The darkness within - Jeus Army Life, Day 484

Last night I got together with a few brothers for a meal and a time to think about our spiritual lives. It was a valuable, rich evening which I truly appreciated; and it wasn't all thinking-stuff, we had a practical time of practicing prophecy and anointing our host's flat, but an interesting issue did come out of it that I'll relate in a moment.

On the way to work this morning a brother was talking about how shocking it would be if we all spoke out what we were thinking all the time! We concluded that we'd soon learn to control our thoughts, which begs the question - why don't we? The brother commented that the problem was that thoughts exist in our private world where no one else can see them (except the Spirit of God), in other words they exist in the darkness. We don't have to control our thoughts because no one else can see them. It reminded me of the scripture:

The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!
Matthew 6:22

In other words what you focus on effects your how good or bad your conscience is. We can be full of darkness (and how great that darkness) because while on the outside we pretend to be good, inside we are truly rotten and wicked, not really focussing on Jesus or giving ourselves to him.

When I had been with the brothers I'd spoken about Jesus' story of the slave who did nothing with the talent given to him by his master (Matthew 25). The slave was an intimate member of his master's company, if he were a modern Christian he would have gone evangelising when his brothers evangelised, he would have prayed for people to be healed if that was the activity of the day, he might be moved to cast out demons, but when asked to do the specific work of personally investing his energy for the profit of his master he failed because he practiced disobedience in his heart. The slave was punished.

How about us?

Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?' And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.'
Matthew 7:21

It is vitally important that we give ourselves to knowing Jesus with all that we are or he will say that he never knew us. We simply cannot allow the darkness to rule within. Interestingly all that Jesus says before his words on focussing on the darkness is about what we do in secret, and how it must all be given to God. It's too easy for the hypocrite in each of us to do whatever everyone else is doing and think that we are doing good. It's all about what we do when no one else is looking. We've got to get our religion right.

True faith produces a life full of actions, not a head full of facts.
Anon

Photos by carf and bitmapr of flickr.com

Get it right - Jesus Army Life, Day 478

This world is tough, but have you not yet noticed? We were not made for this world.

After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will... establish you.
(1 Peter 5:8-11)

The prayer meeting - Jesus Army Life, Day 473

I'm going to write this and try not to sound self righteous... and probably fail... here goes: We have a regular prayer meeting which begins at the ungodly hour of 7am in the morning. Up till recently it was attended by all of 2 going on 3 people, this week we moved the meeting from Friday to a slightly more convenient Thursday and now it is attended by 3 going on 4 people. Please note the deliberate tone of sarcasm - there are twelve people who live here.

It's not that I want to begrudge anyone their sleep, I'm an early riser, it's easier for me than others, and sometimes I forget; but getting up one morning a week at ten to seven isn't like being a Cistercian monk and getting up at daybreak, it's just asking you to be a Jesus Army soldier. And I'm cool with those who've decided that this is something they don't want to do, not everybody needs to be there - we're mature adults and we can choose how we manage ourselves. The thing is (sigh) we have made a commitment to prayer meetings, it is part of our covenant together. For good reason we can't afford to be nonchalant about our prayer-life - as a household we have to remain in the will of God.

Please don't accuse me of being intense, this is far from intense. I am simply convinced that God honours our dependence on him.

photo by zeeDOC of flickr.com

Hands held high - Jesus Army Life, Day 470

At our house-family breakfast this Sunday one of our newest residents described how she was experiencing life in community: "It's like I'm a toddler walking on my tip-toes and being held by my Dad. I'm scared I'm going to fall any moment. I've got my hands stretched up high to hold on to him as he leads me; it's exciting to be taking steps in God!"

I thought that was an amazing description. It's kinda how I'd like to live the whole of my life.

Serenity - Jesus Army Life, Day 466

I'm really trying hard to learn the value of the meaning of this word: serenity. The clearest definition I have of it is: "a disposition free from stress or emotion". I've been trying to focus on that lately. Not so much the emotion but the free from stress part.

