Touching heaven - Jesus Army Life

We prayed for one of our sisters tonight. It was her birthday yesterday and we were celebrating. Sometimes the presence of God doesn't have to be big fireworks or a fearsome atmosphere, sometimes it can be a quiet tangible moment like it was then. We spoke words of warmth and encouragement; you could feel that something was happening deep inside, and that was it, the moment passed. But God was there, meeting our friend in her need, meeting all of us in our love.

detail of fine art photo by Adrienne Eberhardt, from bk2000's collection on flickr.com

Jesus Army Life - When words are few

More waffle than a dutch pancake.

That was the phrase I learnt tonight, I thought it was so wonderful I had to note it down. And I wonder if it describes my current consternation.

I guess there are times when you realise that everything depends on faith. Project nos 1,2,3 & 4 won't succeed without faith. Relationships 1,2,3,4,5 definitely need faith if they are going to find God's blessing.

But when it comes to prayer, I try to pour out my heart and find myself talking in circles. The reality is I'm so nervous about the issue, so focused on it working out that I'm often thinking more than I'm praying. The words come but they don't mean much - more waffle than a dutch pancake you might say.

Sometimes I write prayers down because it's the only way I can think/pray straight. But what I'm (re)learning is that to know this God and truly believe him are two separate things. It's good to be able to come to him but to trust him for every work seems to be another bigger step. Yet, isn't that what knowing God is really all about? That's why he's so mysterious, he doesn't want to make it easy, he wants us to learn.

We've got a few people staying this weekend. I know they've been blessed by the experience. In a sense they are benefiting from the enrichment of faith already invested by others. Indeed, so much that we do builds on the faith of the ones who have struggled before us and yet, in contrast, we so easily fear the fight ahead. It is said that 'we stand on the shoulders of giants' and I believe it. Faith, it seems to me, is the tapestry of the future we are already weaving, a reality that we build into. It is the great reward of a God who is able to provide so much for us in the first place.

So why bother waffling?

photo by malik ml williams of flickr.com

Jesus Army Life - Love affair

Do you ever sit back and just drink life in? I don't mean take time to appreciate it, I mean to suck all of its wonder and dynamism into yourself, to know that there is something greater, more powerful, of deeper richness, than you out there and that the very air throbs with its being?

I say 'out there' which is technically incorrect because I feel I am and believe you are a very part of it and yet the source, the power station of this life, is beyond us - unknowable but interactive, inexhaustible and yet intimately close; closer than our brother scripture teaches, closer than my breath I once heard someone declare.

Do you ever stop to listen to his pulse, his harmony? Do you ever just stop to know him, and feel like you are curiously peaking behind the scenes and only to discover animated life in greater intensity, sparkling, infectious, glorious in its effervescence. It feels like breathing in something
new and yet you are simply drawing in the magnificence of God, coming close to the veil, stepping into the thin place.

And all that I feel is joy. And there are times when I've done this, just paused to acknowledge God as deeply as possible from the itch in my toe to the babbling of my thoughts, from the breeze of air to the noises of motion, and simply found myself laughing in humility, embarrassment and delight.

None of this begins to describe the sensation of God's Spirit within or around me, that is something entirely different. It is simply my soul grooving on a celestial vibe - somehow knowing the irrepressible, almighty creator because I choose to let everything sing his glory and he has insisted that his glory be known.

And I don't think that this even come close to describing a small part of what it is to know him. It is barely a facet of the love affair with the divine.

photo by eggman of flickr.com

Jesus Army Life - The unmistakable '?'

I want to express something. I'm probably going to get it all wrong, but there is this person I'm totally excited about. I'm excited because this person is in the habit of staying completely mysterious and yet showing up in my life in the most memorable ways. And I want to search them out, I want to track him down and I want my heart to be his heart. I want to know his will and let his future be my possibility. I'm astounded by his ability to recreate new magic in people's lives, to bring good out of bad, the impossible out of the mundane, faith out of cynicism. He's invaded history countless times and he's so close to my own heart. It's not like I even know him and yet he is present in my soul, and I'm excited by the chase, my life is a spirit-blown adventure. And more and more, his supernatural goodness breaks in to my cold hard reality - bringing an impact to the lives of those I know, whether they believe him or not. He is the unmistakable question mark in everyone's' lives and I want him to be the defining mark in mine.

Jesus Army Life - At the monastery

I popped in on a nun in a monastery the other day, as you do. She was part of the Carmelite order. A couple of friends and I were passing by so we thought we'd just knock on the door. The friars were away, probably off climbing trees somewhere, so she took us into their lounge and we sat down for a chat.

