Thanks for everything - Jesus Army Life

We've been learning a lot about joy lately. Not because we've been experiencing it but because we need to! And the lessons have been curious too - not about how to experience joy, but when to... "Always be joyful" commands Paul while sitting in a dungeon!

But we did get a good lesson in how to be joyful the other night. Following the bible teaching someone suggested we thank God for all the trials we're going through. So we did: 'thanks God that life feels so tough', 'thanks God that my wife is always ill', 'thanks that my friend is suffering', 'thanks that I'm always such a sinner', 'thanks that my friend has stopped believing in you'...

It sounded so strange - but because it did, we started laughing and a surprising joy spread through the whole group. It was great because all the things we'd struggled with were now being handed over to God, we were remembering who and what was really important through all the challenges of life. It was very releasing, perhaps most of all because it meant we were beginning to focus on what was good rather than all the bad. And you know what? Even the demons, all the bad spirits, were confused as well because the trials they throw our way were being used to give thanks back to God!

Sounds crazy? It will do till you try it.

Conflict - Jesus Army Life

Conflict is interesting stuff. I'm not talking about the all out war, shouting in your face kind of conflict. I'm talking about the slightly tense, vibey atmosphere, not seeing eye to eye kind of conflict. How does love deal with that? It's not easy to return love when you are the focus of the antagonism.

I guess you keep a clear head, choose to love and do your best to work out the problem.

I don't mind conflict. Creative tension can be, well, creative. I don't always cope with it well but it doesn't particularly scare me. The trouble is that you don't always see it coming do you? If you know it's coming you can meet it head on but when it catches you unawares it can be an entirely different matter.

("Did he just say that to me? No, surely he didn't mean it that way. Perhaps he did? What's he getting at? Have I upset him? I'm still calm, why isn't he?") By the time I've been through this thought process I'm often well and truly on the defensive and so much on the back foot that I feel like I've just done a few rounds with a professional boxer. It usually takes a bit of courage to throw myself back into the ring.

Now I freely admit I've got my blind spots but you get the point...

I'm not referring to any situation in particular. We all fall out with people now and again - I guess I just find it interesting that often the only way to resolve an issue is by getting riled up first. Isn't there a more easy going relaxed way to do this stuff? Can't colleagues/friends trust each other?... Why not?

Some people seem to spend their life dealing with situations by getting angry about them, others can't seem to even trust someone until they've fallen out with them first. I admire people who adequately express their anger, there are justifiable situations where it's necessary to do so, I'm just not sure how much unnecessary upset is really about the spirit of peace.

I mean has anyone really meditated on what Jesus meant by being peacemakers? The glib answers don't help - I can imagine many scenarios where establishing peace actually does require a bit of vehemence first (what else is justice about if not caring enough to get annoyed about it?) but often there just seems to be so much selfishness involved...

photo by YanivG of flickr.com

Becoming 'like God' - Jesus Army Life

Learning to change takes time. It takes determination and a willingness to continue despite many failures. It is not an overnight thing, it will not happen in a day, but it is possible. With accountability, with goals and discipline, with self denial where it counts, with a mind to fight, with perception and repeated analysis of your own attitude it is possible to take hold of the victory you need.

So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more.

You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

...Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a man is an idolater — has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.

Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them. For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find but what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said:

"Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you."
Ephesians 4-5

Paul insists that we must change. His command comes with the authority of Christ. Once we have given ourselves to what is wrong we are in danger of losing all sensitivity to the issue. No longer is there any barrier, or any defence to that wrong, all that is left is the passion or lust that drove us in that direction in the first place, and if we don't turn back we are lost. "Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control." (Proverbs 25:28)

So we must stop whatever it is that corrupts us. Stopping can take time, but it must be definite, there must be a continual willingness to die to our old ways. But we will never be made new until we are obedient. That is the work of God in us. Pray to get your sensitivity back, God will renew you. But stopping comes first, that's where the hard work comes, the exposing to the light, the learning to understand what God sees as right; it takes a lot of work, but you have no choice you cannot stay stuck in sin. And then, ah yes, we can enter into a newness of life, we can begin to be "like God".

though judged in the flesh like men, they might live in the spirit like God
(1 Peter 4:6)

Photo by zachstern of flickr.com

Two weeks later - Jesus Army Life

Well, we're still in touch with some people from the evangelism day: four by my count. Not a great deal you may think, but in terms of getting out there and meeting people and then them actually staying in touch with you it's not bad. I'm not saying we're looking at potential conversions here but they are real relationships and that counts for something.