There were some prophetic words spoken over me lately about God "broadening my shoulders". Makes sense I suppose but it's a tough one. Still, I know that unless I go through this little trial I won't be able to shoulder greater responsibility in the future. Without embracing the small suffering now I won't be any good to anyone in later life. And I need to be, I desperately need to be. How else can I fulfill, whatever it may be, the work that God has for me to do? And it's what Jesus did for me.

...Worcester tonight.

Couldn't have said it better - Jesus Army Life, Day 457

I found this poem the other day, it's gorgeously wonderful:

God and I?
That’s simple.
We are like two big people in a very tiny boat
who are continually,
unexpectedly bumping into each other
and giggling.

I could not have said it better. It describes so much of how I experience my relationship with God. I would love to meet the Sufi poet who wrote it. I feel we would have a lot to share. I'd like to ask if he or she knows what it is like to wake up and feel in love too because sometimes, not always, but sometimes Jesus makes me feel that way; it is a feeling that is irreplaceable.

Exercism - Jesus Army Life, Day 456

Okay - I'm going to go public with this one. Having had certain comments about a recent request for a skipping rope I thought I'd explain how tricky it is to do some exercise in community.

Now I know this is going to sound like a moan but did you know moaning uses at least 15 calories an hour so there you go... It's been suggested I do some running which I already do, mostly on weekends - the trouble is that I have to leave for work at about 7.30 in the morning, given that I also want to use some of my morning time to pray as well, if I'm going to exercise and shower I'm finding I have to get up close to 6am. I've tried, I just get tired at the other end of the day.

Doing half an hour of any exercise is difficult because, actually you have to change your clothes, stretch and get a shower afterwards too. You're talking about at least 45 minutes out of your day - and in community terms that's quite a lot.

On the basis that I'm supposed to do 30 minutes exercise a day and that I have a non-active desk job, plus coming up to two hours' car journey for work each day, I'm failing miserably. (For those of you who don't know community evenings are full of meetings so there's virtually no time there.) And then there's the fact that you have to find some room to do it, preferably out of other people's way and certainly away from the embarassment zone of the sisters. We're talking almost mission impossible.

Skipping seems like a useful option because you don't need much space and it's high impact - I can fit it into a busy schedule, don't really need to get changed to do it, but now, following brief mention of the skipping rope the ridicule of the church community is now falling upon me and I'm not sure I'm going to be able do anything to cope with the onslaught except reach for another slice of community cake!

Interval - Jesus Army Life, Day 454

Been busy.

Gospel happenings. Good stuff.

Sleepy day today.

Worcester for Jesus! Jesus Army Life, Day 447

We had a great time in Worcester. We met several people who want to stay in touch and made a lot more friends so we'll be popping back probably some time next week. It was great to be able to share about Jesus with people in a way that didn't seem like we were advertising cold buildings and hard pews.

On Friday night we parked up near the cathedral and were marauded by a load of teenagers. We prayed for a lot of them and some of them expressed a real serious interest in wanting to know God.

Today we marched through town singing and cheering and making a general exhibition of ourselves - people responded well, I think it cut through the consumer frenzy and helped people know that some people are living for something more than the world has to offer.

Worcester for Jesus!

Enough for a fool - Jesus Army Life, Day 445

These next few days we're going to be back in Worcester, looking to meet people who are hungry for the Kingdom of Heaven. We've met a couple already and hopefully we'll be catching up with them.

For me it all feels a bit daring, I'm not sure why - it's not as if I've never led a campaign before, I suppose that's just the subversive nature of the Kingdom (denying the world, lifting the humbled etc.) ... but whatever I'm feeling there are people who really could do with knowing that there's a God who cares, who hates the way people are treated and who has acted to rescue us all from any misery. That's important enough to look a fool for.

Vital men - Jesus Army Life, Day 441

Last night at 'Men Alive for God' one of the apostolic men gave a brilliant heartfelt speech about the many men in his household. He spoke of how he wanted them to be free to express their daring and wildness, he refused to be intimidated by their new initiative or youthful character but instead wanted to encourage them into more. He said he wanted the kind of men with him whom he could rely on in times of trouble.

