles Spurgeon

photo by scribeoflight of flickr.com

I believe - Jesus Army Life, Day 551

2007-02-13T10:15:00.000Z

I've been rediscovering belief. It seems to be the logical step on my quest for a deeper conversion. But I don't think I can oversatate how important the exercise of faith must be...

Let's face it, we all have reservations, inner questions, uncertainties, doubts. It's important to be honest about these, and it's useful, as Martyn Joseph says, to "treasure the questions". Personally, I was brought up to question everything, especially things which imposed on my own self autonomy. My Dad still holds that no man (or god) will be his king, and I think that standard has become part of my own personality too.

But I have found Jesus undeniable and unforgettable, his Spirit lives in me, his impact on those close to him is documented historical fact, he gives me hope and makes sense of my world. But still there have been questions... And yet I have experienced the supernatural on a number of occassions... And still my faith has been small... But so was that of the disciples.

While longing for more of the transforming power of God in my life and others', I began to think about what God's power actually meant. I remembered this verse:

I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes
Romans 1

I couldn't ignore the emphais on belief, and then i found this in the KJV:

But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name
John 1

Belief. Belief, belief, belief. Jesus asks me to believe. That's where his power lies - in faith. It's not leaving my brain at the door, the questions remain, but I've got to risk my whole life on this man who is God if I'm ever to know his transforming power. A half cocked faith simply will not do. There's something simply fundamental about belief, without we can't operate. I know that even the simplest child knows this, but it's taken me some while to understand. Faith pleses God. And now having believed beyond reservation I must act...

We must not content ourselves with liberty and consolation and gust in prayer. We must come out from prayer the most rapturous and sweet, only to do harder and ever harder works for God and our neighbours. Otherwise the prayer is not good, and the gusts are not from God.
Saint Teresa of Avila

photo by ange's photos of flickr.com

Understand now?

2007-02-13T09:03:00.001Z

It's often difficult to describe the difficulty of being part of a minority race...

Understand now? Good.

(A Girl Like Me by bfnmusic of youtube.com)

Intuition - Jesus Army Life, Day 548

2007-02-10T10:12:00.000Z

This morning, everyone in the house is spending some much needed personal time seeking God. It's a scheduled opportunity to put everything else aside and receive from him. Instead of calling it a retreat we call it an advance.

During prayer this morning I noted the way I work in hearing from God. Sometimes I deliberately try to listen, but today I simply went with the flow. What I realised was the important part intuition plays when following the path God leads you along.

There is a psalm that says this:

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you.

Do not be like the horse or the mule,
which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you.

Many are the woes of the wicked,
but the LORD's unfailing love
surrounds the man who trusts in him.
Psalm 32

God does not show us how to turn every corner as we follow him, but he does direct us by teaching us how to follow. He gives us his truth and it is left to us to make of it what we will. Our sense of the things God is teaching us is important, it is crucial if we are to find our way forward, for God requires faith, he will not be a helpdesk to our every doubt and concern, he expects us to be faithful and learn.

Intuition then is first reminded of previous instruction/direction from God and then feels its way forward as to what should happen next. God may confirm this in various ways but it will always be in line with the instruction we find through the bible. Hence, when you feel a prompting from God you should pray into it, listen more, reflect, and then turn to God's word to see what it says - allow it to correct you and then pray some more. Find the resolve of God's Spirit rising within you as every part of your spiritual life seems to point in one direction, and follow obediently.

Another small tip for prayer is the use of tongues - if you have this gift, using it in worship for five minutes can you press past the natural distractions towards the throne of God.

Learning lessons - Jesus Army Life

2007-02-10T10:11:00.000Z

I don't know what to write, but I have to write something. Tonight I feel gutted. It's the familiar feeling of being let down, this night from two directions. Perhaps.

Ultimately it doesn't matter. Disappointment is only unmet hope. Hope is crucial, but it is also plentiful. And if any hope is not based in reality it is not really hope at all.

Meanwhile, and presumably it's no coincidence, I find myself returning to the journey of trusting God. I remembered today that God was trying to teach me something about patience. How easily we forget.

I guess patience is the bedrock of hope. Where hope rushes forward into the promise, patience calmly trusts. Each are elements of faith. Without hope each man is lost, but without patience each man is spent.