I'm not sure I'll ever forget the event; it was not so much incredible as simply affirming. Here was this little aged lady happily talking about life and her passion for the church to three young men she'd never met before.

The experience seemed to put so much into perspective. She told us about the history of the order (legend has it they existed before the birth of the Christian church as a group of hermits seeking God, but were converted at Pentecost, but they are more well known for St Theresa for Avila). She recounted her own walk with God, having become a nun at 25 and now, 56 years later, not regretting it one bit. She received our questions with tenderness, godly reverence and not a little excitement. There was so much more I could have asked of this woman who'd spent her whole life in prayer, I wanted to learn as much as possible from her.

Perhaps the most encouraging part was to realise that the values which we champion as the Jesus Army, principles which seem to cast us as radicals among other mainstream churches (shared-community, the choice of celibacy and a lifelong covenant commitment) were the same fundamentals reflected in the nun's commitment to poverty, chastity and obedience. These things which we struggle to explain as a 40 years young church were practices enshrined by centuries of tradition in their monastic order. And it didn't stop there: further features like church run businesses, maintaining a healthy distance between the society of men and women, having some live in community and some in their own place, the leadership of men and the ministry of women -- these were characteristics found in their organisation too. Even our characteristic busyness was reflected as this 81 year old woman suddenly realised she was late and with a firm handshake, bid us goodbye and rushed off to vespers.

Right now I', glad to be back at White Stone house. It's Sunday afternoon, we've had six families here for dinner and the many children have been playing in the garden. As friends we have chatted and laughed together -- it's been a blissful afternoon. But I'm left with fond thoughts of the sister we met. I'm recommending to all my friends that if you want to do something extraordinary before the year out, if you've found yourself feeling flat and wondering what life is about, go and spend an hour or even a few days with a nun or monk at a monastery -- you'll find it a life changing experience.

Jesus Army Life - Birthdays

It was my birthday this week. Not that I'm looking for blessings from well wishers, but birthdays in a shared-community are shall we say... interesting.

It's a great opportunity to appreciate the person concerned (in this case me - hooray!) We all gather together and the honorary individual is given a huge cake plus a home-made card signed by everyone. The great thing about this is that the card also includes thoughts, appreciations, encouraging words and perhaps even exhortations. There's usually just one main gift, though many contribute a few smaller ones, usually treats in the form of food. As the cake is brought in a very embarrassing song is sung (it's always the same 'we love you' song, it's awful!) There's a lot of whooping and clapping and finally some prayer with prophecy for the year ahead.

This year (and I'm kind of saying this here so I can remember), the words for me were about a pearl (beauty from suffering) a sugar cube dissolving (individual self denial sweetening the whole) and a city of lights (vision for Worcester coming into fruition).

The important thing is that the individual is honoured, and I know I always come out of these situations feeling loved and favoured.

I can think of some pretty special birthdays we've celebrated lately, like the time we shipped off to the coast for a midnight swim and beach breakfast, or another time where we marked a 21st birthday with the brothers cooking sausages over a bonfire, just singing and seeking God together.

I guess birthdays for us aren't supposed to be self-indulgent so it's useful to cut against the 'my important day' approach and the go-out-and-get-wasted tradition. Hopefully it's used as a time to value the individual as a family and encourage them in the life they have chosen. For me, I try to use it as a time to review how I'm doing spiritually, a time to give the life I've been given back to the One who made me in the first place.

Jesus Army Life - The best medicine

There's a lot of laughter tonight. I'm not sure if it's to cover the sadness of an old friend leaving to study or whether it's just new friends drawing close together.

When Paul listed the spiritual gifts I think he should have included laughter. Those who love to laugh or who make others laugh are certainly gifts in themselves. I have friends for whom it would seem there is no cure for their malaise except laughter. But then I can also think of others for whom the medicine is love, and for others faith. Is laughter therefore hope?

That's the kind of spiritual conclusion which would satisfy me tonight

Photo by shindz of flickr.com.

Jesus Army Life - Being broken

Community-life is a certifiably amazing experience. We've just had one person say farewell, when another decides to stay. It brings a lot of life to the house when new people who are with you are discovering the magic of sharing their complete life with others they only slightly know.

But what happens when you've been round the block several times already? And what about when you're actually worn out from doing too much and no longer feel that magic about the place? How amazing can it be then?

I reckon that everyone who lives in a community-house will go through a time of brokenness at some point, for many it will be several times over. (How else can you deal with pouring of you life and heart for someone and it still not working out? - Stay with me here, there's a happy ending...) It all comes out the refusal-to-hide-from-life experience that shared-community is. You choose to love, it doesn't work out how you planned; you have a choice to either run away, or somehow learn to keep going. Somehow you have to find the will to love again, to forgive, and to hope again. It's not all that easy, I speak from experience.