This morning I went for a short run with one of our young men. I'm determined to see him enter the Kingdom fully, I want to make allowances for any short-falls on his part and be loving enough to meet him in them. I want to encourage his enthusiasm. He's got an uphill struggle to fight but I want to marching up with him.

Deeper joy - Jesus Army Life, Day440

One of the beauties of community are those incidental chats you have with people where you connect with them just a little bit more.

So yesterday I was chatting over morning coffee to a woman who's trying out community for a month, and we got round to discussing the biblical commandment: "Always be joyful" (1 Thessalonians 5:16). Often this woman has said that she doesn't like theological stuff but in a few moments we were exploring the depths of what such an attitude required.

We agreed it's a beautiful verse revealing the profound realness of Christian faith; we're well aware that life has its sad times and its happy times and yet the requirement to always be joyful shows that the Christian's life is based on a deeper groundwork of faith than mere emotion.

And all that at 7.15 in the morning.

Untouched - Jesus Army Life, Day 439

It's 5:30am. I've been up for an hour already. There's been lots going on, both in the house and in my soul... I guess I've found things a bit tough lately.

In Agape there was a question asked about family - how close you felt to the household - that kind of stuff. Everyone else seemed to find it easy but it was tough for me. I love this household, they are family to me, but I guess I'm not as close as I'd like to be. Something God's got to work on.

I'm very close to my real family and I love all these guys here. But within me something feels unknown. It's like there's a bridge that hasn't been crossed and on the other side is a paradise in my heart. Few have ever crossed there, but until you get there I just feel maybe you don't know me like I know me - if that makes any sense.

I really do love the people here - they are very special to me. It's just there's something untouched.

How to do Jesus culture - Jesus Army Life, Day 432

I'm reading a book on the behaviour of the English (Dad, no anti-imperialism comments please). It's called 'Watching the English - the hidden rules of English behaviour' and it's by Kate Fox, an anthropologist.

Aside from the seeming irony of the English now being under the scrutiny of their own anthropologists (I always thought their gaze was intended for mud huts and the noble savage - hm, my turn to shut up) this book does offer a delightful opportunity for me to laugh at myself and others as I see reflected in its pages the quirks and oddities of those around me, my own habits included. I haven't yet turned a page without laughing out loud at the peculiar idiosyncracies revealed in the book.

For example, we all know that the English love talking about the weather (this apparently has nothing to do with the weather but is about inviting conversation instead) but did you know that the English are the only nation in the world to form a queue - even if there is no one waiting! In other countries it seems the person waiting for a bus will go sit and read somewhere and turn up when the bus arrives but in our country we will begin standing in an orderly line of all of one person in the sure certainty that this is the proper way to behave in such a situation.

I find this interesting because in my church (a very very English church) we talk not of having an English culture but a 'Jesus culture'. Now, before you laugh out loud, this does make theological sense: we are told in scripture that we are a 'new creation' and that we are not of the 'first Adam' but the 'last Adam', Jesus says 'do not be like them' and it says elsewhere 'come out from them and be seperate'. And so we believe the Church should have a different culture to the world, a culture influenced by the powerful love and grace of Jesus, instead of the cheating corruption and hypocrisy of the world.

Yet while principles such as brotherly love and spiritual authority may well dictate how we are supposed to act as a church they still never completely iron out the peculiar wrinkles of character that makes one people group different from another. Cultural differences are not to be ignored, hence Paul writes that Cretans are lazy and promotes healthy competition between the Corinthians and Macedonians.

In our church some of the things we do are curious and some are still very English. Two examples I would pick are welcoming people and greeting people. I don't know where this tradition began but we have a very strange way of all clapping to welcome someone when they are introduced to the congregation for the first time. It seems like the decent thing to do and I can't suggest many alternatives (it's embarrassing enough to be introduced!) but it also seems silly to be applauding someone you've never even seen before and probably will never ever applaud again.

