Dancing in worship - Jesus Army Life

The best thing about this weekend? Enjoying the fellowship of a committed Muslim as we danced together before the Lord at our gospel event.

Loneliness - Jesus Army Life

Loneliness is an interesting feature of humanity. It is said you can be lonely in a crowd and I believe it's true.

Loneliness is not only an experience caused by the absence of friends, it's something that happens on the inside too; it can cling to your heart like the shawl of a corpse once poisoned by neglect. The body still inhales and exhales, the lips smile, but it's a veil, the soul inside is lonely.

I'm told some people simply don't do 'lonely', I can't say what it's like for them, but I know some do (I do), and for some it feels so inescapable it is like a mantrap snapped tight around their life.

Even living in community you can feel alone sometimes, though there are good friends there to help. It's not about self pity but there are times when we can all be vulnerable to this particular state of the soul.

So how about you - do you do lonely?

Can you understand what I mean? (Is anyone out there...)

Father's love - Jesus Army Life

I'm in awe of the Father's love. In all his commandments, like a true father, none of them are just to make us obedient unwilling servants, but they are for our good. As with a father guiding his son, they are for learning the right way to live. The real blessing of the relationship is our learning to receive what He has to give - to be as open as possible - and He wants to give so much!

"Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!"
Luke 10

Jesus Army life - Affirmation

Looking after one another has to be one of the main activities of community life. If we're not okay then we can't help other people. But the busyness of community can lead us to retreat into our shells rather than give as we should.

It's a vicious circle: you think no one has noticed the difficulty you're experiencing, so you start to look after yourself, and paying attention to yourself means you're less likely to notice other people's needs and they in turn can feel uncared for.

The reality couldn't be further from the truth. In community we're desperately interested in how others are doing, we're in it together, we want to share our lives. But it doesn't take too much to make people feel like they've gone unnoticed.

Sometimes we have to slow down and remember who we are together. It doesn't take too much for the love to begin flowing again: a quick caring word, a laugh together, a helping hand - just that little bit of attention and affirmation. We have a maxim in our house: If you want to be feel happy, make others happy, if you want to be loved, love others. It works.

photo by beDub of flickr.com

Learning to love God - Jesus Army Life

How do you learn to love God? Or if you love God already how do you grow to love him more?

I'm not sure, but I guess it's about letting God fill your life in every way, giving him every part and hiding nothing from him, and, practically, choosing to be obedient - denying yourself so he can then fill you even more.

For me I know I tend to approach God by trying to understand things rather then opening my heart to him but I'm slowly learning the heart has some advantages over the head.

Any suggestions kindly received.

Photo by canonsnapper of flickr.com

Choosing - Jesus Army Life

Making life decisions isn't easy, but you can't really hide away from them - they knock around your subconscious until you face them.

(And it's difficult asking God when you can't trust your own heart.)

So what do you do? I guess you can always change your mind - but the prospect of doing so can seem almost as scary as making the decision in the first place. Call me a coward.

I don't think I'm normally like this. Perhaps I've been burnt too many times before. You can lose hope after a while - it can seem safer not to bother trying at all - but that's not really going to help anyone.

And the positives? Prospects of change, greater service to God, times of blessing and joy. What's the risk?

It's the fear of the great unknown - but when you've climbed onto the diving board, you can't really choose not to jump, no matter how stupid you look when you enter the water.

Photo by Brave Heart on Flickr.com

Thanks for everything - Jesus Army Life

We've been learning a lot about joy lately. Not because we've been experiencing it but because we need to! And the lessons have been curious too - not about how to experience joy, but when to... "Always be joyful" commands Paul while sitting in a dungeon!

But we did get a good lesson in how to be joyful the other night. Following the bible teaching someone suggested we thank God for all the trials we're going through. So we did: 'thanks God that life feels so tough', 'thanks God that my wife is always ill', 'thanks that my friend is suffering', 'thanks that I'm always such a sinner', 'thanks that my friend has stopped believing in you'...

It sounded so strange - but because it did, we started laughing and a surprising joy spread through the whole group. It was great because all the things we'd struggled with were now being handed over to God, we were remembering who and what was really important through all the challenges of life. It was very releasing, perhaps most of all because it meant we were beginning to focus on what was good rather than all the bad. And you know what? Even the demons, all the bad spirits, were confused as well because the trials they throw our way were being used to give thanks back to God!

Sounds crazy? It will do till you try it.