Just a great day - Jesus Army Life

We had an evangelism campaign on Friday which went very well. We're in touch with plenty of people and hope to see some of them soon. There were quite a few new people at our gospel meeting last night in fact.

We just feel very blessed.

Learning - Jesus Army Life

Things I'm learning about brotherhood (noun referring to the active fellowship of Christian men or women)...

• We all need it - no real brotherhood, no real Christianity


• It is the deliberate practice of love - we make time to get to know one another more deeply


• Peers are instrumental in setting an example - you can't excuse yourself because you're not in the same age group


• It requires you not to be selfish - to work it needs to be prioritised above other individual activities


• It is attractive - everyone seeks companionship


• It is healing - friends mirror back to you your faults and help you mature beyond them


• It builds the church - loving brotherhood draws a crowd
  

They devoted themselves to the... fellowship (NIV)
Acts 2:42
They were like family to each other (CEV)
They committed themselves to the... the life together (Message)

photo by i is Ashby of flickr.com

Quiet lately - Jesus Army Life

Our 'open house' meals have been quiet lately. Last night I found myself agreeing in prayer with a friend that they would become busy again. It is needed. While there's been a need for breathing space with so much recent activity we also need to carry on with the work of growing the church and that means bread and butter evangelism, inviting people to our meals again. 'God gives the growth.'

Photo by Monster. of flickr.com

Labour pains - Jesus Army Life

I guess I should tell you about the 'prophetic word' we had recently. It was about difficult childbirths and the wounds a mother receives. Since White Stone began we have had many people who've had abortive conversions or struggled to grow in their faith - it's caused us a huge amount of pain over the last few years. And the word is bringing us to face it. Personally I find it so hard that sometimes I really feel like I can't breathe.

Life generally has been amazingly good recently, a blessing from God; but this particular experiecne is part of God shaping us - pruning us to be fruitful. No one ever said it wouldn't hurt.

Photo by ayvakata of flickr.com

500 RAW - Jesus Army Life

It's been an amazing few days. The first UK youth event for Christians organised totally by young Christians (we think) has just taken place - and it's been beautiful. 500 people under the age of 35 pressing their commitment to Jesus even deeper than it was before. 500 Christians worshipping freely, reaching into simplicity and purity and sacrifice and commitment and brotherhood. 500 young men and women learning the lifestyle of the Kingdom of Heaven.

We called it RAW - Real and Wild discipleship, it took place in Northampton and it's produced momentum among our generation. Where before you could find cynicism, listlessness, compromise and misunderstanding now we're seeing a 2nd generation Jesus movement rising up to show what following Jesus is really about - so there was fasting, there were healings, there was help for the poor, there were signs and wonders, there was sharing homes, there was the challenge to live single all our days, the word spread and over three days the numbers increased. We delved into our past and dreamed of a future where nothing counts but a people honed by the love of Jesus showing Jesus to an uncertain world.

For me it was an experience of growing as I helped lead a platoon of saints around the streets of Leicester talking to people about Jesus. And it was a time of learning that God is willing to work through the humble and bring them into His service.

And I can hardly wait for RAW 2008.

photos by Kathryn Callard

Learning power - Jesus Army Life

It's been a long time, but I can't help feeling we've come through a bit of a season as a household. Now we're entering into a time of fruitful faith. There will still be need for endurance but we've learnt so much about holding on through the hard times they won't seem so harsh anymore. And the fruit will come, we'll see more people turn to Jesus.

And I'm glad, personally however these last few months have been an opportunity to question the extent of my own spiritual clout. A friend of mine committed suicide a month ago and it's left me angry and disappointed, especially since he sometimes confided in me. I would have hoped that something of God in me might, maybe, have been enough to persuade him that there's a life worth living for. He is a Christian. But it's challenged me.

Will I ever know the power of God enough to bring change to others' lives? I want to, I need to.

Photo by cayusa from flickr.com

Still running - Jesus Army Life

It's been ages, I know. What's been lacking? Inspiration? Not really. Vision? Maybe. Energy? Definitely.

