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Perfect Day - Jesus Army Life, Day 639

Quick note to say that last Saturday was perfect: an outing to a castle and meadows on a beautifully sunny day with many of my closest friends. The pictures were fantastic - I'll have to see if I can get a few posted up here.

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Busy month - Jesus Army Life, Day 628

First White Stone 2 Agape meal. Festival Weekend. Manchester March. Adrian moves in. Goldsmiths Event. Lead Drop In team. Preach at Gospel Event. Regional Leaders meeting. Lead evangelism campaign. Baptism. And relax...?

No, not stressed at all - Jesus Army Life, Day 626

Just finished the first day of our two day evangelism campaign. Oooh I find campaigns stressful, moreso because I'm supposed to be in charge. Still it's been a good day, a few people have made some new contacts and we've moved on a step with some old friends. We've prayed for quite a few and there's been some healing as well. So it's working.

The question that remains is: will I survive tomorrow? Maybe, but very possibly without my sanity intact. Good night.

"Heroes aren't born, they're cornered" - Jesus Army Life, Day 622

Last night I spoke about heroes. I had to admit to dressing up as superman when I was a kid and performing on the Sunday dinner dining room table. But heroes are supposed to do that aren't they? They're supposed to inspire us. They're supposed to save us too, which is why Jesus' name means God our saviour (Yahu=part of God's Hebrew name, shua=saves in Hebrew) or as I prefer it: God to the rescue!

So who's the hero in your life?

To the Potentate of Time

If we had keen vision and feeling for all ordinary human life it would be like hearing the grass grow and the squirrel's heart beat, and we would die of the roar which lies on the other side of silence.
--George Eliot

Double the dynamism - Jesus Army Life, Day 611

I'm getting the sense that having a second household is bringing a new dynamic to White Stone. It brings extra muscle to the whole. We all have to operate as part of a small unit, bringing our own gifts and will to bear on the issue of household growth. And the contrast in character of two different groups within one house means that there is always something happening, always one of the two households finding the Spirit, bringing grip, reaching out, knowing the cross. We will have our different emphasis but together we are White Stone, still taking the land, still doing our all to love Jesus.

Photo by ucumari of flickr.com

Bowled over - Jesus Army Life, Day 609

I must have mentioned before that White Stone was splitting into two households (that's the name we give to each core unit of the church). Well, on Sunday the households were commissioned and several of us ended up on the floor as the Holy Spirit blessed the bunch of us together. It was fairly hillarious - a typical White Stone rumbustuous event, but it was fairly important too: important to be recognised by the whole church, important to be blessed by the Holy Spirit.

The whole festival weekend was filled with Holy Spirit activity as the church gathered together to seek God. One of our family was so blessed with the Spirit that she couldn't stop talking in tongues and picked up again as neared the marquee tent for a meeting the next morning! I was very glad that many of us were filled with the Holy Spirit. May he not only fill us but affect our character as well.

Me, myself? I had a useful time of initially feeling disappointed by God and then finding a way through to meeting with him. He's calling me to be more Spirit led.

God's generous expansive heart - Jesus Army Life, Day 590

those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint
Isaiah 40

In community life can seem very tough at times. It's easy to forget the amazing generosity of God. But in community you don't sign up for an easy life, you pledge yourself to live with other people, for better and worse. If you become tired of all the meetings then you have to question what community is about for you because when we are in community that's what we do, we meet people, all the time.

But I was feeling tired, emotionally worn out. I was getting repeatedly annoyed with God for nothing working out right and desperate for some reprieve; when in bursts my friend and tells me he's had a dream: a dream that remembers God's generosity, that things can be bigger and better, more successful than they already are, because we have a generous God!

It's my hope that news like that doesn't just make my day or week, but makes my life! The tough times will always be there, but that's not the point with God. His heart is more expansive, more roomy than you could ever know... (see Ephesians 3:15-21)

One last thing... God gives every Christian an inspiration of faith and hope when they first meet him. Some aspect of faith so big, so true, that all their vision is expressed in that virtue. For me it was his love, for others it is his power. What was it for you? Return to that principle and live in its reality as much as you can because God gave it to you as a key for you to express his spiritual life as richly as you possibly can!

photo by artandscience of flickr.com

Enter the supernatural - Jesus Army Life, Day 580

Why do people in church seem like cheerful, brainless tourists on a packaged tour of the Absolute? … Does anyone have the foggiest idea what sort of power we blithely invoke? Or, as I suspect, does no one believe a word of it? The churches are children playing on the floor with their chemistry sets, mixing up a batch of TNT to kill a Sunday morning. It is madness to wear ladies’ straw hats and velvet hats to church; we should all be wearing crash helmets. Ushers should issue life preservers and signal flares; they should lash us to our pews. For the sleeping god may wake someday and take offense, or the waking god may draw us to where we can never return.
—Annie Dillard

Indeed, with trembling and fear we press in towards a god who will change us forever. So let us quickly press in.