Living forever - Jesus Army Life

2007-02-09T09:59:00.000Z

This morning I was thinking: actually I'd quite like to live forever, even if it was on this earth, in this body - as long as I could cope with a graceful descent into old age! There you go, perhaps I am easily satisfied. I enjoy the friendships I have and the God who guides my path. But I'm not ignorant of the many injustices in this world, the cruelty of life and man that can sap your zest and drive you to despair, that shadow has passed over me too. It's just that I've found a kind of 'love', and that makes life worth living.

How about you?

photo by underbunny of flickr.com

Easily satisifed - Jesus Army Life, Day 547

2007-02-09T09:45:00.000Z

Perhaps I'm easily satisfied. This morning in prayer I messed around a fair bit, but poured out my heart too and felt content just to know in my 'inner man' that I was connected with Him.

Last night was cool. A few less people round than we've had in previous weeks, some of those missed I'd have dearly loved to have seen. But it was nice, and the snow's been great!

I've been trying to learn to play At The End Of The Day by Brian Thiessen on guitar. It's a beautiful tune and the lyrics are fairly deep too, so it's the song du jour.

Concerns - Jesus Army Life, Day 546

2007-02-08T16:46:00.000Z

I find myself analysing the depths to which I truly understand God's grace. There's so much within my own heart I fear has hardened over these past years. It scares me to think of how much I may have misunderstood of God's kindness. And how robotic I can be in doling out God's love to others. Too harsh, too impatient, sometimes I wonder that I ever found saving faith at all! And so I crave conversion at a truer, deeper level within.

Yesterday morning I prayed quickly (!), once again running short of time. But at the end of the day I'm simply grateful that I am his.

photo by malik m.l. williams | photography of flickr.com

Time with God, Jesus Army Life, Day 544

2007-02-06T09:38:00.000Z

The other evening I was talking to a sister about devotional times - times where you simply want to meet with the God you love.

I thought I'd try to diary my devotional times a little to paint a picture of the different kinds of experience you can have.

For example, this morning I entered into a short prayer time with a sense of frustration because I'd used up so much of my alotted time already but with a fairly positive 'feel' in my spirit towards God. I began to pray with a mixture of concerns and thanks spoken to God. It was fairly muddled and I didn't manage to reach a place of repose within my soul, a place of calm where I could simply receive whatever God might want to say to me or give to me at that moment. Nonetheless I finished the time satisfied that I'd brought my soul into some consciousness of God before the day had begun, and I continued with some bible reading and thoughts on the way to work.

This contrasts with yesterday where I spent a longer time with God, about 30 minutes, again the first 10 minutes were fuzzy bit I settled myself to a point where I could be deliberate about the attention I was paying to God, I adjusted my posture, my words were thoughtful, my attitude worshipful. Nonetheless it was a fairly hard push and, still not feeling I'd really got to the point where I could receive from God but at least more quiet within, I pulled out my bible and began to read and wonder and reflect and reread about the resurrection of Jesus. My thoughts began to travel upwards in adoration and, towards the end of the time, I was beginning to know something of God's Spirit in closeness to mine - not much, but enough to know I was returning to my life-source. Still, I ran out of time, but that moment set me up for the day.

I think I'll end at this point with three things I've learnt from my own times with God:

Approach God with thanksgiving: if prayer is not flowing think of five things you can thank Him for, prayer usually lifts off after this.

It's helpful to have a particular issue that you want to work out with God: invite Him into it, ask for His help, question Him. Doing this helps provide a focus in prayer and makes for a way to deal with more major matters in your or others' lives.

Be quick to turn to God's word. My experience is that scripture quickly helps me climb to a spiritual level and leaves me less self-absorbed.

photo by premasagar of flickr.com

Good feelings - Jesus Army Life, Day 534

2007-01-27T10:04:00.000Z

I feel like partying and hey, perhaps if someone else was in the mood, I'd go down to the student bar and dance to some tunes. Earlier I was in the mood just to go by myself but I've just come back from a kickabout with some lads and I'm a tad worn out. Still, it's nice to still have that party feeling. My esteemed sister just commented that it's time for people to retire to bed, but I feel very much awake.