This could be a neat way to introduce the theme of perseverance in community, but really, it's more simple than that. I've been worn out. (And to those who love me, 'No, I don't want a holiday.') It's not burn out - at least I hope not, I'd always hoped burn out would be more glamourous than this. It's simply a matter of not being able to juggle too many plates competently and so I had to drop some.

Does this new entry indicate a resurgence in energy? You bet! Though (ouch) I'm still having to take it a little easy (groan).

So I find myself increasing not reducing my vision, refining the love I want to offer into something more solid, and being more definite about my sacrifice, but yes, there are times when I hide more too, times when I have to stop myself reacting too quickly.

It's like I've run the gauntlet and I'm still running, and I don't want to stop. There's still only one thing that counts in this life, one person, and he spent all his life entirely and resumed it all again in greater glory simply for me. So I'm running increasingly more until I can jump through that vortex of death into life unknown with him.

Photo by nnic of flickr.com

Bible bashers can't jump - Jesus Army Life

Bible and basketball last night. 4 heathens, 3 Christians. Short chat about how we saw God, shoot a few hoops and invites to tonight's BBQ. Sometimes it seems so simple.

Sadnesses of the Spirit - Jesus Army Life, Day 652

Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:12

It's been a time of powerful 'anointings' from the Holy Spirit lately - there's been lots of laughter and joy, there have been times of unmissable sadness too. For me it's been a time of travail, I haven't cried so much for a long time. But God knows what he is doing. I look forward to the tree of life that God has promised.

21 photos - captions welcome

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15.

16.

17.

18.

19.

20.

21.

Perfect Day - Jesus Army Life, Day 639

Quick note to say that last Saturday was perfect: an outing to a castle and meadows on a beautifully sunny day with many of my closest friends. The pictures were fantastic - I'll have to see if I can get a few posted up here.

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Busy month - Jesus Army Life, Day 628

First White Stone 2 Agape meal. Festival Weekend. Manchester March. Adrian moves in. Goldsmiths Event. Lead Drop In team. Preach at Gospel Event. Regional Leaders meeting. Lead evangelism campaign. Baptism. And relax...?

No, not stressed at all - Jesus Army Life, Day 626

Just finished the first day of our two day evangelism campaign. Oooh I find campaigns stressful, moreso because I'm supposed to be in charge. Still it's been a good day, a few people have made some new contacts and we've moved on a step with some old friends. We've prayed for quite a few and there's been some healing as well. So it's working.

The question that remains is: will I survive tomorrow? Maybe, but very possibly without my sanity intact. Good night.

"Heroes aren't born, they're cornered" - Jesus Army Life, Day 622

Last night I spoke about heroes. I had to admit to dressing up as superman when I was a kid and performing on the Sunday dinner dining room table. But heroes are supposed to do that aren't they? They're supposed to inspire us. They're supposed to save us too, which is why Jesus' name means God our saviour (Yahu=part of God's Hebrew name, shua=saves in Hebrew) or as I prefer it: God to the rescue!

So who's the hero in your life?

To the Potentate of Time

If we had keen vision and feeling for all ordinary human life it would be like hearing the grass grow and the squirrel's heart beat, and we would die of the roar which lies on the other side of silence.
--George Eliot

Double the dynamism - Jesus Army Life, Day 611

I'm getting the sense that having a second household is bringing a new dynamic to White Stone. It brings extra muscle to the whole. We all have to operate as part of a small unit, bringing our own gifts and will to bear on the issue of household growth. And the contrast in character of two different groups within one house means that there is always something happening, always one of the two households finding the Spirit, bringing grip, reaching out, knowing the cross. We will have our different emphasis but together we are White Stone, still taking the land, still doing our all to love Jesus.

Photo by ucumari of flickr.com

Bowled over - Jesus Army Life, Day 609

I must have mentioned before that White Stone was splitting into two households (that's the name we give to each core unit of the church). Well, on Sunday the households were commissioned and several of us ended up on the floor as the Holy Spirit blessed the bunch of us together. It was fairly hillarious - a typical White Stone rumbustuous event, but it was fairly important too: important to be recognised by the whole church, important to be blessed by the Holy Spirit.

The whole festival weekend was filled with Holy Spirit activity as the church gathered together to seek God. One of our family was so blessed with the Spirit that she couldn't stop talking in tongues and picked up again as neared the marquee tent for a meeting the next morning! I was very glad that many of us were filled with the Holy Spirit. May he not only fill us but affect our character as well.