Choice - Jesus Army Life, Day 574

Community life leaves you with a stark choice: give your all for the greater good or hide away.

'Hiding' can take various forms. You can sink into problems, you can create little indulgences, you can pretend to be spiritual or you can become stubborn having come this far but no further. None of these compare to laying down your life.

Jesus spoke of laying down his life for his friends (John 15). Who are his friends? Those who love him and obey him. Friendship with God is more than just dutiful service, it is complete intimacy and obedience.

To sacrifice everything you are is to break into real friendship, not only, I believe, with Jesus, but with others who truly want to follow him too. We are called to love one another the same way Jesus loved - by laying down our lives - that is the nature of community.

In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.
Hebrews 12:4

We too easily forget that experiencing hardship is all part of becoming God's son.

Great idea: Beginner's Guide to Sainthood

Written by Jack Bernard of the Church of the Sojourners, a community based church in the US

Reservations - Jesus Army Life, Day 558

Dear Jesus,
------Please help me to entrust to you my passivity. The passivity that says I will do what I want, when I want to. The passivity that refuses to be obedient to you and so dampens my faith. Please help me to entrust to you my fears and reservations, not so that these fears will be enshrined by you but so that you will put them in their proper place in the light of your glorious love.
------Amen.

Go to your heavenly Father and tell him you are frightened, and he has ways of taking away these fears. For though they may be ridiculous to some, a child’s dreads are never too frivolous for the sympathy of a loving father, but he meets them as if there were some great reality in them and so sets them aside.

Whatever then your need, your woe, your grief, go to your Father and he will give you comfort. Believe from this night forward that God does pity all those who fear him, and whatever he sees of weakness in their nature and of sorrow in their lot he will help them. So may you find it now and evermore, for Christ’s sake.
Charles Spurgeon

photo by scribeoflight of flickr.com

I believe - Jesus Army Life, Day 551

I've been rediscovering belief. It seems to be the logical step on my quest for a deeper conversion. But I don't think I can oversatate how important the exercise of faith must be...

Let's face it, we all have reservations, inner questions, uncertainties, doubts. It's important to be honest about these, and it's useful, as Martyn Joseph says, to "treasure the questions". Personally, I was brought up to question everything, especially things which imposed on my own self autonomy. My Dad still holds that no man (or god) will be his king, and I think that standard has become part of my own personality too.

But I have found Jesus undeniable and unforgettable, his Spirit lives in me, his impact on those close to him is documented historical fact, he gives me hope and makes sense of my world. But still there have been questions... And yet I have experienced the supernatural on a number of occassions... And still my faith has been small... But so was that of the disciples.

While longing for more of the transforming power of God in my life and others', I began to think about what God's power actually meant. I remembered this verse:

I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes
Romans 1

I couldn't ignore the emphais on belief, and then i found this in the KJV:

But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name
John 1

Belief. Belief, belief, belief. Jesus asks me to believe. That's where his power lies - in faith. It's not leaving my brain at the door, the questions remain, but I've got to risk my whole life on this man who is God if I'm ever to know his transforming power. A half cocked faith simply will not do. There's something simply fundamental about belief, without we can't operate. I know that even the simplest child knows this, but it's taken me some while to understand. Faith pleses God. And now having believed beyond reservation I must act...

We must not content ourselves with liberty and consolation and gust in prayer. We must come out from prayer the most rapturous and sweet, only to do harder and ever harder works for God and our neighbours. Otherwise the prayer is not good, and the gusts are not from God.
Saint Teresa of Avila

photo by ange's photos of flickr.com

Understand now?

It's often difficult to describe the difficulty of being part of a minority race...

Understand now? Good.

(A Girl Like Me by bfnmusic of youtube.com)

Intuition - Jesus Army Life, Day 548

This morning, everyone in the house is spending some much needed personal time seeking God. It's a scheduled opportunity to put everything else aside and receive from him. Instead of calling it a retreat we call it an advance.