There's something about living life to the full that appeals to me. I don't want a quiet life. I want a life that's blazing Jesus. I hate it when I feel tired and can barely hold a conversation together because every moment if worth indulging in to the full.

Earlier tonight I told a friend of mine that he had anger. It was, if anything, intended as a compliment (he'd had cramp on the pitch and some of his emotion was showing). I'm not sure how he took it but I'd want to encourage him to be positive about his aggression. Anger is cool if you can control it. We need more people who know how to use their anger in the right situation. We have to be a people who want to push forward, we can't afford to settle into a rut, and sometimes it takes that dynamic atmosphere of anger to break through a situation. It's part of life, like being in the mood for a party, and both feelings can be forces for good.

photo by Simon Pais of flickr.com

Life! - Jesus Army Life, Day 533

2007-01-26T15:26:00.000Z

Two of our sisters, one younger, one a little more mature, are running round the house sticking up bible verses. The purpose is not to put everyone in a state of constant religious paranoia, but to communicate life and inspiration. They're certainly having fun planning exactly where to place each item: one on the fridge, one by the door, one on the computer, one in the loo. The eager conversation betrays the underlying atmosphere in the house – there's life here and it wants to live! It's got to burst out, it has to express itself. There is so much yearning here, youth with a vision for God, that it has to explode into passion for his purpose, just as a flower has to bloom in beauty for the glory of God.

photo by diane leigh of flickr.com

Hot bath - Jesus Army Life, Day 530

2007-01-23T16:26:00.000Z

The helter skelter journey of supporting chaotic young men continues. They're loveable scruffs the lot of them, but it can be a bit hair raising at times. Yesterday, one was in court for vandalism, today, another is in court as a victim of mugging, another tramps the streets in search of a job (all the while I wonder if his ambition not to stack shelves really is serving the Kingdom), another can't drag himself away from the wrong crowd, another worries about whether it really is holy to imagine partaking in violence, everyday.

Yesterday I asked God if He was planning on changing these guys any time soon. I'm not really sure what the answer is - I could do with a bit of changing too! But we persevere in Jesus, pressing on to discover more of his life-transforming power among us....

Chatting to one disciple it occurred to me that learning that Jesus really loves us is a bit like climbing into a very hot bath.... You can tell the bath is hot without having to get into it, just as you can know Jesus loves you without really experiencing it - but at some point you have to get in. And it's a tough task! Your flesh is far too used to the environment outside of Jesus' love to want to have to change. And his love is hot! You dip your toe in, but it's too much, you withdraw from him again. You work up the courage and try again, this time you can sustain the experience of him just a little bit longer, but still it's too much. Eventually in sheer frustration you shove you your foot in and grit your teeth. You resist the heat of his love for as long as you can, and then something happens: you realise it's not so bad after all... It still takes an age for you to get the rest of your naked flesh into the heat of that love, bit by little bit, but eventually you manage to sit down and lie back and

aaaaahhhhhhh it's sooo good.

You never want to leave.

In my experience it takes ages to realise that Jesus really loves you and a lifetime to learn to trust and remain in the experience of that love. I think I'm still only in up to my ankles. But it's Jesus' love that will change these guys - the love that we more mature Christians must learn to splash about as we welcome them into his Church.

photo by atconc of flickr.com

We all want to be superheroes - Jesus Army Life, Day 526

2007-01-19T11:12:00.000Z

"Two things I ask of you, O LORD;
do not refuse me before I die:
Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.
Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
and say, 'Who is the LORD ?'
Or I may become poor and steal,
and so dishonor the name of my God.
(Proverbs 30:7-9)

Life is difficult. If we go for being spiritual superheroes we can crash and burn, we become arrogant and say, "Who is the LORD?" forgetting how much we need him; before long we find we don't match up to the high standard we boasted for ourselves. The alternative is that our lives fall into a pit of mess, we can do nothing to sort ourselves out. I have known people who literally tried to be something and then found themselves with nothing, literally stealing in order to keep going.

A balance needs to be found, and the secret is in the first request. Don't be false! It seems so simple but what we need is to be humble and choose that simplicity of needing Jesus. The words "daily bread" carry a spiritual significance because they also mean 'bread of life': the words Jesus used to describe himself. ("Give us this day our daily bread.") We need to find reality, the only true balance between being nothing and pretending to be something. Or you really might find that your life is destroyed and that you die.