One of the most beautiful things for me is realising that there is a fresh place to store my hope where it will never be crushed. I would write more on this, but all I know right now is that Jesus has promised to return, and in His promise is the assurance of a greater day to which all hope points. Heaven is the home of hope and all that we do now, all our courage and love, is spent in the knowledge that one day it will be worth it. Crucially, knowing that I can trust God with the most precious part of me I feel able to give to others.

Without the will to be available for other people and their needs, community-living can be a nightmare because you don't feel you have enough energy for yourself, let alone anyone else. But if you can stick it out until you find the wherewithal to give again it once more becomes a beautiful, wonder-filled, laughter-lined experience. You can enjoy other people because there is the buoyancy within you to do so.

John-Paul Sartre said hell is other people. I beg to differ. I think 'other people' is where you begin to discover heaven.

It's been all of a blur - Jesus Army Life

I've been wanting to write here for ages.

And in that sentence seems to be the summary of years of experience.

Living in a community can be challenging, fun, beautiful, inspiring and even exhillerating but all those things mean that it also takes up a lot of time. It means that I've been hunting for opportunities to write but not finding them... Writing for me, is a cumbersome process, and when I'm blogging it takes a good half hour at least. But if you take a look at my daily schedule you'll begin to understand how difficult it can be to squeeze this in.

• 6.30: Get up, exercise, wash, dress etc.
• 7.30: Commute to work, pray
• 8.30: Work
• 12:30: Lunch (get out for some fresh air, preferably with a friend or hot foot it to the library to read the paper for quater of an hour)
• 1:15: Work
• 5:00: Commute home, read (if I have the energy)
• 6:00: Mysterious half hour which disappears into the ether (usually involves getting a drink, changing clothes, chatting to people, admin or organising stuff, maybe practising the saxophone for 10 minutes)
• 6:30: Dinner and wash up*
• 7:45: People come round for the evening community activity: normally a meeting or friendship activity of some sort* (The times evening activities finish vary but it normally crashes into the 10:30 barrier some how, having cleared up, washed up, caught up with folk, driven people home.)
• 10:30: Someone else is always on the computer! (Not surprising since it is shared by 16 other people.) And this also tends to be an important time for just relaxing with the people you actually live with (it rarely happens during the activity times!)
• 11:30: I really should be in bed

* People who've experienced living in our community will laugh at this - they know the evenings are never this simple; life is rarely straightfoward in community.

The weekends continue at roughly the same pace. Saturdays involve housework, a bit of time with God and exercise, a big lunch and evening fellowship. Sundays involve church meetings, prayer meetings, leadership type meetings and another big lunch which lasts most of the afternoon (you can understand why I exercise so much).

We joke about 'going to work for a rest' but it can be so true. Community life never stops. Come downstairs in the middle of the night and there's this gorgeous haunting atmosphere of paused time, all the hustle and bustle just waiting, taking a breath before the juggernaught of the next day's activity hits you again.

Don't get me wrong. There will be the odd free evening or afternoon but they become crucial times for seeing important friends or JUST DOING NOTHING! (which occassionally has to be diaried in). I tend to see Friday evening to Saturday evening as a time where I will do things I choose to do (a kind of personal sabbath), but it still involves getting out to see people, doing something fun to build brotherhood, helping a friend with something, that kind of stuff, and it doesn't always happen.

Oh, did I mention volunteering to work in the wider community via the Jesus Centre a few times a month?

Doing the usual stuff like family visits, going on trips, personal projects, just messing around - that still happens too, but you often have to carve out the time, perhaps miss a few community things.

So that's my life, and it's taken me well over an hour to write this...

Photo by Kaká on Flickr.com

R.I.P Daniel Patterson and Noel Stanton - Jesus Army Life

The last few days have been humbling.

Last week I attended the funeral of a popular young man. There were so many people at the funeral that some people had to stand in the car park while the service went on inside. I'd estimate there were about 500 people there. But more than that, there were so many of his friends whom I knew personally, loved personally, there too. He was a crazy kind of guy, always ready to make people laugh, and with a sensitive heart too. And I was deeply touched. He taught me something.

I wondered what kind of impact I'd had on those young friends. Had I ever been too harsh, too judgemental, too critical? I'd never deliberately want to be so, but I'm now keenly aware that with so many people you only get one chance. One chance to show them the Jesus you love, by being the truest, most loving person you can be.