During prayer this morning I noted the way I work in hearing from God. Sometimes I deliberately try to listen, but today I simply went with the flow. What I realised was the important part intuition plays when following the path God leads you along.

There is a psalm that says this:

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you.

Do not be like the horse or the mule,
which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you.

Many are the woes of the wicked,
but the LORD's unfailing love
surrounds the man who trusts in him.
Psalm 32

God does not show us how to turn every corner as we follow him, but he does direct us by teaching us how to follow. He gives us his truth and it is left to us to make of it what we will. Our sense of the things God is teaching us is important, it is crucial if we are to find our way forward, for God requires faith, he will not be a helpdesk to our every doubt and concern, he expects us to be faithful and learn.

Intuition then is first reminded of previous instruction/direction from God and then feels its way forward as to what should happen next. God may confirm this in various ways but it will always be in line with the instruction we find through the bible. Hence, when you feel a prompting from God you should pray into it, listen more, reflect, and then turn to God's word to see what it says - allow it to correct you and then pray some more. Find the resolve of God's Spirit rising within you as every part of your spiritual life seems to point in one direction, and follow obediently.

Another small tip for prayer is the use of tongues - if you have this gift, using it in worship for five minutes can you press past the natural distractions towards the throne of God.

Learning lessons - Jesus Army Life

I don't know what to write, but I have to write something. Tonight I feel gutted. It's the familiar feeling of being let down, this night from two directions. Perhaps.

Ultimately it doesn't matter. Disappointment is only unmet hope. Hope is crucial, but it is also plentiful. And if any hope is not based in reality it is not really hope at all.

Meanwhile, and presumably it's no coincidence, I find myself returning to the journey of trusting God. I remembered today that God was trying to teach me something about patience. How easily we forget.

I guess patience is the bedrock of hope. Where hope rushes forward into the promise, patience calmly trusts. Each are elements of faith. Without hope each man is lost, but without patience each man is spent.

Living forever - Jesus Army Life

This morning I was thinking: actually I'd quite like to live forever, even if it was on this earth, in this body - as long as I could cope with a graceful descent into old age! There you go, perhaps I am easily satisfied. I enjoy the friendships I have and the God who guides my path. But I'm not ignorant of the many injustices in this world, the cruelty of life and man that can sap your zest and drive you to despair, that shadow has passed over me too. It's just that I've found a kind of 'love', and that makes life worth living.

How about you?

photo by underbunny of flickr.com

Easily satisifed - Jesus Army Life, Day 547

Perhaps I'm easily satisfied. This morning in prayer I messed around a fair bit, but poured out my heart too and felt content just to know in my 'inner man' that I was connected with Him.

Last night was cool. A few less people round than we've had in previous weeks, some of those missed I'd have dearly loved to have seen. But it was nice, and the snow's been great!

I've been trying to learn to play At The End Of The Day by Brian Thiessen on guitar. It's a beautiful tune and the lyrics are fairly deep too, so it's the song du jour.

Concerns - Jesus Army Life, Day 546

I find myself analysing the depths to which I truly understand God's grace. There's so much within my own heart I fear has hardened over these past years. It scares me to think of how much I may have misunderstood of God's kindness. And how robotic I can be in doling out God's love to others. Too harsh, too impatient, sometimes I wonder that I ever found saving faith at all! And so I crave conversion at a truer, deeper level within.

Yesterday morning I prayed quickly (!), once again running short of time. But at the end of the day I'm simply grateful that I am his.

photo by malik m.l. williams | photography of flickr.com

Time with God, Jesus Army Life, Day 544

The other evening I was talking to a sister about devotional times - times where you simply want to meet with the God you love.

I thought I'd try to diary my devotional times a little to paint a picture of the different kinds of experience you can have.

For example, this morning I entered into a short prayer time with a sense of frustration because I'd used up so much of my alotted time already but with a fairly positive 'feel' in my spirit towards God. I began to pray with a mixture of concerns and thanks spoken to God. It was fairly muddled and I didn't manage to reach a place of repose within my soul, a place of calm where I could simply receive whatever God might want to say to me or give to me at that moment. Nonetheless I finished the time satisfied that I'd brought my soul into some consciousness of God before the day had begun, and I continued with some bible reading and thoughts on the way to work.