Life has been gutting in the last couple of days. I've seen young men I love fall into ruin because there has been no platform to build their lives on, they chose to lie about who they are rather than cope with reality and it has crushed them.

photo by R80o of flickr.com

Song By Song: Martin Smith talks through each song on 'The Mission Bell'

2007-01-18T12:25:00.000Z

Song By Song: Martin Smith talks through each song on 'The Mission Bell'

Paint The Town Red
"Paint The Town Red" is Velvet Underground meets Delirious? meets Wesley Revival lyrics, "Oh here we come, it's time for the Church to be who we are/We've got this leather-backed book and a freedom cry/We're the army of God who are ready to die." I really love the lyrics. I love them! It's just kind of Jesus Army stuff, you know? Just brash and stuff that probably we wouldn't have written three years ago when we were trying to be all cool and get on Radio 1! But who gives a monkeys? These songs come out and we're proud of them. I think it's two minutes and two seconds. I think it might even be the shortest thing we've ever recorded, so it's great!

Taken from an interview on CrossRhythms with Martin Smith.

We love this song too. I love its raw punk feel, I remember bopping about to it with a friend of mine who was just coming off drugs. We knew what we wanted to live for! Here's the full version:

Paint The Town Red
You know I feel there's something 'bout to break now,
You know I feel there's a city here to take now.
And it's not so tough for these ordinary hands,
When we trust someone with extraordinary plans.

You know I feel this heart's about to break now,
Cos I can see what the devil's trying to take now.
We've got this leather backed book and a freedom cry,
And we're an army of God who are ready to die.

You give us hope where hope is gone,
You fill the streets with a holy song,
We’re gonna paint this big old town red.

Oh, Here we come, here we come
Oh, Here we come, here we come

You know I feel this sky's about to break now.
You know I feel our city's gonna shake now.
And we hear you call every woman and man,
"Ring the mission bell" and storm the gates of hell.

Miracles run from street to street,
Rise up Church for a holy meet,
We’re gonna paint this big old town red
We’re gonna paint this big old town red
With the blood of Jesus!

Written by Delirious? ©2005 Curious? Music UK

Everyday - Jesus Army Life, Day 533

2007-01-16T09:28:00.000Z

Quiet times have become interesting lately. It's a task to get up early but the first real test is where to have one? In my room there really is nowhere comfortable to perch and staying in bed is deadly - before you know it you're snoring your prayers rather than pleading them. Besides there's another brother in my room so it's not exactly 'private'. Now, someone else has taken to getting up early as well and so they're always beating me to the Quiet room, my preferred place of repose. So I'm left with the choice of the dining room or the office. I prefer the dining room as there's some morning light in there.

Once you settle into a space where you can actually focus on God, it's still an effort to still your soul, but it's worth it. Having a morning converssation with God, some early exercise for your spirit, is an incredible boon to the day. It's only the prologue to the the coming hours, where the real spiritual activity tales place, acts of goodness, abiding in Him etc. but I do wonder how anyone manages to maintain a relationship with God without some daily practice.

photo by carf of flickr.com

Infinite blessing - Jesus Army Life, Day 532

2007-01-15T11:38:00.000Z

Life feels like a major paradox between joy on the one hand and frustration on the other; but I'm doing my best to concentrate on the positives.

It struck me that if you are growing in God you should expect life to be a paradox of joy and frustration - as strange as it might seem. I think, given my druthers, I'd prefer a paradox of peace and tribulation! But I'm not going to complain.

Another thought occurred to me this weekend. It happened while hanging upside down on a child's swing in the park. To keep seeing the world from a child's perspective: fresh-eyed with wonder, always drinking in the sweetjuice of life, you need to have fascinatingly new experiences every day. I've no idea how you do that, but I'm interested in any suggestions.

One thing I know: Jesus embraced life, with all its joy and pain. And I'm not going to let anyone or any experience snatch away the beauty which he has given.