Next week I will attend the funeral of a popular old man. The tributes are pouring in. He's been the leader of my church for some 40 years and the impact he's had on many, many lives seems to me unrepeatable. He was a man who dared to speak truth and stand for truth where so many would settle for a quieter life. But more, what impressed me about him was that he stood for love - a practical, unashamed love, love that was even willing to be harsh if it was going to achieve what was good and right in the end. He had much wisdom too, a man who prayed and listened to God. He stood and many stood with him. And a church was built. He led the way in community and living celibate for Jesus. I know I desire to be someone who will dare to stand as he taught us to stand - till the end, sacrificing all, for Jesus.

I'm sure he made mistakes, God knows my first friend did, but I guess I'm asking what does it all count for? Am I, am I and my friends willing to carry on being real and raw in our faith, to continue loving, to carry on believing in Jesus even though it costs us? Times like these are life changing. It is what I signed up to this Jesus Army for: to be changed and to change others.

Last weekend, someone brought a challenge in church:

'When you make it to heaven and you meet those who died in prison for Jesus, who started revivals for Him, who faced execution in His name, what will you say you did?'

I want to live so I will have something to say.

Rest in peace Daniel Patterson


Extraordinary Daniel Patterson - Coventry Telegraph


and Noel Stanton.

Jesus Army tributes to founder - Northampton Chronicle and Echo

Noel Stanton (1926-2009) - Jesus Army website

Noel Stanton - Man with the Mop blog

Debris - Jesus Army Life

In Christian circles we talk about 'the battle' like we're hardened veterans facing an old enemy. What it means is that we've been going through hard times. At White Stone that has certainly been true and, although we've come through, it has not been without its losses.

At the latest sign of trouble on Sunday we rallied together for some prayer and a sister had this prophetic picture. I thought it was quite meaningful so I've put it up here.

A picture of a single room house, (like in Jesus’ time), representing White Stone. There had been battle, turmoil but this was over.

However there was lots of dust and debris left behind. When the woman tried to sweep this away the dust flew up into the air and caused confusion; she could not see properly.

What you have to do in that situation is sprinkle water on the floor. The dust sticks to the water and you can sweep it away.

The Holy Spirit is saying ’Many of your battles from 2008 are over, but you cannot see that clearly and feel like you are still in the battle. Ask the Holy Spirit to come like rain to cleanse you and the house and then you will know the truth and be able to move on.
We should keep inviting the Holy Spirit when we pray or worship alone or together. As we do so we will feel cleaner and see clearly. This is not a one time event but a continuous need at the moment.

Jesus promises, "the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." Amen, let Him pour.

Photo by onnufry of flickr.com

Jesus Army Life - Thanks!

It was a really nice gift - thank-you!

Broken hearts - Jesus Army Life

Broken hearts - I don't think I'm just talking about the love broken variety, though I guess they are the more popularly known type. Can hearts get broken over a long period of time,with small repeated breaks until they are entirely bent out of shape? Or is it just a sudden experience? Hope and joy and everything you built your life on suddenly being snatched away? I don't know, but I'm realising that it can be a significant and devastating part of the human experience.

How do you help someone rebuild their life when they can't find the juice to start again? I know people who have obviously been broken in their lives because something has happened to them through no fault of their own. They pick up their life and rebuild it, they keep a positive outlook, but you can see that something is missing, or at least you can once you've known the experience yourself.

So how do you fix a broken heart?

Open heart surgery?
Hope on a drip feed?
Life transplant?
Faith transfusion?
Joy cream for the itchy bits?
Love pills? (prescription only of course)
Or Amnesia anaesthetic? (which can strangely be bought over the counter)

photo bt Sister72 of flickr.com

Jesus Army Life - 'Go to bed for Jesus'

There's a lot to be said for a good night's sleep, especially if it is followed by an early morning walk. It's a wonderful thing to go out praying into the dark and see the light break through into a tender dawn as you do so.

I would prefer to be part of the bustling life that happens in every Jesus Army community house on a Thursday night - it's friendship evening so a big meal is cooked and lots of friends come round. However, I find that I'm pretty worn out at the moment, so I opted for an early night. And I feel grateful for it. Rather than snatching a few minutes of prayer I was able to stroll round the park and sort out some thoughts and questions with my heavenly Father.

By all accounts it was a fun evening though, with new friends (someone I met a year ago) and some joyful camaraderie. A chance to relax in the middle of a busy week.

photo by aphasiafilms of flickr.com

Jesus Army Life - Just need to talk

When you go through hard times, as I have recently, the most important thing you need to do is talk.