This contrasts with yesterday where I spent a longer time with God, about 30 minutes, again the first 10 minutes were fuzzy bit I settled myself to a point where I could be deliberate about the attention I was paying to God, I adjusted my posture, my words were thoughtful, my attitude worshipful. Nonetheless it was a fairly hard push and, still not feeling I'd really got to the point where I could receive from God but at least more quiet within, I pulled out my bible and began to read and wonder and reflect and reread about the resurrection of Jesus. My thoughts began to travel upwards in adoration and, towards the end of the time, I was beginning to know something of God's Spirit in closeness to mine - not much, but enough to know I was returning to my life-source. Still, I ran out of time, but that moment set me up for the day.

I think I'll end at this point with three things I've learnt from my own times with God:

• Approach God with thanksgiving: if prayer is not flowing think of five things you can thank Him for, prayer usually lifts off after this.


• It's helpful to have a particular issue that you want to work out with God: invite Him into it, ask for His help, question Him. Doing this helps provide a focus in prayer and makes for a way to deal with more major matters in your or others' lives.


• Be quick to turn to God's word. My experience is that scripture quickly helps me climb to a spiritual level and leaves me less self-absorbed.

photo by premasagar of flickr.com

Good feelings - Jesus Army Life, Day 534

I feel like partying and hey, perhaps if someone else was in the mood, I'd go down to the student bar and dance to some tunes. Earlier I was in the mood just to go by myself but I've just come back from a kickabout with some lads and I'm a tad worn out. Still, it's nice to still have that party feeling. My esteemed sister just commented that it's time for people to retire to bed, but I feel very much awake.

There's something about living life to the full that appeals to me. I don't want a quiet life. I want a life that's blazing Jesus. I hate it when I feel tired and can barely hold a conversation together because every moment if worth indulging in to the full.

Earlier tonight I told a friend of mine that he had anger. It was, if anything, intended as a compliment (he'd had cramp on the pitch and some of his emotion was showing). I'm not sure how he took it but I'd want to encourage him to be positive about his aggression. Anger is cool if you can control it. We need more people who know how to use their anger in the right situation. We have to be a people who want to push forward, we can't afford to settle into a rut, and sometimes it takes that dynamic atmosphere of anger to break through a situation. It's part of life, like being in the mood for a party, and both feelings can be forces for good.

photo by Simon Pais of flickr.com

Life! - Jesus Army Life, Day 533

Two of our sisters, one younger, one a little more mature, are running round the house sticking up bible verses. The purpose is not to put everyone in a state of constant religious paranoia, but to communicate life and inspiration. They're certainly having fun planning exactly where to place each item: one on the fridge, one by the door, one on the computer, one in the loo. The eager conversation betrays the underlying atmosphere in the house – there's life here and it wants to live! It's got to burst out, it has to express itself. There is so much yearning here, youth with a vision for God, that it has to explode into passion for his purpose, just as a flower has to bloom in beauty for the glory of God.

photo by diane leigh of flickr.com

Hot bath - Jesus Army Life, Day 530

The helter skelter journey of supporting chaotic young men continues. They're loveable scruffs the lot of them, but it can be a bit hair raising at times. Yesterday, one was in court for vandalism, today, another is in court as a victim of mugging, another tramps the streets in search of a job (all the while I wonder if his ambition not to stack shelves really is serving the Kingdom), another can't drag himself away from the wrong crowd, another worries about whether it really is holy to imagine partaking in violence, everyday.

Yesterday I asked God if He was planning on changing these guys any time soon. I'm not really sure what the answer is - I could do with a bit of changing too! But we persevere in Jesus, pressing on to discover more of his life-transforming power among us....

Chatting to one disciple it occurred to me that learning that Jesus really loves us is a bit like climbing into a very hot bath.... You can tell the bath is hot without having to get into it, just as you can know Jesus loves you without really experiencing it - but at some point you have to get in. And it's a tough task! Your flesh is far too used to the environment outside of Jesus' love to want to have to change. And his love is hot! You dip your toe in, but it's too much, you withdraw from him again. You work up the courage and try again, this time you can sustain the experience of him just a little bit longer, but still it's too much. Eventually in sheer frustration you shove you your foot in and grit your teeth. You resist the heat of his love for as long as you can, and then something happens: you realise it's not so bad after all... It still takes an age for you to get the rest of your naked flesh into the heat of that love, bit by little bit, but eventually you manage to sit down and lie back and

aaaaahhhhhhh it's sooo good.

You never want to leave.

