8.3.06

'Despond' orig. meaning: lack of promise - Jesus Army Life, Day 224

I got up late this morning...

For some reason I have started waking up early again, but then I drifted off to sleep and woke up at 7.25am. Not a big problem, I still had 25 minutes before I had to leave the house, except the transport deacon then pops in and asks if I knew I was on the early transport that morning!! Grrr, the only time I don't check the transport list! You'd have thought someone could have let me know! So, we left 10 minutes late, no one seemed to mind but I apologised to the brother who was supposed to be on the shop floor by 8am.

I'm not sure why, but I've been feeling very despondent recently. I've been choosing not to let it get to me, but these things do have a habit of sneaking up on you. The church has been receiving quite a bit of input on 'soulishness' lately. Basically the teaching amounts to the need to live from and feed our spirit not our soul.
For whoever wants to save his life/soul will lose it, but whoever loses his life/soul for me and for the gospel will save it.
Mark 8:35

It's been quite interesting because it's given me some insight into the anatomy of the spirit (if you can use such a metaphor). We know when we're operating from our spirit because we speak and move with the energy of God ("dunamis" is the ancient Greek word here meaning dynamite or power). We are driven by the things of God's agenda: love, justice, the church, good judgement, physical and spiritual restoration. We manifest the fruit of the spirit: peace, joy, faithfulness, kindness etc.

It's something I've never really learnt before - just one of the gaps in my understanding I guess. I've always wanted to have a good understanding of when I'm living from my spirit too. Even Paul always seemed to assume that you just knew:
Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you - unless, of course, you fail the test?
2 Corinthians 13:5

You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ.
Romans 8:9

It always left me somewhat confused. I used to conclude that if my spiritual experience was so different to others' (which it often seemed to be: more peaceful, less dramatic, but apparentt nonetheless) I just had to discern on my own when I was operating from my spirit and when I was not. Now, I have a bit more to go on, and some positives to identify my own spiritual activity with rather than being left to wander through the mysteries of spiritual life.

What does this mean for my recent feelings of despondencyy? Nothing really, my moods have always been circumstantial and superficial, God has always been at work under the bonnet, but now I just have more understanding of the self to get my teeth into.