It's an interesting word talk - because it doesn't mean give someone a brief 5-point outline of your problem; it doesn't mean attempting to win an Oscar for looking miserable until a friend asks you what's wrong; it doesn't really mean dramatically entering a room and demanding that your friend stop everything to give you the next 30 minutes of their time (though if nothing else is working it's better to try this than nothing at all).

Among friends talking means conversation, obviously. It's about a sharing of emotions, ideas and opnions. It's about mutual affirmation and encouragement and, if necessary, a bit of a reality check.

So when did you last talk?

I have many friends, for which I'm very glad. I'm due to go for a walk with one at lunchtime, and I hope to catch another before dinner tonight. Friends make you a priority - which is important because when we're living in a fast paced life it's easy to forget important things. And when you're feeling negative, no matter how many friends you have, it's too easy to feel forgotten.

But the reality is we really can go through several days without 'talking'. Last night I had an hour's conversation with a friend just because they needed to share something that was on their mind. The chat did me a lot of good too and despite going to bed late I slept better than I have for a long while. I know I need more conversations like that.

I think I need to create a new standard message for texts on my phone: "Need to talk to you about some of the stuff I've been going through. Do you think you might have time later?" I'm going to do it now - it just might revolutionise my life.

photo by steveharris of flickr.com

Jesus Army Life - Old friends

I bumped into an old friend last night. He came along to the Jesus Centre and it was good to see him catching up with lots of people who have time for him - we had only been talking about him a few days before.

One of the things I've realised about life is that when you go out of your way to love people they seldom forget. People can come into your life and then leave you perhaps travelling across to the other side of the world, they may even slam the door as they go, but they never forget you. Sooner or later you will hear from them in one way or another and you realise they still think about you.

And that is one of the most wonderful blesssings I know.

photo by Joshua Rappeneker of flickr.com

Changing rooms - Jesus Army Life

The day has come. The brothers are moving into the big sisters' room (only because the sisters are moving into the space created by some newly constructed bedrooms). But we knew this day would be ours!

Now, we've many temporary guests but the call must go to those who want to build community to make it a shining light of God's Kingdom forever. And they will come...

photo by thom82 of flickr.com

Soldier girls - Jesus Army Life

Yesterday morning the male leaders at White Stone met to discuss household issues. There were some serious matters on the agenda as loved brethren were going through a tough time. Many of us were stressed and tired and feelings were running high.

Imagine the surprise when we walked into the 'Quiet room' to find a room filled with colour, balloons hanging from the ceiling with messages of encouragement and scripture reminding us to trust in the Lord. A sister leader and her disciples had been busy the night before creating gifts of love for us.

We held the meeting in a relaxed if not slightly surreal atmosphere.

It reminded me how great the women in our household are. When the battle is on they are willing to be there right beside their brothers, encouraging them to stand in the fight, communicating by their own grace a trust in God and the Church to do the right thing. It was humbling and precious.

Jesus Army Life - Syncopated Rhythms

Living in community it's quite important to be deliberate in showing love to your friends from time to time. The temptation can be to just live out the rhythm of community life, rather than live spontaneously for people.

Rhythms in life are healthy but without something to draw attention to their beauty you are unlikely to realise how good they feel. So in community we live out a pattern of love for one another, but we've got to keep finding ways to highlight the love we feel.

Little gifts or notes can be good, as can long conversations with a friend, sometimes it's just about helping someone with their regular chores... Whatever it is, it's got to keep happening or the constant rhythm is in danger of becoming mundane. And people in danger of forgetting that they really are loved.

Photo by of Mrs.Maze flickr.com

Jesus Army Life - London Day

Once a year our whole church heads down to the streets of London for a Jesus party. With carnivalesque atmosphere we march from the top of Oxford Street down to Trafalgar Square. There's colour, there's dancing, there's music and drama. We always meet lots of people and we always have a good time proclaiming our faith in one of the world's most important capitals.

A moment of beauty - Jesus Army Life

It would have been romantic had the moment been shared with someone else. As it was it was with my butch builder room-mate. But there at midnight, leaning out of the window and watching the rain descend on the street below under the shimmering glow of the streetlamps, it was still beautiful.

Earlier in the evening the members of the community had had a meal together, prayed together and deliberately taken the time to relax in one another's company. We spoke about individual member's strengths and laughed at our foolishness. It was an evening of restoration.

My room-mate shared later how he had buzzed with pride and joy as he realised he was sharing his life with many, different wonderful people. We rang a friend we hadn't seen for a while and we chatted with him. And I apologised to my friend for my recent moodiness. We spoke of love and of friends whom we love. And I retired late that night to sleep deeply, with the window slightly ajar, the cool breeze on my face, the sound of rain pattering outside.