Jesus Army Life - When words are few

More waffle than a dutch pancake.

That was the phrase I learnt tonight, I thought it was so wonderful I had to note it down. And I wonder if it describes my current consternation.

I guess there are times when you realise that everything depends on faith. Project nos 1,2,3 & 4 won't succeed without faith. Relationships 1,2,3,4,5 definitely need faith if they are going to find God's blessing.

But when it comes to prayer, I try to pour out my heart and find myself talking in circles. The reality is I'm so nervous about the issue, so focused on it working out that I'm often thinking more than I'm praying. The words come but they don't mean much - more waffle than a dutch pancake you might say.

Sometimes I write prayers down because it's the only way I can think/pray straight. But what I'm (re)learning is that to know this God and truly believe him are two separate things. It's good to be able to come to him but to trust him for every work seems to be another bigger step. Yet, isn't that what knowing God is really all about? That's why he's so mysterious, he doesn't want to make it easy, he wants us to learn.

We've got a few people staying this weekend. I know they've been blessed by the experience. In a sense they are benefiting from the enrichment of faith already invested by others. Indeed, so much that we do builds on the faith of the ones who have struggled before us and yet, in contrast, we so easily fear the fight ahead. It is said that 'we stand on the shoulders of giants' and I believe it. Faith, it seems to me, is the tapestry of the future we are already weaving, a reality that we build into. It is the great reward of a God who is able to provide so much for us in the first place.

So why bother waffling?

photo by malik ml williams of flickr.com