Me, myself? I had a useful time of initially feeling disappointed by God and then finding a way through to meeting with him. He's calling me to be more Spirit led.

God's generous expansive heart - Jesus Army Life, Day 590

those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint
Isaiah 40

In community life can seem very tough at times. It's easy to forget the amazing generosity of God. But in community you don't sign up for an easy life, you pledge yourself to live with other people, for better and worse. If you become tired of all the meetings then you have to question what community is about for you because when we are in community that's what we do, we meet people, all the time.

But I was feeling tired, emotionally worn out. I was getting repeatedly annoyed with God for nothing working out right and desperate for some reprieve; when in bursts my friend and tells me he's had a dream: a dream that remembers God's generosity, that things can be bigger and better, more successful than they already are, because we have a generous God!

It's my hope that news like that doesn't just make my day or week, but makes my life! The tough times will always be there, but that's not the point with God. His heart is more expansive, more roomy than you could ever know... (see Ephesians 3:15-21)

One last thing... God gives every Christian an inspiration of faith and hope when they first meet him. Some aspect of faith so big, so true, that all their vision is expressed in that virtue. For me it was his love, for others it is his power. What was it for you? Return to that principle and live in its reality as much as you can because God gave it to you as a key for you to express his spiritual life as richly as you possibly can!

photo by artandscience of flickr.com

Enter the supernatural - Jesus Army Life, Day 580

Why do people in church seem like cheerful, brainless tourists on a packaged tour of the Absolute? … Does anyone have the foggiest idea what sort of power we blithely invoke? Or, as I suspect, does no one believe a word of it? The churches are children playing on the floor with their chemistry sets, mixing up a batch of TNT to kill a Sunday morning. It is madness to wear ladies’ straw hats and velvet hats to church; we should all be wearing crash helmets. Ushers should issue life preservers and signal flares; they should lash us to our pews. For the sleeping god may wake someday and take offense, or the waking god may draw us to where we can never return.
—Annie Dillard

Indeed, with trembling and fear we press in towards a god who will change us forever. So let us quickly press in.

Choice - Jesus Army Life, Day 574

Community life leaves you with a stark choice: give your all for the greater good or hide away.

'Hiding' can take various forms. You can sink into problems, you can create little indulgences, you can pretend to be spiritual or you can become stubborn having come this far but no further. None of these compare to laying down your life.

Jesus spoke of laying down his life for his friends (John 15). Who are his friends? Those who love him and obey him. Friendship with God is more than just dutiful service, it is complete intimacy and obedience.

To sacrifice everything you are is to break into real friendship, not only, I believe, with Jesus, but with others who truly want to follow him too. We are called to love one another the same way Jesus loved - by laying down our lives - that is the nature of community.

In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.
Hebrews 12:4

We too easily forget that experiencing hardship is all part of becoming God's son.

Great idea: Beginner's Guide to Sainthood

Written by Jack Bernard of the Church of the Sojourners, a community based church in the US

Reservations - Jesus Army Life, Day 558

Dear Jesus,
------Please help me to entrust to you my passivity. The passivity that says I will do what I want, when I want to. The passivity that refuses to be obedient to you and so dampens my faith. Please help me to entrust to you my fears and reservations, not so that these fears will be enshrined by you but so that you will put them in their proper place in the light of your glorious love.
------Amen.

Go to your heavenly Father and tell him you are frightened, and he has ways of taking away these fears. For though they may be ridiculous to some, a child’s dreads are never too frivolous for the sympathy of a loving father, but he meets them as if there were some great reality in them and so sets them aside.

Whatever then your need, your woe, your grief, go to your Father and he will give you comfort. Believe from this night forward that God does pity all those who fear him, and whatever he sees of weakness in their nature and of sorrow in their lot he will help them. So may you find it now and evermore, for Christ’s sake.
Charles Spurgeon

photo by scribeoflight of flickr.com

I believe - Jesus Army Life, Day 551

I've been rediscovering belief. It seems to be the logical step on my quest for a deeper conversion. But I don't think I can oversatate how important the exercise of faith must be...

Let's face it, we all have reservations, inner questions, uncertainties, doubts. It's important to be honest about these, and it's useful, as Martyn Joseph says, to "treasure the questions". Personally, I was brought up to question everything, especially things which imposed on my own self autonomy. My Dad still holds that no man (or god) will be his king, and I think that standard has become part of my own personality too.