In my experience it takes ages to realise that Jesus really loves you and a lifetime to learn to trust and remain in the experience of that love. I think I'm still only in up to my ankles. But it's Jesus' love that will change these guys - the love that we more mature Christians must learn to splash about as we welcome them into his Church.

photo by atconc of flickr.com

We all want to be superheroes - Jesus Army Life, Day 526

"Two things I ask of you, O LORD;
do not refuse me before I die:
Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.
Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
and say, 'Who is the LORD ?'
Or I may become poor and steal,
and so dishonor the name of my God.
(Proverbs 30:7-9)

Life is difficult. If we go for being spiritual superheroes we can crash and burn, we become arrogant and say, "Who is the LORD?" forgetting how much we need him; before long we find we don't match up to the high standard we boasted for ourselves. The alternative is that our lives fall into a pit of mess, we can do nothing to sort ourselves out. I have known people who literally tried to be something and then found themselves with nothing, literally stealing in order to keep going.

A balance needs to be found, and the secret is in the first request. Don't be false! It seems so simple but what we need is to be humble and choose that simplicity of needing Jesus. The words "daily bread" carry a spiritual significance because they also mean 'bread of life': the words Jesus used to describe himself. ("Give us this day our daily bread.") We need to find reality, the only true balance between being nothing and pretending to be something. Or you really might find that your life is destroyed and that you die.

Life has been gutting in the last couple of days. I've seen young men I love fall into ruin because there has been no platform to build their lives on, they chose to lie about who they are rather than cope with reality and it has crushed them.

photo by R80o of flickr.com

Song By Song: Martin Smith talks through each song on 'The Mission Bell'

Song By Song: Martin Smith talks through each song on 'The Mission Bell'

Paint The Town Red

"Paint The Town Red" is Velvet Underground meets Delirious? meets Wesley Revival lyrics, "Oh here we come, it's time for the Church to be who we are/We've got this leather-backed book and a freedom cry/We're the army of God who are ready to die." I really love the lyrics. I love them! It's just kind of Jesus Army stuff, you know? Just brash and stuff that probably we wouldn't have written three years ago when we were trying to be all cool and get on Radio 1! But who gives a monkeys? These songs come out and we're proud of them. I think it's two minutes and two seconds. I think it might even be the shortest thing we've ever recorded, so it's great!

Taken from an interview on CrossRhythms with Martin Smith.

We love this song too. I love its raw punk feel, I remember bopping about to it with a friend of mine who was just coming off drugs. We knew what we wanted to live for! Here's the full version:

Paint The Town Red
You know I feel there's something 'bout to break now,
You know I feel there's a city here to take now.
And it's not so tough for these ordinary hands,
When we trust someone with extraordinary plans.

You know I feel this heart's about to break now,
Cos I can see what the devil's trying to take now.
We've got this leather backed book and a freedom cry,
And we're an army of God who are ready to die.

You give us hope where hope is gone,
You fill the streets with a holy song,
We’re gonna paint this big old town red.

Oh, Here we come, here we come
Oh, Here we come, here we come

You know I feel this sky's about to break now.
You know I feel our city's gonna shake now.
And we hear you call every woman and man,
"Ring the mission bell" and storm the gates of hell.

Miracles run from street to street,
Rise up Church for a holy meet,
We’re gonna paint this big old town red
We’re gonna paint this big old town red
With the blood of Jesus!

Written by Delirious? ©2005 Curious? Music UK

Everyday - Jesus Army Life, Day 533

Quiet times have become interesting lately. It's a task to get up early but the first real test is where to have one? In my room there really is nowhere comfortable to perch and staying in bed is deadly - before you know it you're snoring your prayers rather than pleading them. Besides there's another brother in my room so it's not exactly 'private'. Now, someone else has taken to getting up early as well and so they're always beating me to the Quiet room, my preferred place of repose. So I'm left with the choice of the dining room or the office. I prefer the dining room as there's some morning light in there.

Once you settle into a space where you can actually focus on God, it's still an effort to still your soul, but it's worth it. Having a morning converssation with God, some early exercise for your spirit, is an incredible boon to the day. It's only the prologue to the the coming hours, where the real spiritual activity tales place, acts of goodness, abiding in Him etc. but I do wonder how anyone manages to maintain a relationship with God without some daily practice.

photo by carf of flickr.com

Infinite blessing - Jesus Army Life, Day 532

Life feels like a major paradox between joy on the one hand and frustration on the other; but I'm doing my best to concentrate on the positives.

It struck me that if you are growing in God you should expect life to be a paradox of joy and frustration - as strange as it might seem. I think, given my druthers, I'd prefer a paradox of peace and tribulation! But I'm not going to complain.