"Cherish your vision and your dreams as they are the children of your soul; the blueprints of your ultimate achievements."
Napoleon Hill

photo by vsz of flickr.com

"A little brief authority" - Jesus Army Life, Day 521

2007-01-04T10:45:00.000Z

Our church leader is always reminding us that love does not allow the disciple to remain in his sin. Love chastises teaches scripture, it doesn't mess around, it doesn't treat people as if they don't matter and take their sin lightly. We have to switch from our idea of love to God's. God is completely for us, that is the nature of his love and you can read about it throughout the bible. The famous Psalm 23, The Lord is my shepherd, is a perfect example, but even there it is his "rod" and his "staff" that comfort, in other words the shepherd's discipline brought the sheep security.

We need to be angry about what deserves our anger and stop thinking that Christianity is about being nice to people. That just compromises the grace by which God has poured out his forgiveness. It makes a mockery of what Jesus has done.

Don't we realise that by trying to smooth over our wrongs and other people's small rebellions we become complicit in their activity? I'm not talking about every person here but the actions of fellow Christians, those who profess to be our brethren. We all have a duty for which we will have to answer on Judgement Day: we must not allow righteousness to be tainted and God's name to be blasphemed because of us. Of course, we will sin, it is inevitable until we reach maturity, so then, let us speed on towards maturity and love one another into making right choices.

All sin, no matter how small, disrespects our friends, ourselves and God, not to mention the necessary victim that someone somewhere becomes as a result of our woeful activity. Let us truly turn to love and fight sin. Be strong and not weak. Be always loving with tenderness but firmness and may Christ's Church rise to overcome her enemies.

Photo by itsjustlo of flickr.com

A new start - Jesus Army Life, Day 517

2006-12-31T22:41:00.000Z

Well, we just baptised our first man from Worcester. It was a good baptism although he has a long way to go. I think he'll do well.

Tomorrow he stays at home while the other men trek off to a leader's meeting. Sounds cruel? He'll be getting some leadership training of his own. In our church we hold to the basic teaching that men carry authority in a church household. Now, in reality, authority is won by the respect given to and the conviction of the person who holds it, whether they be male or female, but there is great significance in men learning to lead from the front. So tomorrow, as we leave for the meeting, this young disciple will be charged with leading the prayer time before the day's main meal. A small responsibility perhaps, but when you've never done anything like that before, and when there are several other mature sisters there, with far greater clout (in Christ) than you, it is an awesome and humbling thing to do. And it is a great initiation into the reality that as a man you will always be relied upon to look after and speak out for others - this is why it is so important for shy men to learn to lead from the front in humility.

I am told it is also "a means of grace" from the sisters to the brother - they hand over their right to be self autonomous to the brother and so he learns that he has to be responsible for others. The sisters don't have to do that, but in doing so they are bringing great strength and encouragement to him.

The elders meeting itself should be good tomorrow, it being the start of a new year. There will be opportunity to review our journey with God over the past twelve months and hear His Spirit for the time ahead, an important time of consecration I imagine.

Photo by Phil H of flickr.com

He answers prayer - Jesus Army Life, Day 515

2006-12-29T12:35:00.000Z

Answered prayer:

Being bought a minibus by the Trust after we were told the waiting list was too long and we couldn't receive one till sometime next year.

A very irate young girl returning to apologise after praying with her intended enemy that she would do so.

People just turning up on the doorstep wanting Jesus.

Unanswered prayer:

Making avenues into the student community

Seeing a friend's relative find healing

Eternal effect - Jesus Army Life, Day 514

2006-12-28T16:06:00.000Z

I've just watched Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ for the third time. I once heard a film critic describe the movie as a horror film and in many ways it is, it shows the real defeat of evil and is bloody, gory stuff. But if there is something macabre about the cross then it is at once both horrific and profound. No sentient Christian can watch that film and not remember that Jesus was dying for them. You count each wound, each spurt of blood, as an eternal payment on your behalf.

Jesus is still at work today, but He has triumphed and calls others to follow in His footsteps. Tonight my friend watched the film for the first time and ended up crying over his sin. Two brothers (real brothers) came round for the first time and discovered church where people lay down their lives for one another. And I have seen two of my disciples on their way to finding Jesus again. These things are of great importance to my own heart. Jesus is at work, helping people to find Him. And His work shall continue until He returns.