But I have found Jesus undeniable and unforgettable, his Spirit lives in me, his impact on those close to him is documented historical fact, he gives me hope and makes sense of my world. But still there have been questions... And yet I have experienced the supernatural on a number of occassions... And still my faith has been small... But so was that of the disciples.

While longing for more of the transforming power of God in my life and others', I began to think about what God's power actually meant. I remembered this verse:

I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who believes
Romans 1

I couldn't ignore the emphais on belief, and then i found this in the KJV:

But as many as received him, to them gave he power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on his name
John 1

Belief. Belief, belief, belief. Jesus asks me to believe. That's where his power lies - in faith. It's not leaving my brain at the door, the questions remain, but I've got to risk my whole life on this man who is God if I'm ever to know his transforming power. A half cocked faith simply will not do. There's something simply fundamental about belief, without we can't operate. I know that even the simplest child knows this, but it's taken me some while to understand. Faith pleses God. And now having believed beyond reservation I must act...

We must not content ourselves with liberty and consolation and gust in prayer. We must come out from prayer the most rapturous and sweet, only to do harder and ever harder works for God and our neighbours. Otherwise the prayer is not good, and the gusts are not from God.
Saint Teresa of Avila

photo by ange's photos of flickr.com

Understand now?

It's often difficult to describe the difficulty of being part of a minority race...

Understand now? Good.

(A Girl Like Me by bfnmusic of youtube.com)

Intuition - Jesus Army Life, Day 548

This morning, everyone in the house is spending some much needed personal time seeking God. It's a scheduled opportunity to put everything else aside and receive from him. Instead of calling it a retreat we call it an advance.

During prayer this morning I noted the way I work in hearing from God. Sometimes I deliberately try to listen, but today I simply went with the flow. What I realised was the important part intuition plays when following the path God leads you along.

There is a psalm that says this:

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you.

Do not be like the horse or the mule,
which have no understanding
but must be controlled by bit and bridle
or they will not come to you.

Many are the woes of the wicked,
but the LORD's unfailing love
surrounds the man who trusts in him.
Psalm 32

God does not show us how to turn every corner as we follow him, but he does direct us by teaching us how to follow. He gives us his truth and it is left to us to make of it what we will. Our sense of the things God is teaching us is important, it is crucial if we are to find our way forward, for God requires faith, he will not be a helpdesk to our every doubt and concern, he expects us to be faithful and learn.

Intuition then is first reminded of previous instruction/direction from God and then feels its way forward as to what should happen next. God may confirm this in various ways but it will always be in line with the instruction we find through the bible. Hence, when you feel a prompting from God you should pray into it, listen more, reflect, and then turn to God's word to see what it says - allow it to correct you and then pray some more. Find the resolve of God's Spirit rising within you as every part of your spiritual life seems to point in one direction, and follow obediently.

Another small tip for prayer is the use of tongues - if you have this gift, using it in worship for five minutes can you press past the natural distractions towards the throne of God.

Learning lessons - Jesus Army Life

I don't know what to write, but I have to write something. Tonight I feel gutted. It's the familiar feeling of being let down, this night from two directions. Perhaps.

Ultimately it doesn't matter. Disappointment is only unmet hope. Hope is crucial, but it is also plentiful. And if any hope is not based in reality it is not really hope at all.

Meanwhile, and presumably it's no coincidence, I find myself returning to the journey of trusting God. I remembered today that God was trying to teach me something about patience. How easily we forget.

I guess patience is the bedrock of hope. Where hope rushes forward into the promise, patience calmly trusts. Each are elements of faith. Without hope each man is lost, but without patience each man is spent.

Living forever - Jesus Army Life

This morning I was thinking: actually I'd quite like to live forever, even if it was on this earth, in this body - as long as I could cope with a graceful descent into old age! There you go, perhaps I am easily satisfied. I enjoy the friendships I have and the God who guides my path. But I'm not ignorant of the many injustices in this world, the cruelty of life and man that can sap your zest and drive you to despair, that shadow has passed over me too. It's just that I've found a kind of 'love', and that makes life worth living.

How about you?

photo by underbunny of flickr.com

Easily satisifed - Jesus Army Life, Day 547

Perhaps I'm easily satisfied. This morning in prayer I messed around a fair bit, but poured out my heart too and felt content just to know in my 'inner man' that I was connected with Him.

