Last night I was roundly told off by a friend for calling her by a particular name. No problem, it won't happen again. But it is a mistake I've made before with others. Fast learner I'm not.
So it's got me thinking about friendships and the things we value as individuals. Obviously I had crossed a line I should not have crossed. There are times when I've rebuked someone for a disrespectful use of a name with me too. The reasons are unimportant. We simply have to respect each other.
In community there are a multiplicity of relationships, all with their own rules and boundaries (and at this point I do want to say I'm sorry). When to call each other 'bro' or 'sis' and when not to. When to call someone by their 'virtue name' (spiritual names we often give each other). Why someone can call you a name in an affectionate social relationship that would never be used in wider society. Names you can use with the same sex but not with the other. And why there never seems to really be an appropriate colloquial term for women: girl, lady, lass, woman, when 'bloke' will usually do for a man? One would have to be an genius to write down all the rules, and I certainly put myself in the clueless category when perceiving a lot of this stuff.
The only conclusion I have is the advice of an older 'sister': "Err on the side of respecting others."
Oh dear, how full of her own self importance must your friend be. Hope she reads this. What does it matter what label you get as long as it is said affectionately. I rather like the Sis and Bro bit. When we used to stay at Towcester I used to take all the kids over to some swings and they used to call me sister Kay all the time, and I heard another mum say "I think she is a nun that looks after children" !! I was rather pleased actually, being rather far from nun like state at the time. Do you remember when I got in trouble on the forum for calling someone "fishface" which is an endearment in this family, and John Campbell stuck up for me and said it obviously wasnt meant as an insult!! My daughter in law calls us "the olds" and my son in law calls us "The OUTlaws" !! I rather like it. I think you though are taking on too much upon yourself, if someone doesnt like what you call them they should look into their own heart and wonder WHY not blame you for their feelings. I should do it often if I were you and help your friend get free of such a silly thing!!
ReplyDeleteActually Kay... you're wrong (about me, anyway!)
ReplyDeleteI wont say what he said, or why it was a problem... but Tschaka and I know the score, and we're well over it!
Sometimes it's good to wind people up a little so they don't take themselves so seriously, but there's a time for everything - including being told off!
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