Hugging is also quite funny because it's very 'Jesus culture' but not very English. It's lovely to have someone express their affection for you (even if again, you don't know them very well) but it's comical to seem some of the embarrassed positions men get into when they receive a hug from some burly character they'd normally run away from.

As I go on (I'll try not to leave it so long next time) I'll try to write down some other observations about Jesus culture - oooh there's lots that could be said...

The fullness of life - Jesus Army Life, Day 421

The last few days have been hectic but I'd be lying if I said I haven't enjoyed them too. The stresses have far been outweighed by the successes, which, looking back now, helps you realise that it's all worth it.

A major concern has been some friends who have found themselves with no place to stay. We've been able to help them out with a bed for a few nights and there's movement towards a solution for each of them. But sleeping arrangements at White Stone haven't been easy. We've had an influx of people stopping over at weekends (two sisters moved beds three times in two nights in order to host everyone!) so I've been told I've got to put on my domestic deacon hat and regulate sleep-overs. It's a good thing though because it means we've also got a few new people living in community: they're all sisters at the moment, one moving in permanently, one doing a Training Year, and one trying us out, but there are some brothers hoping to live here as well which means there's a battle over the spare room to become a brother's room or a sister's room!

The fullness of bed spaces is somewhat indicative of the fullness of life. I've been up the M6 twice this past week, once to support a church meeting in Stockport and once for an overnight trip to Liverpool (just because I've never been there before). The evening meetings in community have been excellent lately: rather than seeming like programmed events, they've just felt like it's the natural thing to do because we love Jesus and we want to be together.

There have been lots of late night chats sitting round and enjoying each other's company and lots of varied activity too. The last Agape is a good example, it was particularly pokey with questions about how we talk to each other (for good and for bad). The brother leading it has really grown in his ministry of pokiness. But other events have carried their fun: from "I had a dream" speeches to get people doing the washing up, to playing man-hunt in the dark. I've been personally convicted over some teaching we've had about self righteousness and seperate teaching about friendships and I've been trying to put both into practice (yes, I'm really learning the art of self righteousness now.)

And if you're wiped out by just reading the above, imagine how I feel living it! But it's all good. You see, I've just celebrated my 7th year in community - with my sanity still intact... only just.

Sowing from your heart - Jesus Army Life, Day 409

We religious leaders need to look very much more deeply. We can so easily have talks with people, and they can say we have helped, write us grateful letters, even stand steady for a time till the juice we have put into them runs out; but, we may have brought them no hunger for God because that hunger is no ache in our own heart nor brought them anywhere near to the end of self.
Florence Allshorn (1887-1950)

Last night I had a wonderful time with the young men I nurture. We ate pizza and chatted about the church and their lives and I gave them a bit of direction from the bible. As usual I probably talked too much but I really enjoyed the time and I think they did too. The over-riding sense was that we're in it together and we have to look out for one another.

With reference to the quote above I do feel quite convicted because I so want to pass on to these guys the love of God of he has placed in me - that reliance on God which means ultimately you derive your faith from no one else but Him.

Stimulating conversation - Jesus Army Life, Day 408

Last night I had a wonderful chat with two friends whom I don't often get to talk to much. It made me realise how, with all the comings and goings, I truly miss the joys of satisfying stimulating conversation.

This is no one's fault in particular, there are many characters in my social circle capable of holding witty or inspirational dialogue, and they do. But I suppose the trouble is that we are focused on a cause. And so all that we talk about is the cause: its challenges and mysteries, its successes and failures; and, when you see the same people all the time (and when you have a chance to talk) that cause is the only on going conversation. Familiarity breeds contempt? I don't think so. I imagine its the same in various business offices up and down the country: you either talk about the work you do or something shallow like the latest scandal.

And such dominance of our chatter is not problematic per se. It reflects the focus of our heart. But it is so nice to be able to turn your mind to something else or even (remembering that we did talk about God a fair bit) to simply approach the subject from a different perspective.

For the rest of our lives - Jesus Army Life, Day 406

Wow, it's 6.30 in the morning and I've already been awake for about 20 minutes. I don't mind, there's something beautiful about waking up early and gathering in those first thoughts of the day. If you actually bother, the mind seems so much more lucid when the day is young.