Last night was cool. A few less people round than we've had in previous weeks, some of those missed I'd have dearly loved to have seen. But it was nice, and the snow's been great!

I've been trying to learn to play At The End Of The Day by Brian Thiessen on guitar. It's a beautiful tune and the lyrics are fairly deep too, so it's the song du jour.

Concerns - Jesus Army Life, Day 546

I find myself analysing the depths to which I truly understand God's grace. There's so much within my own heart I fear has hardened over these past years. It scares me to think of how much I may have misunderstood of God's kindness. And how robotic I can be in doling out God's love to others. Too harsh, too impatient, sometimes I wonder that I ever found saving faith at all! And so I crave conversion at a truer, deeper level within.

Yesterday morning I prayed quickly (!), once again running short of time. But at the end of the day I'm simply grateful that I am his.

photo by malik m.l. williams | photography of flickr.com

Time with God, Jesus Army Life, Day 544

The other evening I was talking to a sister about devotional times - times where you simply want to meet with the God you love.

I thought I'd try to diary my devotional times a little to paint a picture of the different kinds of experience you can have.

For example, this morning I entered into a short prayer time with a sense of frustration because I'd used up so much of my alotted time already but with a fairly positive 'feel' in my spirit towards God. I began to pray with a mixture of concerns and thanks spoken to God. It was fairly muddled and I didn't manage to reach a place of repose within my soul, a place of calm where I could simply receive whatever God might want to say to me or give to me at that moment. Nonetheless I finished the time satisfied that I'd brought my soul into some consciousness of God before the day had begun, and I continued with some bible reading and thoughts on the way to work.

This contrasts with yesterday where I spent a longer time with God, about 30 minutes, again the first 10 minutes were fuzzy bit I settled myself to a point where I could be deliberate about the attention I was paying to God, I adjusted my posture, my words were thoughtful, my attitude worshipful. Nonetheless it was a fairly hard push and, still not feeling I'd really got to the point where I could receive from God but at least more quiet within, I pulled out my bible and began to read and wonder and reflect and reread about the resurrection of Jesus. My thoughts began to travel upwards in adoration and, towards the end of the time, I was beginning to know something of God's Spirit in closeness to mine - not much, but enough to know I was returning to my life-source. Still, I ran out of time, but that moment set me up for the day.

I think I'll end at this point with three things I've learnt from my own times with God:

• Approach God with thanksgiving: if prayer is not flowing think of five things you can thank Him for, prayer usually lifts off after this.


• It's helpful to have a particular issue that you want to work out with God: invite Him into it, ask for His help, question Him. Doing this helps provide a focus in prayer and makes for a way to deal with more major matters in your or others' lives.


• Be quick to turn to God's word. My experience is that scripture quickly helps me climb to a spiritual level and leaves me less self-absorbed.

photo by premasagar of flickr.com

Good feelings - Jesus Army Life, Day 534

I feel like partying and hey, perhaps if someone else was in the mood, I'd go down to the student bar and dance to some tunes. Earlier I was in the mood just to go by myself but I've just come back from a kickabout with some lads and I'm a tad worn out. Still, it's nice to still have that party feeling. My esteemed sister just commented that it's time for people to retire to bed, but I feel very much awake.

There's something about living life to the full that appeals to me. I don't want a quiet life. I want a life that's blazing Jesus. I hate it when I feel tired and can barely hold a conversation together because every moment if worth indulging in to the full.

Earlier tonight I told a friend of mine that he had anger. It was, if anything, intended as a compliment (he'd had cramp on the pitch and some of his emotion was showing). I'm not sure how he took it but I'd want to encourage him to be positive about his aggression. Anger is cool if you can control it. We need more people who know how to use their anger in the right situation. We have to be a people who want to push forward, we can't afford to settle into a rut, and sometimes it takes that dynamic atmosphere of anger to break through a situation. It's part of life, like being in the mood for a party, and both feelings can be forces for good.

photo by Simon Pais of flickr.com

Life! - Jesus Army Life, Day 533

Two of our sisters, one younger, one a little more mature, are running round the house sticking up bible verses. The purpose is not to put everyone in a state of constant religious paranoia, but to communicate life and inspiration. They're certainly having fun planning exactly where to place each item: one on the fridge, one by the door, one on the computer, one in the loo. The eager conversation betrays the underlying atmosphere in the house – there's life here and it wants to live! It's got to burst out, it has to express itself. There is so much yearning here, youth with a vision for God, that it has to explode into passion for his purpose, just as a flower has to bloom in beauty for the glory of God.