Photo by Giampaolo Macorig of flickr.com

Love of my life - Jesus Army Life, Day 511

2006-12-25T08:20:00.000Z

Well, here I am sitting in our lounge, listening to the various conversations going on. There is a lot of love around. No one is saying “I love you” exactly but there's just some good conversation. People are tenderly affirming one another, relaxing with each other, one sister is resting her head on another's knee, there's lots of laughter around, the lads are making a curry in the kitchen. It's beautiful really.

We've just recently come back from the Sunday evening meeting, which I led (it seemed to go well). And before that we spent the day at our mother-household which is always a heartening experience, a bit like seeing very close relatives whom you love very much. I guess the general feeling I have at the moment is that this is church growing and blossoming in health and it's good.

Not that there aren't issues at the moment. Once again I'm challenged by the progress of various young men, some are doing very well, some are struggling, which is distressing, and simply, it challenges me. I want to see God move in so many people's lives, and I know he will, but I'm impatient!

Beauty mixed with pain: Life.

photo by Mr Austin Frothingslosh of flickr.com

Wish list - Jesus Army Life, Day 509

2006-12-23T10:06:00.000Z

There are so many gifts you wish you had. I wish I had the gift to reach my friends with my entire heart - the gift of saying the right thing at the right time. I often feel aware of that need because I'm painfully aware that I often get it wrong. I'm usually lost for words and fail to say the right thing; lightening wit is a gift I covet. Another gift I wish I had is the ability to inspire, I so want to share with others the beauty I see, whether it's in God or in them or in life generally. Finally, the gift I would love to have is the ability to make people laugh, I often do, but I'd like the ability to turn it on like a tap, it often evades me.

But then I'm just me, young, gifted, a child of God - I know that is what is important. And I know the strengths I do have, and in some ways I praise God for my weaknesses too.

Photo by Farl of Flickr.com

Time and tide - Jesus Army Life, Day508

2006-12-22T09:00:00.000Z

Days can begin slowly, in the first muttered words of prayer you mull over all the things that will happen in the hours ahead and you know you'll be in need of God's help, at other times you find your mind wandering, captured, barely able to think past your own vain imaginations. No matter what mood possesses you, all that space to think quickly becomes an illusion and you’re working on borrowed time. Thoughts may move at a snail's pace but real time flies by; before you know it, it's time to go to work, time for lunch, and it's time to go home. And then bang! You’re back into the bustle of community life, face to face with all the hopes and cares you tried to give attention to all those hours ago first thing in the morning. Hopes like: the newcomers experiencing the power of God, wayward disciples finding repentance, closing with that brother about some important issue, or simply making sure you've got enough time to relax before you go to sleep. And before you know it, it's another day.

But God remains true. Our heavenly Father is always working and He gives proper attention to what matters. And so the newcomers come and find a place of rest for their hearts, wayward disciples return a little meeker but much more loved, time is spent with that brother investing in things that will last forever, and time to rest…? This is the Kingdom of God we’re talking about! There’s too much work to do, we’ll rest when we reach the everlasting Sabbath.

Photo by Dean Forbes of Flickr.com

Treasure in Heaven - Jesus Army Life, Day 502

2006-12-16T12:13:00.000Z

Several people have been nagging me about posting an update on my blog. I believe the entirety of my experiences can be summed up in one word: wow!

The truth is that while there are many funny and profound experiences I could have written about lately I haven't been able to because I haven't found the time to do them justice (I'm waiting to get some kit to be able to write properly each evening). Life is great though, it has stretched from the mesmerising astonishment of realising that God wants to give us all His righteousness to the comically crazy event of slapping hair wax under my arms (... I was late for work and got a tad confused).

And so much has been happening in terms of growth at White Stone, lots of brothers staying over, new people, new friends, taking the gospel to Worcester, family life etc I do want to write... but I have to find the time.

Most importantly God has been great. His Spirit keeps reminding me a lot about patience so I need to get my head round that, but I've also been rediscovering the beauty of this "treasure hid in jars of clay" lately and I can't but love Him.

Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.
Matthew 13:45-46

Photo by kool skatkat

The darkness within - Jeus Army Life, Day 484

2006-11-28T09:25:00.000Z

Last night I got together with a few brothers for a meal and a time to think about our spiritual lives. It was a valuable, rich evening which I truly appreciated; and it wasn't all thinking-stuff, we had a practical time of practicing prophecy and anointing our host's flat, but an interesting issue did come out of it that I'll relate in a moment.