Another thought occurred to me this weekend. It happened while hanging upside down on a child's swing in the park. To keep seeing the world from a child's perspective: fresh-eyed with wonder, always drinking in the sweetjuice of life, you need to have fascinatingly new experiences every day. I've no idea how you do that, but I'm interested in any suggestions.

One thing I know: Jesus embraced life, with all its joy and pain. And I'm not going to let anyone or any experience snatch away the beauty which he has given.

"Cherish your vision and your dreams as they are the children of your soul; the blueprints of your ultimate achievements."

Napoleon Hill

photo by vsz of flickr.com

"A little brief authority" - Jesus Army Life, Day 521

Our church leader is always reminding us that love does not allow the disciple to remain in his sin. Love chastises teaches scripture, it doesn't mess around, it doesn't treat people as if they don't matter and take their sin lightly. We have to switch from our idea of love to God's. God is completely for us, that is the nature of his love and you can read about it throughout the bible. The famous Psalm 23, The Lord is my shepherd, is a perfect example, but even there it is his "rod" and his "staff" that comfort, in other words the shepherd's discipline brought the sheep security.

We need to be angry about what deserves our anger and stop thinking that Christianity is about being nice to people. That just compromises the grace by which God has poured out his forgiveness. It makes a mockery of what Jesus has done.

Don't we realise that by trying to smooth over our wrongs and other people's small rebellions we become complicit in their activity? I'm not talking about every person here but the actions of fellow Christians, those who profess to be our brethren. We all have a duty for which we will have to answer on Judgement Day: we must not allow righteousness to be tainted and God's name to be blasphemed because of us. Of course, we will sin, it is inevitable until we reach maturity, so then, let us speed on towards maturity and love one another into making right choices.

All sin, no matter how small, disrespects our friends, ourselves and God, not to mention the necessary victim that someone somewhere becomes as a result of our woeful activity. Let us truly turn to love and fight sin. Be strong and not weak. Be always loving with tenderness but firmness and may Christ's Church rise to overcome her enemies.

Photo by itsjustlo of flickr.com

A new start - Jesus Army Life, Day 517

Well, we just baptised our first man from Worcester. It was a good baptism although he has a long way to go. I think he'll do well.

Tomorrow he stays at home while the other men trek off to a leader's meeting. Sounds cruel? He'll be getting some leadership training of his own. In our church we hold to the basic teaching that men carry authority in a church household. Now, in reality, authority is won by the respect given to and the conviction of the person who holds it, whether they be male or female, but there is great significance in men learning to lead from the front. So tomorrow, as we leave for the meeting, this young disciple will be charged with leading the prayer time before the day's main meal. A small responsibility perhaps, but when you've never done anything like that before, and when there are several other mature sisters there, with far greater clout (in Christ) than you, it is an awesome and humbling thing to do. And it is a great initiation into the reality that as a man you will always be relied upon to look after and speak out for others - this is why it is so important for shy men to learn to lead from the front in humility.

I am told it is also "a means of grace" from the sisters to the brother - they hand over their right to be self autonomous to the brother and so he learns that he has to be responsible for others. The sisters don't have to do that, but in doing so they are bringing great strength and encouragement to him.

The elders meeting itself should be good tomorrow, it being the start of a new year. There will be opportunity to review our journey with God over the past twelve months and hear His Spirit for the time ahead, an important time of consecration I imagine.

Photo by Phil H of flickr.com

He answers prayer - Jesus Army Life, Day 515

Answered prayer:

• Being bought a minibus by the Trust after we were told the waiting list was too long and we couldn't receive one till sometime next year.


• A very irate young girl returning to apologise after praying with her intended enemy that she would do so.


• People just turning up on the doorstep wanting Jesus.

Unanswered prayer:

• Making avenues into the student community


• Seeing a friend's relative find healing

Eternal effect - Jesus Army Life, Day 514

I've just watched Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ for the third time. I once heard a film critic describe the movie as a horror film and in many ways it is, it shows the real defeat of evil and is bloody, gory stuff. But if there is something macabre about the cross then it is at once both horrific and profound. No sentient Christian can watch that film and not remember that Jesus was dying for them. You count each wound, each spurt of blood, as an eternal payment on your behalf.

Jesus is still at work today, but He has triumphed and calls others to follow in His footsteps. Tonight my friend watched the film for the first time and ended up crying over his sin. Two brothers (real brothers) came round for the first time and discovered church where people lay down their lives for one another. And I have seen two of my disciples on their way to finding Jesus again. These things are of great importance to my own heart. Jesus is at work, helping people to find Him. And His work shall continue until He returns.