photo by diane leigh of flickr.com

Hot bath - Jesus Army Life, Day 530

The helter skelter journey of supporting chaotic young men continues. They're loveable scruffs the lot of them, but it can be a bit hair raising at times. Yesterday, one was in court for vandalism, today, another is in court as a victim of mugging, another tramps the streets in search of a job (all the while I wonder if his ambition not to stack shelves really is serving the Kingdom), another can't drag himself away from the wrong crowd, another worries about whether it really is holy to imagine partaking in violence, everyday.

Yesterday I asked God if He was planning on changing these guys any time soon. I'm not really sure what the answer is - I could do with a bit of changing too! But we persevere in Jesus, pressing on to discover more of his life-transforming power among us....

Chatting to one disciple it occurred to me that learning that Jesus really loves us is a bit like climbing into a very hot bath.... You can tell the bath is hot without having to get into it, just as you can know Jesus loves you without really experiencing it - but at some point you have to get in. And it's a tough task! Your flesh is far too used to the environment outside of Jesus' love to want to have to change. And his love is hot! You dip your toe in, but it's too much, you withdraw from him again. You work up the courage and try again, this time you can sustain the experience of him just a little bit longer, but still it's too much. Eventually in sheer frustration you shove you your foot in and grit your teeth. You resist the heat of his love for as long as you can, and then something happens: you realise it's not so bad after all... It still takes an age for you to get the rest of your naked flesh into the heat of that love, bit by little bit, but eventually you manage to sit down and lie back and

aaaaahhhhhhh it's sooo good.

You never want to leave.

In my experience it takes ages to realise that Jesus really loves you and a lifetime to learn to trust and remain in the experience of that love. I think I'm still only in up to my ankles. But it's Jesus' love that will change these guys - the love that we more mature Christians must learn to splash about as we welcome them into his Church.

photo by atconc of flickr.com

We all want to be superheroes - Jesus Army Life, Day 526

"Two things I ask of you, O LORD;
do not refuse me before I die:
Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
give me neither poverty nor riches,
but give me only my daily bread.
Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
and say, 'Who is the LORD ?'
Or I may become poor and steal,
and so dishonor the name of my God.
(Proverbs 30:7-9)

Life is difficult. If we go for being spiritual superheroes we can crash and burn, we become arrogant and say, "Who is the LORD?" forgetting how much we need him; before long we find we don't match up to the high standard we boasted for ourselves. The alternative is that our lives fall into a pit of mess, we can do nothing to sort ourselves out. I have known people who literally tried to be something and then found themselves with nothing, literally stealing in order to keep going.

A balance needs to be found, and the secret is in the first request. Don't be false! It seems so simple but what we need is to be humble and choose that simplicity of needing Jesus. The words "daily bread" carry a spiritual significance because they also mean 'bread of life': the words Jesus used to describe himself. ("Give us this day our daily bread.") We need to find reality, the only true balance between being nothing and pretending to be something. Or you really might find that your life is destroyed and that you die.

Life has been gutting in the last couple of days. I've seen young men I love fall into ruin because there has been no platform to build their lives on, they chose to lie about who they are rather than cope with reality and it has crushed them.

photo by R80o of flickr.com

Song By Song: Martin Smith talks through each song on 'The Mission Bell'

Song By Song: Martin Smith talks through each song on 'The Mission Bell'

Paint The Town Red

"Paint The Town Red" is Velvet Underground meets Delirious? meets Wesley Revival lyrics, "Oh here we come, it's time for the Church to be who we are/We've got this leather-backed book and a freedom cry/We're the army of God who are ready to die." I really love the lyrics. I love them! It's just kind of Jesus Army stuff, you know? Just brash and stuff that probably we wouldn't have written three years ago when we were trying to be all cool and get on Radio 1! But who gives a monkeys? These songs come out and we're proud of them. I think it's two minutes and two seconds. I think it might even be the shortest thing we've ever recorded, so it's great!

Taken from an interview on CrossRhythms with Martin Smith.