On the way to work this morning a brother was talking about how shocking it would be if we all spoke out what we were thinking all the time! We concluded that we'd soon learn to control our thoughts, which begs the question - why don't we? The brother commented that the problem was that thoughts exist in our private world where no one else can see them (except the Spirit of God), in other words they exist in the darkness. We don't have to control our thoughts because no one else can see them. It reminded me of the scripture:

The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!
Matthew 6:22

In other words what you focus on effects your how good or bad your conscience is. We can be full of darkness (and how great that darkness) because while on the outside we pretend to be good, inside we are truly rotten and wicked, not really focussing on Jesus or giving ourselves to him.

When I had been with the brothers I'd spoken about Jesus' story of the slave who did nothing with the talent given to him by his master (Matthew 25). The slave was an intimate member of his master's company, if he were a modern Christian he would have gone evangelising when his brothers evangelised, he would have prayed for people to be healed if that was the activity of the day, he might be moved to cast out demons, but when asked to do the specific work of personally investing his energy for the profit of his master he failed because he practiced disobedience in his heart. The slave was punished.

How about us?

Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?' And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.'
Matthew 7:21

It is vitally important that we give ourselves to knowing Jesus with all that we are or he will say that he never knew us. We simply cannot allow the darkness to rule within. Interestingly all that Jesus says before his words on focussing on the darkness is about what we do in secret, and how it must all be given to God. It's too easy for the hypocrite in each of us to do whatever everyone else is doing and think that we are doing good. It's all about what we do when no one else is looking. We've got to get our religion right.

True faith produces a life full of actions, not a head full of facts.
Anon

Photos by carf and bitmapr of flickr.com

Get it right - Jesus Army Life, Day 478

2006-11-22T08:43:00.000Z

This world is tough, but have you not yet noticed? We were not made for this world.

After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will... establish you.
(1 Peter 5:8-11)

The prayer meeting - Jesus Army Life, Day 473

2006-11-17T21:37:00.000Z

I'm going to write this and try not to sound self righteous... and probably fail... here goes: We have a regular prayer meeting which begins at the ungodly hour of 7am in the morning. Up till recently it was attended by all of 2 going on 3 people, this week we moved the meeting from Friday to a slightly more convenient Thursday and now it is attended by 3 going on 4 people. Please note the deliberate tone of sarcasm - there are twelve people who live here.

It's not that I want to begrudge anyone their sleep, I'm an early riser, it's easier for me than others, and sometimes I forget; but getting up one morning a week at ten to seven isn't like being a Cistercian monk and getting up at daybreak, it's just asking you to be a Jesus Army soldier. And I'm cool with those who've decided that this is something they don't want to do, not everybody needs to be there - we're mature adults and we can choose how we manage ourselves. The thing is (sigh) we have made a commitment to prayer meetings, it is part of our covenant together. For good reason we can't afford to be nonchalant about our prayer-life - as a household we have to remain in the will of God.

Please don't accuse me of being intense, this is far from intense. I am simply convinced that God honours our dependence on him.

photo by zeeDOC of flickr.com

Hands held high - Jesus Army Life, Day 470

2006-11-14T10:33:00.000Z

At our house-family breakfast this Sunday one of our newest residents described how she was experiencing life in community: "It's like I'm a toddler walking on my tip-toes and being held by my Dad. I'm scared I'm going to fall any moment. I've got my hands stretched up high to hold on to him as he leads me; it's exciting to be taking steps in God!"

I thought that was an amazing description. It's kinda how I'd like to live the whole of my life.

Serenity - Jesus Army Life, Day 466

2006-11-10T16:21:00.000Z

I'm really trying hard to learn the value of the meaning of this word: serenity. The clearest definition I have of it is: "a disposition free from stress or emotion". I've been trying to focus on that lately. Not so much the emotion but the free from stress part.

There were some prophetic words spoken over me lately about God "broadening my shoulders". Makes sense I suppose but it's a tough one. Still, I know that unless I go through this little trial I won't be able to shoulder greater responsibility in the future. Without embracing the small suffering now I won't be any good to anyone in later life. And I need to be, I desperately need to be. How else can I fulfill, whatever it may be, the work that God has for me to do? And it's what Jesus did for me.

...Worcester tonight.