Photo by Giampaolo Macorig of flickr.com

Love of my life - Jesus Army Life, Day 511

Well, here I am sitting in our lounge, listening to the various conversations going on. There is a lot of love around. No one is saying “I love you” exactly but there's just some good conversation. People are tenderly affirming one another, relaxing with each other, one sister is resting her head on another's knee, there's lots of laughter around, the lads are making a curry in the kitchen. It's beautiful really.

We've just recently come back from the Sunday evening meeting, which I led (it seemed to go well). And before that we spent the day at our mother-household which is always a heartening experience, a bit like seeing very close relatives whom you love very much. I guess the general feeling I have at the moment is that this is church growing and blossoming in health and it's good.

Not that there aren't issues at the moment. Once again I'm challenged by the progress of various young men, some are doing very well, some are struggling, which is distressing, and simply, it challenges me. I want to see God move in so many people's lives, and I know he will, but I'm impatient!

Beauty mixed with pain: Life.

photo by Mr Austin Frothingslosh of flickr.com

Wish list - Jesus Army Life, Day 509

There are so many gifts you wish you had. I wish I had the gift to reach my friends with my entire heart - the gift of saying the right thing at the right time. I often feel aware of that need because I'm painfully aware that I often get it wrong. I'm usually lost for words and fail to say the right thing; lightening wit is a gift I covet. Another gift I wish I had is the ability to inspire, I so want to share with others the beauty I see, whether it's in God or in them or in life generally. Finally, the gift I would love to have is the ability to make people laugh, I often do, but I'd like the ability to turn it on like a tap, it often evades me.

But then I'm just me, young, gifted, a child of God - I know that is what is important. And I know the strengths I do have, and in some ways I praise God for my weaknesses too.

Photo by Farl of Flickr.com

Time and tide - Jesus Army Life, Day508

Days can begin slowly, in the first muttered words of prayer you mull over all the things that will happen in the hours ahead and you know you'll be in need of God's help, at other times you find your mind wandering, captured, barely able to think past your own vain imaginations. No matter what mood possesses you, all that space to think quickly becomes an illusion and you’re working on borrowed time. Thoughts may move at a snail's pace but real time flies by; before you know it, it's time to go to work, time for lunch, and it's time to go home. And then bang! You’re back into the bustle of community life, face to face with all the hopes and cares you tried to give attention to all those hours ago first thing in the morning. Hopes like: the newcomers experiencing the power of God, wayward disciples finding repentance, closing with that brother about some important issue, or simply making sure you've got enough time to relax before you go to sleep. And before you know it, it's another day.

But God remains true. Our heavenly Father is always working and He gives proper attention to what matters. And so the newcomers come and find a place of rest for their hearts, wayward disciples return a little meeker but much more loved, time is spent with that brother investing in things that will last forever, and time to rest…? This is the Kingdom of God we’re talking about! There’s too much work to do, we’ll rest when we reach the everlasting Sabbath.

Photo by Dean Forbes of Flickr.com

Treasure in Heaven - Jesus Army Life, Day 502

Several people have been nagging me about posting an update on my blog. I believe the entirety of my experiences can be summed up in one word: wow!

The truth is that while there are many funny and profound experiences I could have written about lately I haven't been able to because I haven't found the time to do them justice (I'm waiting to get some kit to be able to write properly each evening). Life is great though, it has stretched from the mesmerising astonishment of realising that God wants to give us all His righteousness to the comically crazy event of slapping hair wax under my arms (... I was late for work and got a tad confused).

And so much has been happening in terms of growth at White Stone, lots of brothers staying over, new people, new friends, taking the gospel to Worcester, family life etc I do want to write... but I have to find the time.

Most importantly God has been great. His Spirit keeps reminding me a lot about patience so I need to get my head round that, but I've also been rediscovering the beauty of this "treasure hid in jars of clay" lately and I can't but love Him.

Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.
Matthew 13:45-46

Photo by kool skatkat

The darkness within - Jeus Army Life, Day 484

Last night I got together with a few brothers for a meal and a time to think about our spiritual lives. It was a valuable, rich evening which I truly appreciated; and it wasn't all thinking-stuff, we had a practical time of practicing prophecy and anointing our host's flat, but an interesting issue did come out of it that I'll relate in a moment.