We love this song too. I love its raw punk feel, I remember bopping about to it with a friend of mine who was just coming off drugs. We knew what we wanted to live for! Here's the full version:

Paint The Town Red
You know I feel there's something 'bout to break now,
You know I feel there's a city here to take now.
And it's not so tough for these ordinary hands,
When we trust someone with extraordinary plans.

You know I feel this heart's about to break now,
Cos I can see what the devil's trying to take now.
We've got this leather backed book and a freedom cry,
And we're an army of God who are ready to die.

You give us hope where hope is gone,
You fill the streets with a holy song,
We’re gonna paint this big old town red.

Oh, Here we come, here we come
Oh, Here we come, here we come

You know I feel this sky's about to break now.
You know I feel our city's gonna shake now.
And we hear you call every woman and man,
"Ring the mission bell" and storm the gates of hell.

Miracles run from street to street,
Rise up Church for a holy meet,
We’re gonna paint this big old town red
We’re gonna paint this big old town red
With the blood of Jesus!

Written by Delirious? ©2005 Curious? Music UK

Everyday - Jesus Army Life, Day 533

Quiet times have become interesting lately. It's a task to get up early but the first real test is where to have one? In my room there really is nowhere comfortable to perch and staying in bed is deadly - before you know it you're snoring your prayers rather than pleading them. Besides there's another brother in my room so it's not exactly 'private'. Now, someone else has taken to getting up early as well and so they're always beating me to the Quiet room, my preferred place of repose. So I'm left with the choice of the dining room or the office. I prefer the dining room as there's some morning light in there.

Once you settle into a space where you can actually focus on God, it's still an effort to still your soul, but it's worth it. Having a morning converssation with God, some early exercise for your spirit, is an incredible boon to the day. It's only the prologue to the the coming hours, where the real spiritual activity tales place, acts of goodness, abiding in Him etc. but I do wonder how anyone manages to maintain a relationship with God without some daily practice.

photo by carf of flickr.com

Infinite blessing - Jesus Army Life, Day 532

Life feels like a major paradox between joy on the one hand and frustration on the other; but I'm doing my best to concentrate on the positives.

It struck me that if you are growing in God you should expect life to be a paradox of joy and frustration - as strange as it might seem. I think, given my druthers, I'd prefer a paradox of peace and tribulation! But I'm not going to complain.

Another thought occurred to me this weekend. It happened while hanging upside down on a child's swing in the park. To keep seeing the world from a child's perspective: fresh-eyed with wonder, always drinking in the sweetjuice of life, you need to have fascinatingly new experiences every day. I've no idea how you do that, but I'm interested in any suggestions.

One thing I know: Jesus embraced life, with all its joy and pain. And I'm not going to let anyone or any experience snatch away the beauty which he has given.

"Cherish your vision and your dreams as they are the children of your soul; the blueprints of your ultimate achievements."

Napoleon Hill

photo by vsz of flickr.com

"A little brief authority" - Jesus Army Life, Day 521

Our church leader is always reminding us that love does not allow the disciple to remain in his sin. Love chastises teaches scripture, it doesn't mess around, it doesn't treat people as if they don't matter and take their sin lightly. We have to switch from our idea of love to God's. God is completely for us, that is the nature of his love and you can read about it throughout the bible. The famous Psalm 23, The Lord is my shepherd, is a perfect example, but even there it is his "rod" and his "staff" that comfort, in other words the shepherd's discipline brought the sheep security.

We need to be angry about what deserves our anger and stop thinking that Christianity is about being nice to people. That just compromises the grace by which God has poured out his forgiveness. It makes a mockery of what Jesus has done.

Don't we realise that by trying to smooth over our wrongs and other people's small rebellions we become complicit in their activity? I'm not talking about every person here but the actions of fellow Christians, those who profess to be our brethren. We all have a duty for which we will have to answer on Judgement Day: we must not allow righteousness to be tainted and God's name to be blasphemed because of us. Of course, we will sin, it is inevitable until we reach maturity, so then, let us speed on towards maturity and love one another into making right choices.

All sin, no matter how small, disrespects our friends, ourselves and God, not to mention the necessary victim that someone somewhere becomes as a result of our woeful activity. Let us truly turn to love and fight sin. Be strong and not weak. Be always loving with tenderness but firmness and may Christ's Church rise to overcome her enemies.

Photo by itsjustlo of flickr.com