I'm just waiting for the kettle to boil so that I can make some coffee and then I'll go and pray, but using this moment this helps me think about what I want to pray for so I don't feel I'm wasting time.

It's looking like it's going to be a lovely day. In a short while I hope to go for a run and then come back, do some household chores, travel over to Birmingham for the wedding, return to welcome early birds for tonight's gathering and then lead the proceedings for our weekly house-church meeting. There are many things I could pray for but most importantly of all it's that people today will advance into the blessing of God's kingdom. It's what Jesus came to bring, it's what he taught, it's all that we have to live and fight for, so I'm going to give my attention to that.

I do so want to be a man of real and deep prayer. I don't really think I've got a lot else going for me when it comes to increasing the life of the church, so I want to learn to truly pray. Seeing the words I've just written before me makes the reality of that aim very stark. Prayer, walking and talking things through with God, is a real challenge and there can be no room for boasting about this. I'm a total beginner trying to learn the ropes. But, what I really want to gain, and this I will boast about, is the heart of God. At least with his passion, a sense of his will and his perspective, I have a modicum of a chance of bringing the power of change to people's lives - the possibility of opening a doorway for others into his kingdom.

I think I could have expressed this clearer but I've said everything that I wanted to say so it's okay... The stag-do by the way was wonderful, with a barbecue in a wooded glade, many friends, worship around the fire, bringing prophetic words with symbolic gifts to the groom and praying for his future, it seemed pretty perfect. And now for the blessing of his wedding.

And now for the rest of our lives. Carpe Dium.

Stag night - Jesus Army Life, Day 405

Life is stressful when loved-ones find their life is in a mess - I should be used to it by now.

The de-stress plan tonight is a Zion stag-do which will involve prophecy, fun and laughter for the groom. It's ironic that the closest non-church goers often get to 'brotherhood' is probably a stag-do where the women aren't allowed and the men enjoy being men. A shame I guess, in church that kind of lifestyle is happening all the time but er... no strippers!

(...unless they're the paint kind).

Heart of worship - Jesus Army Life, Day 404

Last night in our cell group we decided to spend time in worship. Seven of us ventured down to the prayer shed, we explored some scriptures and then began to worship.

Now, worship is never an easy thing in my experience. Of course, loving God is childsplay, it's the simplest thing to sing out your heart, even the birds can do that. But mankind is a complex creature and, because worship requires two participants, if God doesn't show up you're a bit stuck. The reality is, of course, that God will always show up, (he's omnipresent!) but will we always recognise him? We're not always in a place to receive him. And sometimes, if we're honest, we basically can't be bothered.

And that was the experience of some last night.

True worship, like prayer, requires an exploring of our own hearts, it means facing up to God - and that is not always easy to do. Jesus said that the kind of worshippers the Father seeks will worship him "in Spirit and in truth" remember. I don't think you can really worship if there hasn't been some spiritual rebirth in you, and you certainly can't if you're not willing to be honest with God. It's fundamental.

Truth be told it's one of the reasons I don't get on too well with charismatic worship, give me a soul searching, bitingly honest dirge over a lively 'Jesus is my girlfriend' song any day of the week. I need the grip of reality to express myself. I can't worship if I'm not being honest about where I'm at. I'd far rather worship with tears than with lies.

You can call me a moody old sod if you like (and you'd be wrong - I have a PhD in moodiness and am well able to blast my own self-pity out of the water when necessary...) in fact, I love a good energetic soul-satisfying knees up; the child in me always longs to dance. But nothing puts me in a stupour as much as falseness.

And I think, in one way or another, that it's the same for all people. True, we come to God by degrees, the closer we get to him the more horrified we become at the cruelty of our own hearts. Yet, whatever stage we're at worship comes down to a basic "I want you God" and an honesty to follow through the implications wherever they may lead.

May we raise men, humble enough and passionately honest enough, to lift the roof off when we cry out to God. And as they break through, may God say "Son, your sins are forgiven."