At our breakfast together last Sunday we all shared on what we felt we needed most: one brother said affection. That's got me thinking some...I'm not sure what I can say really. I'm guessing that for men needing affection is more difficult than for women. Touch for men is limited to a very select few and even then it may not be a very rich experience. Women, on the other hand, cuddle, pat and generally groom each other all the time - at least they seem to from my observation. And that's cool, they've obviously learnt socially to fulfill a need that men can't or won't learn - it's not a big part of our masculine make-up. But maybe I'm missing the point, maybe there's affection women need too which is hard to come by.
In community we, even the men, hug each other a lot. That's something I guess (in some cultures men kiss and hold hands without a thought!) But I'm guessing that maybe giving affection has to be a little more intuitive than the occasional brotherly hug. It's important for all people to know some tactile communication. It speaks volumes - it says you're accepted, I can let down my guard around you, I'm on your side, I need you.
But maybe it's just difficult for men to be affectionate when the next moment they need to be ready to knock your block off? All answers on a postcard please...
Must just do find me a postcard...
ReplyDelete; ) The TJ
I was reading a Teletubbies book to my daughter last night (sorry to all those who disapprove of such reading matter - once upon a time I would've agreed with you). Anyway, they're very in touch with their emotions what with 'big hugs' and the frequent refrain that 'Teletubbies love each other very much'. Maybe they've got something to teach us, afterall...
ReplyDeletei need lots, but then that might just be cos i 'have too much testosterone'. everyone needs affection and to know that they are loved. not all females go around freely hugging etc. each other! i for one really dont feel that comfortable doing it. if someone wanted to give me a hug then fine, but the other way round?? its probably me being me, but i hope(in a weird kinda way) that there are other females out there who feel the same.
ReplyDeleteHi Helen
ReplyDeleteYou're not the only one. I don't find it easy to give hugs etc. I never like it when we are instructed to in meetings and I don't tend to do it often at other times. But I do need people to affirm me and be interested and care.
well if i am honest part of me craves affection
ReplyDeletebut i am not too sure what it is
I know what it is like to give affection to my child but when they become older and are not on the track i hoped then i struggle
and as for affection from others i guess deep down i crave it but i do not understand it and i am never too sure what the boundries are
It isa all quite scarey to open ourselves up to that level of vunerablity
It is essential that i do know
But I know what negative affection is
But i know that i struggle with health affection
I think that is probably beacues as I was grown the affection that was shown was negative
I never remeber being hugged by my parents
so i guess that is what has made me in to the mother i was ]
I say was becuase Jesus in his infiate love and grace is healing me step by step in to freedom and is teaching me not too be afraid of love and affection
sorry if this is rambly and off the beaten track
Well, I like hugs and if someone instructs me to do it in a meeting, I appreciate the opportunity! But, just to raise this discussion up a notch, I like being kissed by brothers. Not a Hollywood style embrace! But just occasionally, a close brother will kiss my head and I find it deeply touching. (The 'holy kiss' of the New Testament and all that...) Discuss!
ReplyDeleteI personally thin that it must be quite liberating for men not to be afraid to give and to receive affection
ReplyDeleteAnd not to be so locked into sterotypically male roles that To hug or kiss is tabo
I think that there is something quite free and beautiful when men afe not ashamed to embrace or even kiss in this way James and it is only A man that is not afraid of who he is in God and is walking in freedopm that can move in this level of freedom in my opinion
The Stiff british upper lip has a lot to answer for IMHO..other countries don't seem to have a problem with guys showing eachother affection
ReplyDelete; ) The TJ
Maybe it's cultural. I've noticed in the south of the church there's no problem, further north they're much more reserved. It's almost like their unsure the church approves?
ReplyDeleteGuess growing up in a very tactile family makes it easier to feel free hugging people; however I do find they have there place much more because they can be less ambiguous than words - when someones needy words just don't always do, holding someone while they find their way through things you're much less likely to thwart what God is doing. You can also tell how a person is doing - nothing better than starting off with a response like a piece of hard wood or a holly bush and hanging in until you feel them melt into safety - can be a bit dodgy at times though! I'm unashamed in needing hugs - if they're not freely available I'll ask - even been known to put someone else's arm round me!
ReplyDelete