On the way to work this morning a brother was talking about how shocking it would be if we all spoke out what we were thinking all the time! We concluded that we'd soon learn to control our thoughts, which begs the question - why don't we? The brother commented that the problem was that thoughts exist in our private world where no one else can see them (except the Spirit of God), in other words they exist in the darkness. We don't have to control our thoughts because no one else can see them. It reminded me of the scripture:

The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!
Matthew 6:22

In other words what you focus on effects your how good or bad your conscience is. We can be full of darkness (and how great that darkness) because while on the outside we pretend to be good, inside we are truly rotten and wicked, not really focussing on Jesus or giving ourselves to him.

When I had been with the brothers I'd spoken about Jesus' story of the slave who did nothing with the talent given to him by his master (Matthew 25). The slave was an intimate member of his master's company, if he were a modern Christian he would have gone evangelising when his brothers evangelised, he would have prayed for people to be healed if that was the activity of the day, he might be moved to cast out demons, but when asked to do the specific work of personally investing his energy for the profit of his master he failed because he practiced disobedience in his heart. The slave was punished.

How about us?

Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?' And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.'
Matthew 7:21

It is vitally important that we give ourselves to knowing Jesus with all that we are or he will say that he never knew us. We simply cannot allow the darkness to rule within. Interestingly all that Jesus says before his words on focussing on the darkness is about what we do in secret, and how it must all be given to God. It's too easy for the hypocrite in each of us to do whatever everyone else is doing and think that we are doing good. It's all about what we do when no one else is looking. We've got to get our religion right.

True faith produces a life full of actions, not a head full of facts.
Anon

Photos by carf and bitmapr of flickr.com

Get it right - Jesus Army Life, Day 478

This world is tough, but have you not yet noticed? We were not made for this world.

After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will... establish you.
(1 Peter 5:8-11)

The prayer meeting - Jesus Army Life, Day 473

I'm going to write this and try not to sound self righteous... and probably fail... here goes: We have a regular prayer meeting which begins at the ungodly hour of 7am in the morning. Up till recently it was attended by all of 2 going on 3 people, this week we moved the meeting from Friday to a slightly more convenient Thursday and now it is attended by 3 going on 4 people. Please note the deliberate tone of sarcasm - there are twelve people who live here.

It's not that I want to begrudge anyone their sleep, I'm an early riser, it's easier for me than others, and sometimes I forget; but getting up one morning a week at ten to seven isn't like being a Cistercian monk and getting up at daybreak, it's just asking you to be a Jesus Army soldier. And I'm cool with those who've decided that this is something they don't want to do, not everybody needs to be there - we're mature adults and we can choose how we manage ourselves. The thing is (sigh) we have made a commitment to prayer meetings, it is part of our covenant together. For good reason we can't afford to be nonchalant about our prayer-life - as a household we have to remain in the will of God.

Please don't accuse me of being intense, this is far from intense. I am simply convinced that God honours our dependence on him.

photo by zeeDOC of flickr.com

Hands held high - Jesus Army Life, Day 470

At our house-family breakfast this Sunday one of our newest residents described how she was experiencing life in community: "It's like I'm a toddler walking on my tip-toes and being held by my Dad. I'm scared I'm going to fall any moment. I've got my hands stretched up high to hold on to him as he leads me; it's exciting to be taking steps in God!"

I thought that was an amazing description. It's kinda how I'd like to live the whole of my life.

Serenity - Jesus Army Life, Day 466

I'm really trying hard to learn the value of the meaning of this word: serenity. The clearest definition I have of it is: "a disposition free from stress or emotion". I've been trying to focus on that lately. Not so much the emotion but the free from stress part.

There were some prophetic words spoken over me lately about God "broadening my shoulders". Makes sense I suppose but it's a tough one. Still, I know that unless I go through this little trial I won't be able to shoulder greater responsibility in the future. Without embracing the small suffering now I won't be any good to anyone in later life. And I need to be, I desperately need to be. How else can I fulfill, whatever it may be, the work that God has for me to do? And it's what Jesus did for me.

...Worcester tonight.

Couldn't have said it better - Jesus Army Life, Day 457

I found this poem the other day, it's gorgeously wonderful:

God and I?
That’s simple.
We are like two big people in a very tiny boat
who are continually,
unexpectedly bumping into each other
and giggling.

I could not have said it better. It describes so much of how I experience my relationship with God. I would love to meet the Sufi poet who wrote it. I feel we would have a lot to share. I'd like to ask if he or she knows what it is like to wake up and feel in love too because sometimes, not always, but sometimes Jesus makes me feel that way; it is a feeling that is irreplaceable.