Conflict - Jesus Army Life

Conflict is interesting stuff. I'm not talking about the all out war, shouting in your face kind of conflict. I'm talking about the slightly tense, vibey atmosphere, not seeing eye to eye kind of conflict. How does love deal with that? It's not easy to return love when you are the focus of the antagonism.

I guess you keep a clear head, choose to love and do your best to work out the problem.

I don't mind conflict. Creative tension can be, well, creative. I don't always cope with it well but it doesn't particularly scare me. The trouble is that you don't always see it coming do you? If you know it's coming you can meet it head on but when it catches you unawares it can be an entirely different matter.

("Did he just say that to me? No, surely he didn't mean it that way. Perhaps he did? What's he getting at? Have I upset him? I'm still calm, why isn't he?") By the time I've been through this thought process I'm often well and truly on the defensive and so much on the back foot that I feel like I've just done a few rounds with a professional boxer. It usually takes a bit of courage to throw myself back into the ring.

Now I freely admit I've got my blind spots but you get the point...

I'm not referring to any situation in particular. We all fall out with people now and again - I guess I just find it interesting that often the only way to resolve an issue is by getting riled up first. Isn't there a more easy going relaxed way to do this stuff? Can't colleagues/friends trust each other?... Why not?

Some people seem to spend their life dealing with situations by getting angry about them, others can't seem to even trust someone until they've fallen out with them first. I admire people who adequately express their anger, there are justifiable situations where it's necessary to do so, I'm just not sure how much unnecessary upset is really about the spirit of peace.

I mean has anyone really meditated on what Jesus meant by being peacemakers? The glib answers don't help - I can imagine many scenarios where establishing peace actually does require a bit of vehemence first (what else is justice about if not caring enough to get annoyed about it?) but often there just seems to be so much selfishness involved...

photo by YanivG of flickr.com

Becoming 'like God' - Jesus Army Life

Learning to change takes time. It takes determination and a willingness to continue despite many failures. It is not an overnight thing, it will not happen in a day, but it is possible. With accountability, with goals and discipline, with self denial where it counts, with a mind to fight, with perception and repeated analysis of your own attitude it is possible to take hold of the victory you need.

So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.

You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

...Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater — has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.

Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find but what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said:

"Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you."
Ephesians 4-5

Paul insists that we must change. His command comes with the authority of Christ. Once we have given ourselves to what is wrong we are in danger of losing all sensitivity to the issue. No longer is there any barrier, or any defence to that wrong, all that is left is the passion or lust that drove us in that direction in the first place, and if we don't turn back we are lost. "Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control." (Proverbs 25:28)

So we must stop whatever it is that corrupts us. Stopping can take time, but it must be definite, there must be a continual willingness to die to our old ways. But we will never be made new until we are obedient. That is the work of God in us. Pray to get your sensitivity back, God will renew you. But stopping comes first, that's where the hard work comes, the exposing to the light, the learning to understand what God sees as right; it takes a lot of work, but you have no choice you cannot stay stuck in sin. And then, ah yes, we can enter into a newness of life, we can begin to be "like God".

though judged in the flesh like men, they might live in the spirit like God
(1 Peter 4:6)

Photo by zachstern of flickr.com

Two weeks later - Jesus Army Life

Well, we're still in touch with some people from the evangelism day: four by my count. Not a great deal you may think, but in terms of getting out there and meeting people and then them actually staying in touch with you it's not bad. I'm not saying we're looking at potential conversions here but they are real relationships and that counts for something.

Just a great day - Jesus Army Life

We had an evangelism campaign on Friday which went very well. We're in touch with plenty of people and hope to see some of them soon. There were quite a few new people at our gospel meeting last night in fact.

We just feel very blessed.

Learning - Jesus Army Life

Things I'm learning about brotherhood (noun referring to the active fellowship of Christian men or women)...

• We all need it - no real brotherhood, no real Christianity


• It is the deliberate practice of love - we make time to get to know one another more deeply


• Peers are instrumental in setting an example - you can't excuse yourself because you're not in the same age group


• It requires you not to be selfish - to work it needs to be prioritised above other individual activities


• It is attractive - everyone seeks companionship


• It is healing - friends mirror back to you your faults and help you mature beyond them


• It builds the church - loving brotherhood draws a crowd
  

They devoted themselves to the... fellowship (NIV)
Acts 2:42
They were like family to each other (CEV)
They committed themselves to the... the life together (Message)

photo by i is Ashby of flickr.com

Quiet lately - Jesus Army Life

Our 'open house' meals have been quiet lately. Last night I found myself agreeing in prayer with a friend that they would become busy again. It is needed. While there's been a need for breathing space with so much recent activity we also need to carry on with the work of growing the church and that means bread and butter evangelism, inviting people to our meals again. 'God gives the growth.'

Photo by Monster. of flickr.com

Labour pains - Jesus Army Life

I guess I should tell you about the 'prophetic word' we had recently. It was about difficult childbirths and the wounds a mother receives. Since White Stone began we have had many people who've had abortive conversions or struggled to grow in their faith - it's caused us a huge amount of pain over the last few years. And the word is bringing us to face it. Personally I find it so hard that sometimes I really feel like I can't breathe.

Life generally has been amazingly good recently, a blessing from God; but this particular experiecne is part of God shaping us - pruning us to be fruitful. No one ever said it wouldn't hurt.

Photo by ayvakata of flickr.com

500 RAW - Jesus Army Life

It's been an amazing few days. The first UK youth event for Christians organised totally by young Christians (we think) has just taken place - and it's been beautiful. 500 people under the age of 35 pressing their commitment to Jesus even deeper than it was before. 500 Christians worshipping freely, reaching into simplicity and purity and sacrifice and commitment and brotherhood. 500 young men and women learning the lifestyle of the Kingdom of Heaven.

We called it RAW - Real and Wild discipleship, it took place in Northampton and it's produced momentum among our generation. Where before you could find cynicism, listlessness, compromise and misunderstanding now we're seeing a 2nd generation Jesus movement rising up to show what following Jesus is really about - so there was fasting, there were healings, there was help for the poor, there were signs and wonders, there was sharing homes, there was the challenge to live single all our days, the word spread and over three days the numbers increased. We delved into our past and dreamed of a future where nothing counts but a people honed by the love of Jesus showing Jesus to an uncertain world.

For me it was an experience of growing as I helped lead a platoon of saints around the streets of Leicester talking to people about Jesus. And it was a time of learning that God is willing to work through the humble and bring them into His service.

And I can hardly wait for RAW 2008.

photos by Kathryn Callard

Learning power - Jesus Army Life

It's been a long time, but I can't help feeling we've come through a bit of a season as a household. Now we're entering into a time of fruitful faith. There will still be need for endurance but we've learnt so much about holding on through the hard times they won't seem so harsh anymore. And the fruit will come, we'll see more people turn to Jesus.

And I'm glad, personally however these last few months have been an opportunity to question the extent of my own spiritual clout. A friend of mine committed suicide a month ago and it's left me angry and disappointed, especially since he sometimes confided in me. I would have hoped that something of God in me might, maybe, have been enough to persuade him that there's a life worth living for. He is a Christian. But it's challenged me.

Will I ever know the power of God enough to bring change to others' lives? I want to, I need to.

Photo by cayusa from flickr.com

Still running - Jesus Army Life

It's been ages, I know. What's been lacking? Inspiration? Not really. Vision? Maybe. Energy? Definitely.

This could be a neat way to introduce the theme of perseverance in community, but really, it's more simple than that. I've been worn out. (And to those who love me, 'No, I don't want a holiday.') It's not burn out - at least I hope not, I'd always hoped burn out would be more glamourous than this. It's simply a matter of not being able to juggle too many plates competently and so I had to drop some.

Does this new entry indicate a resurgence in energy? You bet! Though (ouch) I'm still having to take it a little easy (groan).

So I find myself increasing not reducing my vision, refining the love I want to offer into something more solid, and being more definite about my sacrifice, but yes, there are times when I hide more too, times when I have to stop myself reacting too quickly.

It's like I've run the gauntlet and I'm still running, and I don't want to stop. There's still only one thing that counts in this life, one person, and he spent all his life entirely and resumed it all again in greater glory simply for me. So I'm running increasingly more until I can jump through that vortex of death into life unknown with him.

Photo by nnic of flickr.com

Bible bashers can't jump - Jesus Army Life

Bible and basketball last night. 4 heathens, 3 Christians. Short chat about how we saw God, shoot a few hoops and invites to tonight's BBQ. Sometimes it seems so simple.

Sadnesses of the Spirit - Jesus Army Life, Day 652

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:12

It's been a time of powerful 'anointings' from the Holy Spirit lately - there's been lots of laughter and joy, there have been times of unmissable sadness too. For me it's been a time of travail, I haven't cried so much for a long time. But God knows what he is doing. I look forward to the tree of life that God has promised.

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Perfect Day - Jesus Army Life, Day 639

Quick note to say that last Saturday was perfect: an outing to a castle and meadows on a beautifully sunny day with many of my closest friends. The pictures were fantastic - I'll have to see if I can get a few posted up here.